TBroken Wings, Whole Spirit

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Adventure
• Sad

Fluttershy gets a little help from her friends.

• Gore
• Violence
• Fluttershy
• Discord
• Main 6

flutterJackdash · 1.9k words  ·  59  1 · 1.5k views

So Broken Wings starts in the middle of the action, Fluttershy is on the ground in a puddle of her own blood while her friends are fighting against an undetermined creature that strongly resembles either an ape or something similar. We will later find out that Fluttershy tried to talk with said creature but got viciously attacked and her wings are now almost gone. The fight rages on until Rarity hits the creature in the head with a stone knocking it unconscious.

We then find ourselves to the hospital where we have a more broad view of what happened, who got hurt and how much. Fluttershy is hands down the most injured and as such one of her wings is now gone. This doesn’t hinder Fluttershy’s spirit too much and after getting released from the hospital she goes back to her sanctuary to care for her animals. 

Thoughts, the story is well written but stumbles around a bit, there isn’t really a big deal of sadness in the whole thing, yes Fluttershy lost a wing and that’s not good but we don't see any scene where the reality of the situation hits her really, she accepts her new handicap and goes on. I would not call this sad but rather a courageous fic, one where the MC is not hindered by what they lost but instead cheer up with what they have left. 

It leaves a somewhat ashly taste in my mouth though, the story is really just that and nothing else, there is no real up or down and this brings me to the conclusion that it can be for some downright boring, I hear you, maybe there will be people with torches already lit but while it is a nice little story it is by no mean something positively incredible nor terrible bad, it hangs in this weird grey area where one can’t really decide.

Scores!

Core Idea: 7/10 not overused but seen it already, it was a good attempt and should be praised for that but not too much.

Grammar: 9.5/10 Minor errors are pointed out throughout the fic by a user in the comment section should check it out to solve any other minor errors. 

Pacing: 6/10 there is no real way to define pacing in a story with three total scenes, it is structured well but could use some more work on the flow of events.

Total Score: 7.5/10 a good fic that could use some more love, for the author keep on writing I know you can make some wonderful fics so keep at it and you’ll succeed in writing your own masterpiece.

Thank you.