Review of "The Disciplinarians" by EileenSaysHi - Advisors' Cove

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iAmSiNnEr

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iAmSiNnEr #1 · Feb 1st, 2023 · 2 · ·

Review of The Disciplinarians by EileenSaysHi

EThe Disciplinarians

Principal Celestia is put on administrative leave and risks being fired after yet another magical disaster on campus. Can she outwit a vindictive superintendent?

EileenSaysHi · 3.3k words · 102 2 · 1.7k views

Summary: Principal Celestia is put on administrative leave and risks being fired after yet another magical disaster on campus. Can she outwit a vindictive superintendent?

Initial thoughts:
Asking a question in the short description is always a bold move, in my opinion. Many authors do this to grab your attention and try and have some reading retention as the readers instinctively read more to try and 'answer the question'. I love the short description too, because it's short and sweet. Geddit? Short and sweet? Hahahaa....no one's laughing, is there? Pouts. Let's get onto the review, then.

Content:
I want to begin by noting the strong opening of the story.

Sitting alone at a long table in an empty meeting room, Principal Celestia stared up at the clock in the center of the opposite wall. She watched the minute hand rotate, ever more slowly; she swore it went backwards at one point. She exhaled slowly as she felt her eyes glaze over, before gently shaking her head back to earth.
She pulled out her phone again. No response from Luna.
Celestia couldn't help but feel a twinge of bitterness as she sat and waited for the superintendent, three days after being forced onto administrative leave. Their meeting was now over an hour behind schedule, even though Celestia had come over so early she hadn't even managed to properly blow-dry her hair. She was fairly certain she knew why he was late, but that didn't make it less frustrating.
Like he has the slightest idea of what I've had to deal with, she mused. Him or anyone on the school board, or the PTA for that matter. I'd like to see one of them come up with the proper course of action on the fly for anomalies opening up in reality during a major school event.
Celestia loved her job. Certainly, there were times when she missed her old days as a teacher, and days when the students could run her ragged. And it was true that things had gotten... consistently weirder since around the time of the Fall Formal. But she could hardly be blamed for Canterlot High becoming the epicenter of bizarre extradimensional magical activity, right? Hardly something she could control... right?

Sorry for quoting such a large chunk, but with such few paragraphs, you can immediately garner a few clues as to the pace of the storyline and after a few rereads, a few hints to how the story is going. I love the fact that Celestia had texted Luna beforehand, and even though the author may not have intended it this way, it could have been a lead up to one of the reveals of the story.

The story was laced with many different meanings, and I really enjoyed the verbal spar between Neighsay and Celestia. Politics really is a pain, isn't it? However, I do have to note that a few parts of the story were rather "tell not show", and I will quote one.

He was barely older than her but looked ancient, his features roughened by his constant sour attitude and his eyebrows furrowed so perpetually she wasn't certain he could even make another expression.

I get it. It's hard to show ancient traits, and annoying to write show not tell all the time, because of the effort it takes. Especially since this is a comedic story, right? I'm a writer too, so I get the pain. However, I do have to be objective, and this is one of the few "tell not shows" that I have found.

But! I did enjoy the story, and it's a mark of a good author that they managed to make me hate on Neighsay within the first few moments of him appearing. Although, he does sound very stressed. Though I don't sympathize, I feel him. There, there, buddy, you'll be all right once you accept magic is part of your life now.

After a few rereads, I feel I need to stress a point. The telling not showing is NOT a major issue, and I see no actual problem with it. Many writers tend to default to telling to start a foundation for their story, and this is something I feel I need to emphasize. There is no actual issue, just the strictness in me pointing out that it is a point that could be worked on, not needed to work on.

However, I'd like to say that the story is something I am conflicted about. Though we see Celestia portrayed as the "good guy" in this scenario, she turns to her sister who then resorts to blackmail. Neither side is entirely right, so there is a bit of a grey line throughout the story.

All in all, I did enjoy reading the story, and I would recommend it for anyone who isn't looking to get into the nitty gritty details of a story and just wants to read something silly yet relatable.

Content, 7/10

Flow and pacing:
I'm going to say well done on this one. No rushing was had, and every point was stressed without being lingered on for too long. Good job! 8/10.

Grammar and vocabulary:
Honestly? Nothing major or eye-catching, and I could read through the story comfortably without being annoyed by any grammar mistakes. There were a few parts that could be nitpicked about, but none that would stand out to a casual reader. 8/10.

Overall grade: 7.67/10.

Final words:

~~ALL HAIL THE PORCUPINE STINNY~~

Joking, joking. Or am I?

All in seriousness, enjoyed the story on the few casual reads I did. Keep being you, Eileen!

Stinium_Ruide

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