The Apple And The Frog by Im Mostly Irish

Pros:

• The descriptions are nicely done, I really like the train's one.
• Derpy being Derpy by her actions.
• In general entertaining storyline.
• Fresh idea for the main cast.

Cons:

• Derpy doesn't sound like Derpy though. The wordchoice doesn't fit for her.
• I think this puplished chapter could use a second look by your editor.
• A few inconsistencies here and there.

Summary:
It seems a bit early for a review with only one chapter puplished, because it seems this story will take a bit longer in the future. Anyway, the storyline starts good enough, there is enough room for descriptions, as well as for the plot to move forward. The beginning is exspecialy good at it, since the necassary informations about the actors come in in a very good pacing, split over some paragraphs and not as a block of text to overwhelm the reader, while the general plot is explained between them.

When we come to the middle part, there things change a bit. The general plot is still good, there is some incident, like from the show, and one of the actors try to solve it. It is entertaining, and the writing style support that too. However, on the side of finetuning there would have been room for improvements. For example, the author have implied Derpy to their story, but giving her a word choice of a far more clever or educated pony. And while I read through the story, there was every now and then a spot where I noticed little inconsistencies, not enough to really get in the way of a good read, but also still noticable.

Spoken in general, this story has a nice way to tell things, also a fresh idea for the main cast, but could use a bit more attention to the small details.

Rating:
Story idea :8/10 (Only one chapter puplished so far, can't assume how the story will go on)
Character realism :5/10
Comedy and Romance :1/10 (There is not much yet, feels more like Slice of Life with some 'Derp' in it for the time being.

14/30 = 5/10

6707104
I’ll see when he can work on more chapters.

Would you be interested in reviewing what comes next in the story?

6707144
Well, it is allowed to resubmit a story for a Review. I just would say he should add a few more chapters first. It is hard to make a fair review when the actuall prommised content from the tags is not there yet.

6707146
Understandable.

6707104
Sir, you’ll be happy to know that another chapter has finally been uploaded, and the first chapter has also been fixed up.

6851824
So he may or may not submit it again, his choice.

6851824
The Review for that chapters are up now.