TSinking Feeling

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Horror

Sweet Pepper was safe. Sweet Pepper was not alone.

• Bat Pony
• Sweet Pepper

Emotion Nexus · 1k words  ·  43  3 · 579 views

Sweet Pepper had a friend.

Sweet Pepper knew she was fine, that her friend would keep her safe. Sweet Pepper knew she wasn't alone, but she had a sinking feeling that all was not right.

Sweet Pepper had a friend.

Opening remarks

Sinking Feeling is a horror story written by Emotion Nexus. The premise seems interesting and uses a rarely used background character in the fandom. I look forward to seeing what comes of the plot. 

Note: Any text covered in black bars is considered to be a spoiler to the story.

Technical

No technical issues found. Full marks. 

10/10

Character

The two main players of this fic are Sweet Pepper and an unnamed Bat pony. Now, this is definitely a short one-shot horror story, so the character depth expectation is different in this case than in a longer piece. However, Sweet Pepper feels undefined as a character. She could easily be replaced by any other pony without much difficulty. Normally that would be a massive issue, but in a short plot driven story such as this, she does fulfill the role of “victim” as needed.

The second character is also undefined, but, as the “monster” of the piece, this works more in the story’s favour. Horror monsters usually work better as a force or nebulous threat. Having them be so undefined and more akin to simply being the “evil” assists in nailing the horror vibe quickly.

The characters are undefined, but, with this style of story, it works to the overall betterment of the plot. However, I do think that Sweet Pepper could use some more words to flesh out her personality and have the reader become more attached before the inevitable introduction of the “monster”. 

7.5/10

Concept

Solid hook and description that draws the reader in with a character that has a total of four stories to her name. Though a concept that has been done before, the prose definitely helps elevate the feel of the fic to stand out. 

Short and sweet, telling a gripping story in a thousand words with a unique structure. Full marks. 

10/10

Vibe

Firstly, the fic is solid in execution. The concept is not new, but how it’s written makes this piece stand out. The prose is also unique, odd in structure, but it works for the feel of the story.

Now, I do think there could be some improvements. 

The length is good, but I think a few hundred more words could have been added specifically towards building up Sweet Pepper more as a character early on and the build up to the final moment of horror. The main draw of the piece is Sweet Pepper’s slow descent into the monster’s control and some more time stretching out the build up to that final moment I think would really push this story in the right direction. 

Another aspect of the fic was the use of repetition, the tension escalation through sentences starting with “Sweet Pepper…”. I think it would be beneficial to the piece to keep that as the standard. Rewording those single sentences between blocks to specifically start with “Sweet Pepper”. I think this would help raise the eerie feel of the story. 

Otherwise, the fic is a solid horror piece. Gripping, exciting and an excellent amount of punch in a thousand words. 

8/10

Closing Thoughts

Sinking Feeling by Emotion Nexus is a solid, gripping horror story and well worth the read. I give it my full recommendation. 

8.8/10

<For archive purposes: 8.8/10>

Personal Score

I liked this. Solid execution on a well used concept, gripping read. 

8/10