Another review from me? Of course. And yes, you're not hallucinating... yet.

Disclaimer: don't get too excited. I have more reviews to come!

Good:

• Creative concept. Dealing with euthanasia is something that I hope no one has to deal with, as noe one wants to see our loved ones to suffer.
• Opening line helps bring us into the scene, which is a nice touch.

• Also, even if I disagree with this story’s imagery, I do have to say that the author did a solid job in describing their vision of this hospital. 

  • “Evergreen and serpentines hung from the ceiling and one corner of the reception was dominated by a large tree, decorated with sparkling streamers and coloured balls.”

    • While this sentence has some grammar issues, the image of how the decor looks can easily be pictured. My advice here would be to pick some more common vernacular (words) to help bolster understanding.

Suggestions:

• Get an editor. This story is more painful to read in a technical sense than the content itself.

  • The following issues are prevalent in this story:

    • Punctuation and Misspellings. Normally, these two categories are not too much of an issue. However, they are rather consistent in this story.
    • Word Choice. Peeving wife does not mean what you think it means. Also Sonic Rainbow instead of Sonic Rainboom is a crime.
    • Using different perspectives. This story clashes with the third person omniscient perspective and the 2nd person perspective for some reason. This implies that the narrator is their own character, and was witnessing this whole act, meaning you might as well arrest the narrator, but I digress.
    • Do… you… ellipses,...? Reading Rainbow’s lines, although not exactly wrong (other than the comma example) are hard to read. Suggestion here would be to deviate between long pauses and em dashes.
    • Valuing Detailings. Reminding the reader that Rainbow Dash is a literal husk of a pony isn’t necessary. How would the narrator know what Rainbow Dash would do? And if we are going for that all-knowing narrator, would those details be valuable? 

• Fluttershy administering any life-threatening drugs into another pony is murder in itself for a few reasons.

  • She’s not a doctor, she’s at best a veterinarian. 
  • She’s not authorized to administer the drugs, because it requires a practicing physician. I would assume Equestria would have something like this, but none of how this works is even remotely mentioned in the fic, so I have to assume it’s based on our own perception of this topic, which would completely deviate from the fic itself.

  • She had snuck this into Dash’s room to provide Dash’s death as a gift?

    • I understand the pain of not wanting to let go of someone because you love them and you want them to stick around, but this comes off as forced and overly edgy for no reason. Dodging actual techniques that doctors use comes off as uninformed and disrespectful to the subject matter.

      • Just to add, the fact that Fluttershy gives credence to the nurses for doing what they could for keeping Rainbow Dash alive for so long is insane. They don’t know that she came to deliver this ‘gift’. It was just a visit. Hence this pointing more towards murder than anything else in my eyes.

Final Thoughts:

I cannot fully feel for Fluttershy in this, as the sympathy gets dropped due to major plot holes, and major character inconsistencies. This story wants to be a creative, thought-provoking piece about euthansia, however, it falls so far from that view that it becomes an insensitive diatribe that made me see red. Note to the author, please don’t think that I think negatively in any way because you wrote this. Not only can I not hate an author for writing something, since experimentation is something that drives creativity, but also I can't hate an author who attempts something that they may or may not be uncomfortable with. So, props to you for writing this. I just wish this wasn't the story that you had in mind for this subject matter.

Final Score:

Grammar: 1/3
Creativity: 2/5 
Characterization: 0/5 
Flow: 2/5 
Impact: 0/7 
Overall: 5/25 (“What are you going to do? Stab me?”)

<For archival purposes: 2/10>

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Commenting just because I want to comment.