Fic Name: One Punch Stallion by OmnicsAreBest18

Summary of Fic:
A pony in Equestria gains the power to defeat enemy with one punch. The problem? He's now bored, with no challenges left in his life!

Scores:
Spelling, Grammar, and Flow: 3.5/5 (7/10)
Reasoning:
A few spelling errors that were pretty jarring, combined with sentence structure that didn't flow too well at parts, hindered this score a bit. Additionally, your use of commas needs work. Overall, not too bad, as the fic was legible, and conveyed its story without too many distractions or issues. A mechanical editor, or another read through before posting, might help you out here.

Concept: 3/5 (6/10)
Reasoning:
Crossovers inherently struggle with concept, but this one in particular had some issues. The protagonist is just a rewrite of the crossover works protagonist, and while the idea isn't inherently bad or problematic, it does mean that a large portion of this work is going to hang on execution. Overall, a good crossover idea in terms of works, but the idea of how they're crossed could be a bit more original.

Execution: 3.5/5 (7/10)
Reasoning:
The plot itself is okay, and the tone is usually upbeat and humorous, but there are two major issues with the work in execution: tangents, and the protagonist. Throughout the work, there kept being distractions from the story, from the events happening, to give long tangents on backstory and to explain world elements. This wouldn't be too bad, but these also tended to have a very "telling over showing" feel to them, and made me want to skip over areas. The protagonist's main issue was his inconsistency. He proclaims Saitama's ideal of "being a hero for fun", but needs to be effectively forced into getting involved in the first fight. Also, he complains about how no villains shows up, then later says many villains show up, but he beats them too quickly, leaving me confused about who he is as a character. The execution is really where this story needs the most work, but still is strong enough to appropriately convey the idea, so it deserves credit for effort.

Engagement: 3/5 (6/10)
Reasoning:
As I mentioned earlier, the tangents tended to drag and descriptions made me want to skip paragraphs. The second chapter had a fight that was written in the style of the first, which is not inherently a bad thing, but in doing so it used the same comedic structure to the fight. This grew boring pretty quickly, so changing up how you approach describing the fight might benefit the work. Also, the work describes literally every other pony he comes across, which made general scenes drag on even more. Overall, the pacing was best during the fights, and was well done there, but I would encourage the author to try to keep that pace through the rest of the story, as well as changing up the comedy structure to the fights so it doesn't come off as formulaic.

Positive Aspects:
Hold a lot of comedic potential by combining a strong comedy with an even more absurdist setting.
Action sequences held a good pacing and engaged interest.
Author has a strong grasp of the comedic element of writing.

Negative Aspects:
Pacing tends to drag outside of fighting scenes.
Author tends to give large exposition dumps and go on lengthy tangents.
Comma usage needs work, as there's fragmented sentences and run on sentences present in both chapters.
Anthro style is understandable, but I'm going to hold it against it, as it feels just a bit lazy.
Protagonist is inconsistent in motivation.
Tends to give direct motivations to characters that are not the protagonist, in a first person internal monologue type written style. Which tends to get confusing.

Recommendations to the Author:
- Have someone read over your work, it'll help you fix many spelling and grammar errors in your work.
- Instead of giving a description in the form "This is what was supposed to happen. It didn't happen. Why not? Me!" for combat scenes, try to mix it up a bit. Be a bit more explicit in terms of actions occuring, perhaps. Otherwise it'll get boring pretty quickly.
- I get that your character has a backstory, and you want us to understand him, but try not to just dump descriptions of it on the audience. Maybe a defined flashback chapter, or give him some reason to talk to another character about the fact he's moving.
- KEEP WRITING! I can't stress this enough: the best way I can reccomend to improve your skills is keep trying!

Final Notes:
Overall, I wanted to enjoy this story. I love One Punch Man, and a crossover with it could play in a really interesting way. Unfortunately, this story's emphasis on giving explanations and going on tangents really hindered me from engaging with it. Some of the jokes were funny, and the storyline is pretty interesting, but your character is a conundrum, and I felt like skipping entire paragraphs just so I could keep reading the interesting parts. Overall, I'd say it's a strong starting point, and it holds lots of potential for future chapter, but desperately needs a shift in technical skill to meet that mark.

Final Grade: 65%

Nice review!

I don't know if Azure told you this, but there's a chance the author might not see your review. You could link the review in the story's comment section.

It just subtly advertises the group and lets the author know that you reviewed their story.

6808187
Thanks for the tip. He did mention it, but his explanation wasn't very clear at the time.