Invisible to You by Toriandthehorse

So, continuing on with the sad and depressing stories, we get a story of Spike deciding to test Galileo’s hypothesis of of gravity at the crystal castle, except using himself instead of a cannon ball. This was all initiated because Spike wasn’t hugged enough when he/while he was a baby. Well, better than deciding to practice his fire breathing at the school. (Yes, I am quiping about suicide and school shootings. No, I am not apologising. I quip in every one of my reviews now, and this being a story about taking a long walk with a sudden drop doesn’t lend itself to SFW me.)

Well, for me, in terms of what I liked, this story was an entertaining little distraction for me. I like dark things and this was pretty bleak. Story wise, it is a simple little thing; Spike’s suicide note to Twilight. It’s dark, delves into some interesting concepts as to why it has gotten to this point and ultimately makes you feel a bit sad for the guy. This might become a running theme in these short reviews but then story overall was fine. There’s only so much one can say was done well in a story this short unless the review becomes longer than the story itself due to me bringing up literary theory. No one wants to read about literary theory.

However, I can not emphasize enough the importance of sympathising with the main character, because this is where the story fell rather short for me. Now is it realistic? Yes, the suicide note sounds like what I wrote a few times as a teenager before I learned what realitiveity and perspective were (but mostly nihilism and spite). And thats where the problem is for me. It actually SOUNDS like a teenagers ‘end self’ note, with all the ‘woe is me, life is suffering’ prattle that invariably comes with it. Spike is mostly just reading my old writing, and that writing was done by young-adult Schattendrache, and f*** young-adult Schattendrache, he doesn’t know jack.

What I’m getting at is that it is a realistic suicide note with all the trite reasons that most every suicide note comes with.

[my help for Spike.]

Final scores;

Writing: 9/10, There were really very few errors that I could pick up on while reading this. This was very well done.

Pacing: 7/10, So, this was a suicide note. If anyone is familiar with these things you will get the idea of the relative pacing here. It is realistic, which is why I am not docking all too many points, but it’s still the case that this is a suicide note, and they are not exactly writen by individuals that care all that much about propper story construction. 

Characters: 7/10, See last section. We only get the view of one character and they be offing themselves. We get a good idea of what’s driven them to this point but, again, the character is a typical teenager in this regard so the true amount of depth here is still relatively shallow compared to what I would prefer.

Darkness: 8/10, Your mileage may vary, but honestly, suicide for me is a fairly ‘meh’ topic. I’ve never had anyone around me do it so, if it would affect me to a significant degree, I couldn’t say how dark this would be in my books. I will recognise though that it seems to tear most people apart so thats pretty metal I guess.

Atmosphere: 4/10, Now, this section can be entirely removed based on your opinion here. I personally felt I should have one section where I don't molly-coddle the topic of suicide notes being cringe. Take every stereotype of an edgy, the world is pain and suffering, my life is terrible teenager and get them to write from the heart, what amounts to a suicide note is what you would get. It’s not my jam but it might be for you, who knows?

Total Score: 35/50 or 7/10 {31/40 or 7.75/10}, This was a realisticaly done suicide note, with all the pros and cons that come with it. Your opinion will vary based on how well you like/dislike these. 

{note to author; what happened to the story you did on Fluttershy? I read it and thought it was the shit, now it it gone. What happened?}

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Thank you! I see how this should improve, and I'll go back in and work around a bit. I appreciate your taking the time to read!

I read it and thought it was the shit, now it it gone. What happened?

Heh, basically, I realized that too.

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No , what I mean by that was that it was the story that got me to watch you, It was awesome. I have a review ready to go for it too that prases it. Bring it back, it was awesome
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