TInkwells across Equestria

• MLP: FiM
• Adventure
• Slice of Life

Raven Inkwell is not a single pony. Raven is a collective.

• Alt. Universe
• Celestia
• Raven Inkwell

Keyslam · 12k words  ·  122  4 · 1.3k views

Summary:

There are actually two stories in one. 

For the main story:
There are a lot of Raven Inkwells across Equestria. They do whatever Raven Inkwells do. To find out what that is exactly, and why there are more Raven Inkwells than Nurse Joy’s in Pokemon, you have to read the story.

After the main story is completed, we also get to the substory, which looks closer on the life of one specific Raven Inkwell and deals more with darker themes.

*

While this is not a mystery story, the opening premise is very interesting and lurking to read this story. Raven Inkwell’s interact at the same time in Canterlot with Celestia while also in Ponyville with Twilight, while others around Equestria also do their job.

Overall, the story leaves you curious about what is going on and especially the starting chapters are quite vague about it.

Sadly, the same cannot be said about the substory. It feels more like after the success of the main story, the author felt the need to just write on, adding chapters with content.

***

More Detailed Analysis:

So, we have a good and interesting start here. More than just one question will go through the reader's mind about the scenes they read, which is great. Also the very short chapter length keeps the pace and flow fitting.

Furthermore, once the first puzzle pieces come together, the overall storyline turns out to be even more interesting. Also it takes us to the point in time when Starswirl had Luna and Celestia as his students, setting things in motion at this point of time and then returning to the present.

What does need some work however is the writing style at some points. While the story is written quite fast paced, the amount of descriptions or side information here and there doesn’t feel completely right. Mostly in the early chapters, I had wished for a bit more context and information. We get to see some agent-like scenes here and dramatic ones there, but as long as the overall story is not known to the reader, it feels a bit off. In hindsight, these scenes are alright, but during the first read they kind of make less sense.

*

Well, and now to the substory. Honestly speaking, it is my opinion it would have been better to be a separate story. After the mysterious and entertaining storyline of the main story, this subplot feels kind of forced and not really necessary. It looks closer at the life of one of the Ravens like I mentioned before, one that played a role in the main story events but left room for questions about her past.

The thing is, it is not really as interesting as before since you know what will happen in the end. The storyline of that Raven is complete already in the main story. Also the story loses some integrity in the recent chapters. The author is aware of that and mentions that in his authors note, but still…

***

Rating:
Mainstory:

Storyline: 8.5/10 A fresh setting. Interesting and entertaining.
Writing style: 6.5/10 Pace and flow are good, amount of information not always.
Entertainment factor: 7/10 It's alright, got me curious and interested while I had to raise an eyebrow at some scenes though.

Substory:
Storyline: 4/10 The end is already known which drags much interest out of it. Also, it doesn’t have the charm and mystery of the main story anymore.
Writing style: 7/10 Actually slightly better than the main story. A bit more of information, descriptions and also, while bad for the interest, the wisdom about this Ravens fate makes it far more easy to understand what is going on.

Main: 7.3/10
Sub:  5.5/10

6.4/10

***

More Specific Feedback For The Author:

Well, you have a very interesting idea and storyline here. I can’t remember reading anything similar to this on Fimfiction so far, which is great. How you play with the different Inkwells and put them in different roles was something entertaining for sure too. The appearance of Starswirl and the background lore you created also deserve a well done!

Just, a little bit more work on the early chapters to make them understandable and maybe a seperation of the main story from A.Raven Inkwell would be great in my opinion. It doesn’t work so well together, more so when your main story relies on the mystery part to work.

7530709
Thank you for the review.

I was debating whether or not I should split off the second story into its own, separate publication, but ultimately decided against it. I see now why it would have been a better idea to do so now, and I will do that the next time such an occurrence surfaces.

7530885
Your welcome

Yeah, the mainstory with this awesome fresh storyline and mystery really can stand on its own and does great. The A. Raven Inkwell backstory changes the main theme and focus a bit to much. But I am glad my review could help you.