EMinty and Mango

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

Two friends, a kirin and an uncivilised batpony, meet in the night

• OC
• Bat Pony
• Kirins

Lulamoon-Crystal · 2.4k words  ·  10  0 · 137 views

Summary: 
A light story about a young female kirin who cares for a seemingly abandoned male batpony which has a Tarzan/Mogli kind of attitude while she also tries to enjoy watching the night sky. Added to the mix is a bit of kirin-lore the author came up with which provides a nice touch.

Analysis: 
This story lives from the interaction between the kirin and the batpony mostly. The author tried to make the batpony wild while cute at the same time, also adding popular batpony attics to increase the way readers care for him. The surrounding bits of lore and events is meant to fluff things up and does overall a good job at that. It is a bit heavy on the description side at the start and has a few spelling errors or wrong pronouns which luckily doesn’t break the flow or immersion significantly.
About the extra bits of lore the author created for the kirins, I found it entertaining while not sprawling. It is the right amount for a story of this shorter length I would say.

Rating: 

 
Slice of Life:8/10
Yes, the author hit that tag with the story. Presenting everyday events interesting enough to read about them. Sure there is room for improvement, but above average on this tag.

Entertainment Factor: 5.5/10
Solid work. Nothing too surprising or creative, but not boring either. The content carries the story over the length it has while also appealing for readers with softer hearts or a fable for Batponies and Kirins. 

Writing Style: 7/10
Pacing is good. Gramma seems ok. Few spelling errors. Paragraphing and sentence length is alright.

20.5/30 -> 6.8/10