EThe Best and The Worst

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Drama
• Mystery

Twilight Sparkle has seen some of the best of humanity during her visits to Earth. Now it is time she sees some of the worst...

• Crossover
• Alt. Universe
• Twilight
• Celestia

Firesight · 16k words  ·  116  7 · 2.6k views

Summary

In a world where Celestia has secretly built a country in our world. She brings Twilight over to teach her about humanity, both it's advantages and disadvantages. This is a story where she is taught about one of Humanities most destructive and grievous mistakes.

This is a great mystery of a real event that can be researched and uncovered as Equestrian society has never experienced a similar event. And that makes it a nice story where the reader figure out what the answers are before the protagonist, where the answer is explained in a nice fashion that doesn't feel heavy-handed. It's also nice to see the interaction in limitations of Equestrian magic/alchemy within the context of human technology and our magicless world.

Besides the single out of place transition and dialogue-heavy style it had at the end I can't find anything bad with this. The message although outright stated is presented in a good manner while also being one that everyone can learn. The ending is compelling and positive, leaving off with a sort of cliffhanger that makes you happy, not wanting more.

Ratings

Realism:

8/10

The characters are realistic for both our world as well as the show. The deductions are explicit and don't feel heavy-handed or forced onto the reader, which is an extremely important aspect for a mystery to present correctly.

Description:

8/10

The descriptions are clean and give a clear vision of the environment. While providing images of the facts to help the readers visualise it better. However, using real photos can be a double-edged blade because the writer can limit what they write, or it can seem that the writer got the image first is using it to write their description.

Facts:

9/10

This story is well researched and correctly uses real facts throughout the solving of the mystery. There are links to where Firesight has researched, including photos of the incident both during and after that he uses. The links, however, can destroy the pacing of the story which will be given a possible solution.

Feedback

Please remember these are just suggestions based on experience and knowledge of story writing. Thank you.
A way to utilise photos and images in stories is to focus more on the senses that the photo can't present.
With the issue that the links can destroy the pacing of the mystery, It would be better to include them in the author's notes section of the fic.

Thank you for the good review! Your time and attention is appreciated, as was the like you left on the story. I do have one minor comment. You said that “using real photos can be a double-edged blade because... it can seem that the writer got the image first and is using it to write their description.”

Guilty as charged. That’s exactly what I did, because I was going for accuracy and realism. That being the case, why wouldn’t I want to use actual pictures to describe from?

On the other hand, as I think about it, your point about too many links/pictures disrupting pacing is valid. I could have gone with an image or two less in later chapters and may remove a couple. I will take that feedback under advisement for next time.

Thanks again!

7122142

Guilty as charged. That’s exactly what I did, because I was going for accuracy and realism. That being the case, why wouldn’t I want to use actual pictures to describe from?

I actually answered that:

A way to utilise photos and images in stories is to focus more on the senses that the photo can't present.

7122412

I see now that you did. My apologies. Yes, I see what you mean. I'll keep that in mind for future works and see if there are any changes I could make to the existing story along those lines.