A Growing Shadow

Warning: This review contains spoilers for important plot details. If you don’t want to be spoiled, here are the ratings I give it, {Concept/Originality: 10/10, Characters: 9/10, Writing: 10/10, Pacing: 8/10, World building: 8/10, Total Score; 45/50 or 9/10}.

So, welcome to the latest of reviews. Today we take a look at a story about some fifteenth/sixteenth century kind of boat ride and all wonderful kind of things that that kind of thing entailed. On this trip you will read about; spoopy magic, slavery, creepy doctors, implied rape, and head-canon villain origins. The story is told in an almost journal-esque style that makes it rather interesting, and is a fairly unique story in terms of premise.

In terms of what I liked (and I’m just going to flat out spoil that the main character is Sombra, you were warned), I would have to say that the story being told is well executed. It’s hard to put into words why I felt this, but I would have to guess that the story flowed well from plot point to plot point and with interesting characters. The flow of things perhaps being the best executed as it really gets you to keep reading as there doesn’t seem to be a dull moment to things. The reveal that this was Sombra as a kid was also excellently handled as there are many clues that this is the case sprinkled in to make the reveal matter and make sense. Secondly, the characters are excellently handled, particularly when it came to Sombra, the other two kids, and the doctor. The characterization felt realistic and they all seemed to be thought out and rounded. Finally, something I should say I enjoyed was the world building going on. While this was very much secondary to the main plot, there was enough here to help flesh out the world and make it feel more real than many pure or mostly pure all original stories.

Now for the negatives. I will get the primary criticism, and reason for the spoiler warning, done first. The last chapter, what the heck happened? I am not going to say that it was rushed, but a lot happens very quickly and without a great deal of lead up or explanation. The primary issues I have are why it was so easy for him to win (addressed later), why he was killing the slaves, and if his story to the viscount was entirely of his own or something he knew of/overheard. The killing slaves thing was especially strange because the explanation and how the chapter progressed seemed to contradict one another. Now, this doesn’t mean that the reason was bad it very well could have been good, but the way it was described did not make it clear. Added on, I would have liked for there to have been just a little more clarity as to whether the story he told the viscount was a lie he created or what, as the answer develops his character in different ways.

So, we also learn this is Sombra in the last chapter, as I said in the positives, but this chapter done did my boy dirty in my opinion. Why? Well, in this story, his ascension to a mega powerful threat to Equestria was less a product of his own vices, virtues, personality, and drive, and more a result of some unseen evil deciding to power him up and train him. Now, I have no fundamental issues with this kind of story for Sombra, but in my experience and from what I have learned about writing, this is a sub-optimal direction for a story. Now let me elaborate. Throughout the story, we desperately want to see the viscount get his comeuppance, and for some kind of justice and good outcome to come to those that deserve it. The issue is, by having Sombra get manipulated into becoming an ass, be told that he was cultivated into becoming a better ass, yet continue to be an ass without any self-reflection, all the good will that was garnered from me evaporated. I feel this is especially egregious seeing as Sombra shows a distaste of slavery, yet seems unfazed at being told he was being taken advantage of. I know he shows some signs at the end that this is having him question things, but it feels more token than anything and closer to him going “That’s awful... Anyways.”

As I have been saying, the doctor thing was weird as all hell. While his existence was well foreshadowed while things were coming to a head, the whole last chapter sort of kills a lot of the quality that had been building up, not least because of how the revelation changed Sombra’s character. The biggest issue, and what I was referring to in the first negatives paragraph, is that it cheapens the success of Sombra’s plan. Sombra didn’t come across as truly succeeding in what he was doing because of what he learned and how he executed his plan, but because he was basically unopposed.

Final scores;

Writing: 10/10, This was outstanding. While I did catch a few issues, they were minor and irregular.

Pacing: 8/10, This was going oh so well up to the end. The last chapter was a bit of a mess pacing wise and spoiled a lot of the good feelings I had going. If the final section, starting with Sombra deciding to ‘buy’ the other two kids, was stretched out over just another chapter or two, all my problems would go away. It might seem harsh to deduct two points here, but this is how the story ENDS, and you never want to end a story in a way that leaves your reader with a bad taste.

Characters: 9/10, As I said earlier, this was excellent, with ponies feeling like real people. The point reduction comes from the reality that despite several characters being well written, key characters like the Viscount and the doctor are, in reality, fairly two dimensional. This isn’t a bad thing, see the fact it is only a docking of a single point, but when I can tell someone that the story has an ass-hat slave owner and a creepy doctor that specializes in magic and have then describe the characters to a t without reading the story, there is a slight issue.

World Building: 8/10, This was well fleshed out for the most part. When a new concept was addition to the established mlp lore, there was more often than not a good amount of explanation to that added piece. I would have just liked to have more questions answered here like who was the doctor, why did Sombra go from an abolitionist to Andrew Johnson, and just a little more interms of explanation as to the different natures of magic

Concept/Originality: 10/10, This story was very interesting and I can honestly say I have never seen a story like this told in this way

Total Score: 45/50 or 9/10, This is the second highest score I have ever given a story, and I do not say this lightly. This is a story that others should read and enjoy because the story is definitely that good. The issues I have basically boil down to the last chapter being rather strange in terms of quality and just didn’t fit perfectly well with the others.

Hey, thanks for the review and I'm glad you liked it.
This story is intended for a sequel, so I plan to answer pretty much all of those questions in it. As much as he is sort of cartoonish (he's based on Hisoka from HxH), the doctor is absolutely one of my favorite things in that story, and the pony behind him should make an appearance before it all ends.