TI Burn First

• Equestria Girls
• Romance
• Sad

Wallflower just wanted to be forgotten. It was best for everyone if she was just left alone for good. That's why she hates Sunset, for never just giving her what she wanted. That's why she loves her too.

• Suicide / Self Harm
• Sunset Shimmer
• Wallflower Blush

JackRipper · 2.8k words  ·  69  5 · 1.8k views

Wallflower just wanted to be forgotten. It was best for everyone if she was just left alone for good. That's why she hates Sunset, for never just giving her what she wanted.

That's why she loves her too.

I’m a sucker for sadfics. I like to joke around that I have a heart of ice because most sadfics I read don’t actually make me sad. Sure, the scenario is sad, but did it make me cry? No? Well, then, I don’t know what to tell you I’m genuinely impressed when sadfics manage to make me cry (or accidentally hit all of my buttons at once). Couple that with my slightly morbid fascination with psychology and the places the mind wanders to and it’s right up my alley

Disclaimer: I Burn First deals heavily with mental health and self-harm. Please, read the story at your discretion. If you or someone that you know is struggling, please consider getting professional help or calling a national/regional crisis hotline. You’re worth the effort.

Plot and Setting

In just 2,764 words, there isn’t too much to I Burn First, but for what the story lacks in length, it more than makes up for in characterization and depictions of the gritty reality of mental health. It’s not pretty nor is it romanticized – it is what it is. There’s a duality shown in the story that I don’t see together often in other stories in a way that feels realistic; one side of the story portrays Wallflower, the character who comes head-to-head with the darkest thoughts their mind can conjure up, while the other shows Sunset, the “outsider” to everything going on in Wallflower’s head who wants to help but finds that there’s only so much she can do. JackRipper manages to tread the delicate balance to make their story hopeful towards the end that things will get better when the effort is put in.

If there is one complaint I have about the story, it’s the dialogue towards the end of the story, especially when Sunset says that she’ll “fix you [Wallflower]”. From my own personal experience as being the receiver and giver of similar statements, there isn’t one person in your life who can fix everything for you. We can try so, so hard to be there for someone when they need us the most and still ultimately fall short of our hopes. Recovery is a hard road to travel on that’s made even harder when we don’t have support systems or people to fall back on when things get tough, but mental health is so delicate that promises such as “I will always be there for you” or “I will fix you” could potentially have devastating effects on someone if those promises are broken. People in crisis might latch onto those promises and hoist their expectations upon another person, hoping that the other person will always be there for them even if they hate being a burden on others and that they will be fixed, regardless of how much effort they put into the recovery process themselves. At the same time, I can’t fault the gut-instinct to want to make these promises. It’s human nature to care about the well-being of others, and if making those promises can convince someone to start moving on, then we’ll say them even if we’re unsure as to whether or not we can keep them.

The general theme of the last few lines of the story feel a bit shoe-horned in given the length of the story itself and I feel that the story would have benefited if those themes had been explored a bit further. I’m willing to overlook this, since I suffer from “I can’t write any long things, I max out at like 3k words” and this kind of story works with a short length. As for how it would fare if it was longer? Well, that’s a game of “what if”

If there was a second complaint I had to make about the story, it would be the romance element since it also felt a bit forced, though that might just be my aromanticism speaking. Scampy had a hand in this story, so I’m not surprised Sunflower was written into the story. Salute to the notorious Wallflower writer o7

Section rating: 8.2/10 (the 0.2 is there for fun times)

Character Exploration

There are so many small details and nuances that help immerse the reader in I Burn First and ground the story using its emotions and the reader’s empathy. For example, the rain at the beginning of the story proves to be a distraction that Sunset indulges and later uses as a meager excuse for seemingly inexplicable actions – is she making excuses for the reader or herself? It’s an ambiguous point that mimics so many of our own habits when we confront an uncomfortable situation.

Sunset stands at the edge of a precipice, a single step away from diving headfirst into uncharted territory. There an unsurety in her actions leading up to her chat with Wallflower that makes itself known in subtle ways: “did I make a mistake to leave her alone? Am I making the right decision to talk to her? Should I have entered her apartment or not?” Though not always explicitly written, these questions and others like them are the undertones of almost all of Sunset’s actions throughout the story. The second-thinking is something that’s common for a lot of people who find themselves as (or want to be) members of a support system for a person in crisis, yet another aspect of the story that grounds its themes in realism. “Should I do this? Will this help them or hurt them? Am I doing too much or too little?”

Wallflower provides an insight to some of the thoughts of someone with poor mental health who actively self-harms. Her experiences are not indicative of everyone who struggles with their darker thoughts, but they certainly resonate with a lot of people. Sometimes, we might have the same thoughts but come from different backgrounds, and other times, we might come from the same, dark hole and have completely different thoughts. JackRipper has done an excellent job of conveying the desolate place Wallflower finds herself in, even if it might seem like an extreme scenario. There’s one line that likely hit home for more than a few people:

Wallflower looked at her blankly as they broke away. “I was hoping I’d feel something more.” She put a hand on her chest. “I mean… I did feel something, but it wasn’t much. I thought I would feel alive again.” Small tears dribbled down her cheeks. “Am I broken?”

It’s an unfortunate reality that mental health is so negatively stigmatized. It doesn’t seem like it’s normal, so we perceive that something is wrong with us, that we’re broken in some way, and that we need to be fixed in order to feel normal. In three words, JackRipper captured the desperation to feel normal again and the not-so-quiet pleading to know just how far we’ve fallen from the ideal life.

The way that JackRipper wrote I Burn First leaves us on a hopeful note and the hint that things will get better. Maybe Wallflower isn’t perfect, but she’ll get better and being better is good. It’s a nice message to portray through the well-written characterization of Sunset and Wallflower.

Section rating: 9.5/10

Grammar, Formatting, and Consistency

I think one of the sections I most enjoyed was the formatting tricks used on the text messages at the beginning of the story. Not only do they look like actual text messages, but there was care taken into the timing of the messages: it takes Twilight 12 minutes to reply as she does some digging, but she responds immediately for things that don’t require as much effort (like sending a frowny face). There’s a lot of attention to detail that I appreciate in this story!

The only complaints I have in this section of the review have to do with comma and period placements, although I do acknowledge that they were placed where they were for stylistic and narrative reasons, such as putting more emphasis on one line over another. There were just a few that made me raise my eyebrows and go, “Here? Alright, then.”

Grammar: 8/10
Formatting: 9/10
Consistency: 10/10
Section rating: 9/10

My Little Nitpicks

Given the nature of the story as one about mental health and the story’s short length, I’ve elected to forego this section of the review out of respect. If you’d like to pick my brain about specific sections of the story, feel free to ask!

Final Thoughts

A short but intimate story about mental health that features well-written portrayals of Sunset and Wallflower that gives you a sense of hope at the end. If you’re a fan of Scampy, I would definitely recommend this story! It is a realistic look into struggles and the beginning of the recovery process, so I would say that it isn’t for the faint of heart.

Final rating: ((8.2+9.5+9)/3)/10 = (26.7/3))10 = 8.9/10

I’m also writing this after pulling an all-nighter. Oh boy, I wonder how this is going to turn out once I reread it after getting some sleep