TRainbow in the Dark

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Comedy
• Horror

Rainbow Dash isn't about to let something like 'being a creature of the night' or 'thirsting for blood' stop her from having a good time.

• Violence
• Alt. Universe
• Rainbow Dash
• Scootaloo

Raeligath · 38k words  ·  57  3 · 2.2k views

Rainbow in the Dark by Raeligath is next on my list of stories to review. Looking at the blurb and the cover picture, I’m interested! (Also, I’m biased towards Rainbow Dash, so that’s probably why.)

Before I carry on, please note that, at the time of this review, the author has published only the first ten chapters. This review will hence consider the only first ten chapters of the story.

In addition, this review discusses the content in a detailed manner. Do not read further if you do not intend to spoil it for yourself!

Summary

When ponies disappear seemingly out of nowhere from Nightmare Night, an organization of investigators turn up to begin looking into this. And of course, they must employ strict lockdown measures to aid in their search for the answers.

Rainbow Dash thought she was lucky to evade the most of it.

But no, she was proven wrong, as fate had other plans for her…

Strange, weird, even aberrant things began to unfold in front of her very eyes such that, when she woke up from a so-called dream, she saw herself evolve and morph into a vampiric form of herself in time.

Who was responsible? And why? How was this even possible?

Content/Plot Analysis + Flow

Note that this review will discuss the story in a chronological manner.

The story begins with the introduction of a multi-racial group of characters who were essentially pranked by Rainbow Dash thanks to her manipulation of lightning scaring them away during Nightmare Night. However, in the darkness, Rainbow Dash was approached by a figure who knocked her out in the cold. The start of the story is intriguing to me, with the author teasing minute details of the scene to bring Rainbow Dash into the picture as the prankster she was as a character.

The story was off to a great start that certainly captured my attention, with apt suspense portrayed through excellent paragraphing to stimulate that suspense. The usage of these tools was fitting to inspire the tone of the story and the overall direction it was headed towards, especially leaving the reader on tenterhooks at the ending of the first chapter. Though, on that note, I found that the last line of the story’s first chapter may be enhanced, since I felt that the author had an opportunity to showcase the experience and the perspective of Rainbow Dash when she was knocked out by the strange figure. Perhaps conveying how she may have lost her senses, her orientation or that she lost sight of the figure in an instant the lunge connected. I feel that this would be better for the reader to connect with the characters in the story and picture the scene, as the descriptions would come off in a more direct manner.

Next, the story introduces the sudden appearance of these investigators authorized by Princess Twilight herself to look into the disappearance of various ponies during Nightmare Moon who began enforcing new laws to lockdown the town in an attempt to get to the bottom of this mystery. Firstly, I must note that it is interesting that the story touches on the concept on a phased lockdown, especially with what’s currently happening in the world around us during and after the time of the author’s writing. Secondly, I felt that the fact that ponies were disappearing from the circumstances of Nightmare Night was introduced rather abruptly. I wished that the author could have introduced some foreshadowing to drop off some subtle hints of the disappearance of various ponies, potentially witnessed by Rainbow Dash to would warrant or explain the situation at hoof. The reception of this news by the citizens seemed to be of shock and concern, which shows that most, if not all, were unaware of the disappearance of their fellow citizens, which somewhat surprised me. Perhaps a short interlude to display the worry and sorrow of ponies who had their friends disappear into nothingness would be better than simply stating the fact directly from the dialogue of the agent speaking at the podium.

Anyways, thanks to Rainbow Dash’s outburst during the speech in protest of these mandated rules, she was thrown into interrogation and questioning. I would like to add that this part of the story didn’t quite add to the overall content of the story; granted, it did convey that the agents had the jurisdiction of law enforcement under the decree of the crown, even with Twilight’s friends, but I felt that the story went quite at length to portray this information at the moment. Perhaps the author would use this information obtained by the interrogator in future chapters to expose this all.

Now for the interesting part. A hungry Rainbow Dash woke up to see four menacing canines that appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Before I continue, allow me to comment that the jump between the sequence of events between Rainbow Dash leaving the interrogating room and sleeping slightly hampered the flow in my eyes. This is especially so when the story’s writing tone shifted to a more direct approach of dealing with Rainbow’s imagination, thoughts and emotions during her slumber from the more narrative, expository tone. Maybe the author could introduce a short excerpt between the ideas to bridge this connection, as it would be better than stating the fact that Rainbow was asleep plainly in the title of the chapter in question.

Notwithstanding with the comments above, I love how the author develops the thirst of blood vampiric Rainbow Dash had in a gradual manner. The execution of this aspect of the story was well-managed; the instinct of the vampiric side of her eventually overcoming her was more than convincing to me. Great job!

In fact, after Rainbow Dash’s thirst for blood was somewhat quenched, a proud, deep voice who originated telepathically in her mind spoke to her and revealed to her that it was responsible for her vampiric metamorphosis and that it was incredibly proud of her. Again, I enjoyed the creepiness the author inspired from his/her writing; it was beautifully written and gradual.

The story continued with the depiction of separate instances during which Rainbow Dash’s identity was almost exposed and her realization to accept the reality that she was in. I won’t spoil much of the chapters here, but these reinforce the two points I have brought up above on the writing style of the author. It emphasizes the struggle between her element of loyalty and her thirst of blood thanks to her vampirism. In addition, the following scenes showcase how her friends are inclined to help her snap out of her vampiric trance, but are compelled not to due to their previous, strongly-built friendship prior. I think the author has done a great justice in these sections, as he/she vividly depicts how the situation was unfolding, from the emotive aspects of the characters, to the development of the ideas that ran through the story.

Finally, I must admit that the ending of the last written chapter was striking. The author presents a clear conflict with the moral and ethical dilemma thrown in front of Rainbow Dash to mull over, given by none other than that mysterious voice in her head, the creator of her vampirism. The question was whether Rainbow Dash would actually follow the voice in her head to drink from fellow ponies’ blood to cure herself of her vampirism. (Honestly, I think this is a trap.) This is a riveting ending that definitely grasped my interest.

Language

Language errors were rare. Come, let’s look at some of the recommendations I would like to make to the author, in the appropriate sub-sections.

Syntax

“…We believe each of these disappearances to be related to one another.”

“…We believe each of these disappearances are to be related to one another.”

Tenses

Silence fell upon the home, save for the creaking wood of the floorboards and walls subject to the wind outside.

Silence fell upon the home, save for the creaking wood of the floorboards and (the) walls subjected to the wind outside.

Stance

This is a brilliant read that I thoroughly enjoyed and I would certainly recommend, though I wished that start could have been even stronger. There was a voice in my mind that forced the hand on my mouse to place this story into my tracking bookshelf, and I couldn’t resist it.

Content/Plot: 8.5/10
Flow/Communication: 7.8/10
Language/Readability: 7.8/10
Overall: 8/10

To improve, the author could consider foreshadowing the activities that occur in the story and the flow of ideas that stem between each section of the story; do check my comments above. And as always, I am always here to talk about your story.