To be a Breezie by Obsi

I read the prolouge and the first 3 chapters, since the ups and downs stay the same in each chapter, that might be enough.

Foreword:
Urg, this story is so splitted between awesome writing and atmosphere, but also suffering from a constantly annoying way of decisions by the main character on the other hoof.

I like this story, for its way to descripe scenes, for how thick the atmosphere is and that it pulls you into the scenes, make you feel them. But by Celestia, it annoyes me for how unlogical or stupid the reason why the scenes happen are!

I had a longer conversation with the author, starting in the comments and went on in a PM, it is by now over 3000words long (And it was only about the first 2 Chapters!!!), mostly about us arguing about his logic and the 'do it for the plot' decisions. I admit, the author tried his best to either explain or correct the spots, but in the end they told me they cares more for the pacing and atmosphere. That is alright, but as I told him, as a reviewer and not a common reader I have to take those things into consideration for this review.

Therefore, I changed my style of review for this story, I spare you all the pros and cons and instead go right into the summary.

Sumnmary:
Here we have an interesting idea for a story, Twilight changes into a Breezy and has to deal with many new, very good descripted and atmospheric incidents that fits for a small creature. The scenes are indeed nicely to read, they entertain and the variety is alright too, let the story make progress constantly and leave a nice impression. Also there is a hint of humour at the start which supports the good reading expirience.

However, this story really does a great job at annoy my logical/reasonable side. Not only does it change the character of Twilight to be less clever, make her lie, etc; to fit better for the plot, it also prevent her from making clever decisons to support the way the plot want to go. A good part of the problems she faces could be easely solved or prevented if she would act naturaly or had the abilities and skills she has is in the show. Like I said, I had a longer conversation with the author about it and they added a few things here and there to fix the bigger plotholes, (I will add a bonus point in the rating for this), but with nearly every new paragraph I read, I see new mistakes or very questionable stuff happen.

Yes, there is the point that authors can be a bit more creativ with their use of rules or behaviour of characters, like Twilight prefers Coffe here instead of Tee, but there is a limit and this story oversteps it.

Though, don't get fooled by this, the story is a good read after all. If we set aside the logic and character problems for a second, you will be entertained, sucked up into the scenes and worry with Twilight about her situation.

I recomment this story, if you are here for the atmosphere and like to read a good adventures story about the life of a breezy which clearly points with good writing style and entertainment factor.

Rating:
Atmosphere: 9/10
Scene description: 9/10
Ideas and Entertainmen factor: 9.5/10
Characters: 3.5/10
Logic: 1.5/10

32/50 = 6.5/10 +1Point for the author trying to fix the problems that I showed them.

7.5/10

Thanks for the review, I do agree there are some problems with those chapters, although I'm still happy with how they turned out.

I do want to put on context though that the Characters score may not be accurate, by simple virtue of Twilight being alone until the end of chapter 2, and even then you don't really know the new character beyond initial impression. (though up until the point where Azure Drache read, I think the scores are fair)

6748171
Your welcome

Yes I only have the impression off Honeydew from chapter 3 and a bit of chapter 2, but with him you have the advantage of him being an OC anyway, so you can't really do something wrong with his personality at this point in the story. Though, yes, maybe your characters that show up in later chapters are written nicely, I don't know, but so far this rating is alright

And I told people:

I recomment this story, if you are here for the atmosphere and like to read a good adventures story about the life of a breezy which clearly points with good writing style and entertainment factor.

So they can find out if they wish