EPinkie's Promise

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Slice of Life

Being responsible for a large fine against the Cakes' bakery, Pinkie takes it upon herself to open her own bakery to help pay off the debt.

• Pinkie

RCharge · 15k words  ·  13  1 · 599 views

Summary of Story: Being responsible for a large fine against the Cakes' bakery, Pinkie takes it upon herself to open her own bakery to help pay off the debt.

Initial thoughts: I saw this was a slice of life, featuring Pinkie, figured it would be a quick and fast review I could get out while busy with my hectic work schedule. Well, not only was the story highly disappointing, but the whole things just feels like a giant waste of time. I'll explain more shortly. 6/10

What I liked: I like the idea of Pinkie Pie having her own bakery, but the setup for how she makes one is not very believable, and makes you question why she didn't just talk to her friends in the first place. You know friendship is Magic and all. The cakes even though their role in the story is small serve the point of the story without making it drag on.

What I didn't like: The plot. First off if Pinkie Pie just talked to Twilight about the situation, this story would've never happened. Because as a Princess, Twilight could have easily gotten that inspector guy in a heck of a lot of trouble. Not to mention the whole thing with borrowing money, needing loans. There's no logical way Pinkie Pie could do this all in the span of what? A month? I just can't believe that.

Grammar: There were some cases of misspellings, and quite a lot of misplaced commas. Scenes didn't always flow because of this. Needs to be glossed over once more. 6/10

Characterzation: Pinkie Pie at times here is believable, but at other times feels too dumb to be Pinkie Pie. She should know how to give this guy his due, and give him quite the belly ache with sweet delicious sweets. Not only that but Pinkie Pie isn't really known to be a bubbling mess when something is important. 5/10

Story/Concept: The idea itself was a good one, the execution was anything but. I cannot recommend reading this unlike the holes of the plot are fixed as it makes the reading a rather long drag if nothing changes. Even I felt forced to read the last few chapters to the point I almost turned on the auto reader. x-x 4/10

Overall thoughts: You have a good idea here, just not the proper execution. Consider all the things that make Pinkie Pie unique, and try telling this tale in a believable way that doesn't make us cringe and feel forced to continue. 6/10

Final score: 6+6+5+4+6=27/50
or 5.4/10