EChanging Cherries

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Slice of Life
• Thriller

Cherry Berry is an earth pony. Sometimes. And that's not the least of her problems; her insomnia is getting worse, and she can't keep her secret to herself any longer.

• Berry Punch
• Cherry Berry

Shaslan · 3.5k words  ·  344  9 · 3.2k views

Overview

Sometimes Cherry Berry is an earth pony. Sometimes she’s a pegasus. This is a story about all the problems that causes her, and how she tries (and fails) to handle them, all while taking care of her little sister. It’s a character piece first and foremost, and it spends all its focus on making sure you understand its POV pony.

Characters

There’s really only one character here, and that’s Cherry Berry. The entire story is first-person dialogue from her, so even though other characters are mentioned, all we really have is her perspective on them. Cherry has a strong, distinctive voice, which is very necessary for a piece like this, and it pulls it off well. Her fears and doubts make sense for what she’s been through, and the piece does a good job at foreshadowing what’s going on and how her changes happen through how and what she talks about in the beginning. All in all, she feels very real.

That said, there’s only so much insight into her character you can get from a piece that is 100% first-person dialogue. We understand what she considers important, but we don’t see how she interacts with other ponies other than through her own retelling of those events, which only goes so far. We don’t get to see her in the moment of the events she’s talking about, which lessens their impact somewhat. But while I’d love to see those events in more detail, I also realize that such an expansion would be a massive undertaking, and it’s only because of this log entry style that we can visit her life as thoroughly as we do.

Overall, while Cherry is an interesting protagonist and you want to root for her, the format keeps the reader from being able to fully understand her character.

Plot & Pacing

The plot of the piece is fascinating, and a great perspective on what it would actually be like to live through the animation errors that change a pony’s race. It’s clever, thoughtful, and unique. The story is very personal, and keeps you engaged with a life that has quite a few ups and downs, even beyond those caused by Cherry’s race changing. You want to know what happens next, what the next curveball will be, and Cherry’s strong voice keeps it from just feeling like a list of names and events.

That said, the pacing here is very fast. The story is only 3500 words, and it covers essentially Cherry’s entire life up to the present, from foalhood to dating to just living as best she can as an adult. Months or years often get skipped over in a sentence, and it means we don’t get to really see the details of anything. The only description we get for Windfeather, the pegasus that takes them in for six months, is “kind.” We similarly learn almost nothing about the stallion she dates for a while, or any of the other ponies she must have met at the orphanage. Each of these pieces of Cherry’s life could be their own chapter, easily, and instead they only get a paragraph or two. Like many of the people in the comments, I want to see more.

Technical Skill

The prose here is strong. I didn’t see any technical errors, and the most important thing about a piece like this - having a strong, distinctive voice for your narrator - is done well here. That said, there are definitely places where it’s not perfect, and some odd choices here and there. For example, she refers to Pinkie as “that pink pony, the party planner,” and then makes it clear that she has been living in Ponyville for a while - so how would she not know Pinkie’s name, and know that the ‘Doc’ she’s talking to would know her too? Similarly, she does a thing you see a lot in fiction, where she claims to be “pretty private” right before giving us her entire life story with no (visible) prompting. These are small issues, but they stand out only because the majority of the piece is so solid.

Rating

Character: 4/5 

Cherry Berry feels real and distinctive, but it’s hard to get a full sense of her without any interactions with other characters.

Plot: 4/5

The concept is unique and refreshing, I just wish we weren’t rushed through Cherry’s life so quickly.

Mechanics: 4/5

Nothing that could be called an ‘error’ here, but still a few places where the prose could be cleaned up.

Final Score: 4/5

A fantastic character piece, exploring a unique idea that I’ve never seen before with an engaging protagonist. Well worth the read just for the questions it raises and the ideas it presents.

Final Thoughts

I liked this piece, and would love to see more. It’s ripe for expansion, and I hope the author continues it as she claims she might. If you’re looking for a thoughtful piece about something you probably never gave a second thought to, check it out. It’s well worth the read.