The spark of hope by Applejackisbest

Now, on to ‘Scootaloo in an orphan; the sequel, reloaded, revenge of the part II electric boogaloo’. So, everyone's favorite 4chaner, Anonymous, is in Equestria, and this time he is a cell phone provider that just so happens to have paternal feelings 

As a story it is fine. It’s only two chapters and things have yet to actually pick up yet. I don’t feel this story was quite ready for a review quite yet due to this reason. But for what is there there is indeed something going on.

As for what I didn’t like. The chief and primary issue I have is in the writing. There were constant spelling, grammar, and construction errors that were oh so distracting. The author needs an editor to go over the work here and fix up the glaring issues. Furthermore, a major issue I had was that there seems to be a distinct lack of foreshadowing or telegraphing of things that will happen. Things feel like they were added for almost no other reason than progressing the plot in a specific direction. While I might be a hypocrite for saying this, the story doesn’t feel like its being told to tell a story the author felt needed to be told but more so to just tell a story.

Final scores;

Writing: 5/10, This was rough. There is an abundance of grammatical errors that just had me slogging through this story. Major work needs to be done to iron this out.

Pacing: 6/10, This is a story that slept in the day that the other stories learned about Freytag's Pyramid and Chekhov's gun. Things happen but there just isn’t the proper weight to them. There is a distinct lack of build up to things happening, they just do and we move on. I would strongly advocate for a pumping of the proverbial brakes so that we can sit on events and use them for story/character development. 

Characters: 6/10, See problems with pacing. Characters just react and are acted upon, there isn’t the right amount of buildup and development to really take anything from this that would shift my opinion of the characters away from what can only be described as apathy.

Atmosphere: 7/10, This was neither good nor bad, it simply was. We have a fairly generic main character initiating a fairly generic plot (I didn’t want to tank the score so originality was not going to be scored) that really hasn’t gone anywhere yet. We get some idea as to there being more to the world than what is directly happening but it's almost entirely inconsequential to the overall happenings.

Cuteness: 6/10, Orphan Scootaloo gets her shit kicked in, hospital visit, implied adoption. We are told cuteness is happening, I’m just not getting it.

Total Score: 30/50 or 6/10, This was the start of a story that is meant to eventually go somewhere. I don’t know how long the end product is meant to be, but as of now, the amount of content is just a little too low for me, as well as needing an editor.