Between Apples & Riches by DTavs exe
So, with that last story out of the way, I can get on to reviewing proper clop. And this isn’t your run of the mill clop, no, this was clop I am astonished was put in the general review folder rather than my request folder.

“This story contains: anatomically correct genitalia including teats and clitoral winking…”

This, this is what I live for, realism. Even if I was opposed to reading clop, I would feel obligated to review this story for this statement alone.

This story is about Applejack and Filthy Rich getting it on because Filthy’s wife is not exactly the loving and caring type. It is a simple 5k word story about Applejack being thirst for some Filthy *nudge**nudge**wink**wink* love. The story is in two parts, the main story with the clop and Romeo and Juliet kind of romance, and the Epilogue with even sappier love and romance.

So, a few little things before I get into the review proper because I feel like putting the snarky humorous suggestions at the beginning this time rather than at the end. First off, wine? Honestly Filthy, if you are going for the whole disgustingly rich aesthetic, you smoke your cigars with cognac or scotch; brandy, single malt whisky, and bourbon for the ‘I only smoke with the ideal two for special occasions’ mentality. Second, I think Applejack might be orgasming just a little too easily. It is possible that she could have a hair trigger when it comes to orgasming, but hot damn, if she was a guy, she would be a two pump chuck. 

So, as a story, I rather enjoyed what was here. As many of you know, I am not exactly someone you come to for a review if it is of the romantic or sappy variety, that is Azure and Nailah. However, I am the reviewer that will review mature content, so you still get that review. This story was a fun little romp about an extramarital affair and two ponies who were meant to be together. We get an interesting look into how deeply this love goes and what lengths the two are willing to go to to be together, it rather sweet in a saccharine way.

As far as criticisms go, there are a few, and they are fairly significant. The first is the writing. This writing was rough. There were consistent grammar mistakes and about half of the sentences and paragraphs just didn’t feel right. I could understand them, my problem lied in that I wasn’t immediately able to understand what was trying to be conveyed. 

Second is the descriptions of the sex. I will not hide that I have read more than my fair share of clop, so when I say I was not feeling the sex scenes, you know there might have been something wrong. I will not say I am the arbiter of good clop, I wrote several scenes of that variety for Azure and he can tell you I suck at it, but what I can say is that this story does the one thing that Azure had to beat out of me; overly describing things. This story describes sex probably even more than I am inclined to do, and does so in a way that is actually a bit offputing.

Final scores;

Writing: 6/10, There were obvious errors in both grammar and sentence construction. The story doesn’t feel entirely polished and that is disappointing. One of the biggest issues is that the use of tense is almost never consistent, leading to a subpar reading experience. I don’t know how hard it is to get an editor for a story like this but an effort should be made nonetheless. 

Pacing: 8/10, The story is overall well paced with a nice flow to things that assures that things are happening in a timely fashion. The biggest gripe I have is that once the scene is set, they jump right in, no foreplay or lead up just ‘hey you told me to meet you here.’ ‘yep, I love you’

And that the sex is a wee bit overly detailed.

Characters: 8/10, The two central characters are well developed for the length of story, if a little too lovey dovey for my liking. There is also the fact that Spoiled never fleshes out more than ‘is a garbage individual’. It works, it just doesn’t tickle my fancy.

Concept/Originality: 9/10, I can say that AJxFilthy is not a pairing I have seen before. I have read Apple Sleep Experiment, but that is a different kind of parring. The only issue I have just come from this being a little, safe might be the best word. This story just feels like I’ve read it before. The premise is fairly original, I just couldn’t shake this feeling that it wasn’t.

Cuteness: 8/10, It is a love story that is about as star crossed and sugar filled as you can get for romance/clop. The love between AJ and Filthy was so disgustingly sweet I could feel my teeth rotting. It gets a little heavy handed, but that might just be me as I am not the audience for this type of story.

Total Score: 39/50 or 7.8/10, This is a solid story that just desperately needs an editor. The foundation is good and seems to be what people look for in a story, it just needs some eyes on it to fix up the grammar.

7165602 So I know that I'm not an admin here and I know I'm going to sound like a rule policemen here, but I believe the site rules state that we can't link mature content (but embedding is allowed).

7165613
Fixed

7165618 Awesome, just remember you can embed the story using the video camera icon (which is acceptable), like this.

[Adult story embed hidden]

Hey thanks for reviewing my fic, I'm glad it had an overall acceptable score for you and I agree, is far from polished and is my fault since the dude that was going to proof read it let me down and I was too paranoid to accept someone else.