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I'm Pinkie Pie and today I'm taking an uneventful train ride to visit my friend, who is now the ruler of Equestria, Twilight Sparkle. A train ride is supposed to be boring which is why I usually bring a lot of things to do to keep myself occupied. I never expected this train ride to be an action-packed adventure. It's all because Donut Joe's doughnuts started growing.
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The title reminds me of a skit from Faulty Towers. Too much Butter on Those Trays.
10666197
Interesting the story was actually modeled after a famous movie line that was edited for tv. It was from the movie Snakes on a Plane.
The line was: There are too many monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane! Buckle up! I'm opening up some freaking windows!
Well, that was, um... rather random, I must say.
:P
ok overall I liked this story and how you wrought pinkie you also was vary descriptive for me so for that I give you props
but I did see one or two things that I personally thought was wrong
Number 1
I don't know if this was intentional but from how I read it I see it as she was shooting doughnuts not shooting at them. If it was intentional then why was she shooting doughnuts at doughnuts wouldn't that be counterproductive or make them more powerful?
Number 2
Now I'm not that good at grammar but I want to say that there is supposed to be a comma or period at the end of 'thought,' if not 'Well' should be written as 'well' seeing as it is not the beginning of the sentence.
thank you for taking the time to read this have a fantastic day.
10672393
The first one is probably an oversight on my part. Thanks for pointing that out. I was trying to say she was firing at the doughnuts.
10672460
your good evrypony makes mastakes
Hello,
Apologies. I know it's been a while since you submitted this story for review, but I'm finally getting to it. I've done a full read of it and took a few notes. The review should (hopefully) be done within the week.
Thank you for your patience.
10766396
Thank you
Your review is finished. Sorry that took so long.
You can find it: here
Thanks for submitting your work.
Feel free to ask if you have any questions.
Oh, and keep up the good work!