Story Overview:

This Review may contain some spoilers. As always, I’d recommend reading the story first, then coming back to read this. You’ve been warned.

 So, Pinkie Pie is on a train, when suddenly Doughnuts attack. It’s as simple as that. Just the title alone evokes images of cheesy horror/comedy movies like Snakes on a Plane (which the author cites as a source for a particular line). The story does live up to such a name by being strange, random, and unapologetic about both. 

Grammar/Spelling (6/10):

I never like assigning a number to a story’s grammar. It makes me feel like a teacher grading tests. Unfortunately, it is, to some readers, a large part of the story. Poor grammar can break the flow of a story by confusing the reader. This story doesn’t reach the point where the mistakes can trip the reader, but it’s not without flaws, either. Mostly, this involves missing commas and some oddly phrased sentences. Like I said, nothing earth-shattering, but something to keep an eye on nonetheless. 

To add on to this, the story has another issue, too. Almost every paragraph in the story begins with either “I” or the name of a character. This can leave certain sections feeling more like a list than an actual story. Try mixing up sentences and finding different ways to word them to combat this. 

And one final critique. Several sections throughout the piece could benefit from trimming. A few sentences are overly long and repetitive. Trimming these could help maintain the flow of reading and allow the reader to become more invested in the story. 

Plot (9/10):

 The plot involves Pinkie Pie protecting a train full of ponies from giant evil doughnuts. Why are there giant evil doughnuts, you ask? I have no idea. Stop asking unimportant questions. There are giant evil doughnuts, and Pinkie has to fight them off with her party cannon.

That previous rambling might end up sounding like I didn’t like this story. That isn’t the case. I treat this story the same way I would a movie like Rubber. The plot is crazy and makes no sense, but who cares? Just shut up and strap in for a wild ride. And quite honestly, I do enjoy these kinds of stories. 

There is only one issue I have with this story, and that is the ending. So, spoilers. Again. 

The story ends with Pinkie waking up and realizing that the whole thing was a dream. I cannot blame the author for this. They’re far from the only writer to use the “it was all a dream” ending. But as both a reader and writer, I dislike these sorts of endings. In the course of a single event, it renders the entire previous story pointless. 

However, I can overlook such a trope in this instance. Because this story already has no real point. Apologies if I’m wrong here, but I don’t think the author made this piece to pose some philosophical questions that will leave the reader up at night with existential dread. No. This is a story where Pinkie Pie explodes evil doughnuts with a cannon and sprinkle grenades (which is a fantastic choice in weaponry, by the way). If that plot doesn’t draw you in, then you probably aren’t the intended audience.
 

Characterization (10/10):

Pinkie Pie is really the only character of note in this story. And even then, the characterization isn’t really applicable here. It’s Pinkie, armed to the teeth with various forms of party-themed explosives, fighting doughnuts. Pinkie is her usual random and chaotic self. But in this random and chaotic world, while everyone else is panicking, she keeps a cool head and does whatever she can to protect the other ponies. Overall, a really well-written Pinkie. 

 Total Score:

Grammar/Spelling: 6 / 10

Plot: 9 / 10

Characterization: 10 / 10

Final Score: 25 / 30 (8.3 /10)

<For archive purposes: 8.3/10>

Final Notes:

 I thoroughly enjoyed the story. I know I had a few criticisms, but the author shouldn’t let that dissuade them from writing. In my opinion, they succeeded in the most important aspect of writing. The writing itself. The story was interesting and kept me reading onward. Grammar and Spelling may also be important, but those can be taught. It’s much tougher to teach how to write a good story. 

Thanks so much for the review, yeah I didn't really edit that story much when I wrote it. But I enjoyed writing that story either way.