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Review of chapter 1

Chapter 2&3

Summary:
So, the second chapter builds up some main event, that is a bit oversized. Something runs our of hoof and causes a lot of trouble/destruction in Ponyville, leaving one of the main characters behind injured and so Applejack, in the third chapter, takes care of the second main character for a chapter to bring it to Fluttershy.

The good thing is, the main 6 stay in character mostly, the dialogs are fitting for them and the pacing gets also better in the third chapter. Though, in the second chapter things more or less feel a bit just roling along, yes there is some 'big' event, but that doesn't carry the story forward. The tags are still comedy and romance, and while the romance part gets a few starting moments, the comedy is just sprinkles so far. The story still feels a lot like Slice of Life with a light romance to it.

I am not sure if the author just picked the wrong tags, or is actually bad at writing comedy. I mean the overall writing quality is fine, the dialogs, even from the side characters and the way things are descripteds (despite the fact they overdo it sometimes) are good, while the amusement and entertainment are running dry. I smiled one or two times and found a scene in chapter 3 quite cute, but otherwise it was just reading stuff.

Honestly, I can see the author has some skill, and I remember that the first chapter back in the days was quite good from the writing side, but if one offers their story as a comedy-romance one, it has to be more funny and hearttouching.

Pros:
Nice name references
Some cute stuff in chapter 3
Prench ponies are evil!

Cons:
Some kind of purple alicorn problem mixed up with over explanation.
Everyone has problems with Mucos on their mouth but Applejack doesn't mind a lot from it in her fur.
Missed the 'tags'

Rating:

Romance: 3/10 There is some starting up and nothing wrong with starting it slowly, but for a story tagged romance it is to less.
Comedy: 2/10 Not really making me smile very often.
Entertainment factor: 2/10 Well, if this was a Slice of Life thing... but so, nope, not that entertaining.
Characters: 8/10 They fit, also their lines are good.

15/40 = 3.75/10
+
Chapter 1 14/30 = 4.66

= 8,41/20 = 4,2/10

*

5/10Total

Feedback:

Okay, you can write stuff, I see that, so either get your tags in line, OR, write more comedy and romance in this. Placing a big chaotic event in a very descriptive and interesting storyline driven chapter, doesn't make it funny. Like I said in the previous Review, your main cast and idea is nice, something not worn out, use that and bring the readers to laugh or make their heart melt with romance.

6915431
Man, quite a tough crowd.

Give us a break, the author and I are trying our best. Besides, in terms of the romance, these chapters are really only the beginning.

6915761
Well, I noticed that the editing got better and also the characters are written good, so no that tough crowd

Yeah the romance stuff is just starting, but the story is still tagged as comedy too and there it looses soem points. I mean you got more for this than in the first chapter since you are improving still.