Okay so for any of us in our early 20s and up, have any of you ever felt a certain need? Like the instinctive need to...well..."procreate" and produce a baby? If you have than awesome. Me? Well recently it's been a bit of a split thing here. See I have been going crazy (ier) lately with two differing opinions on the matter of family starting. On one wing, the idea appeals to me and the instinctive pull of the very idea has had my mind and body in a tizzy! Everywhere I look, I see babies or hear about one of my friends or family members about to have a baby. That makes my heart ache! However on the other wing, I'm 21 and am a fiercely independent woman who loves travelling and taking risks. That right there makes me rethink the whole idea immediately (plus the practical side says No job=No steady income for yourself and a baby). Has anyone else ever felt this way?

Edit: This also explains why a majority of my most recent stories have involved a character with a baby of some sort.

You are being snared by a program running in your genes. Humans evolved on the ancient veldt, and seldom lived past the age of 30. Your body is trying to accomplish a preprogrammed task appropriate for 500,000 years ago, but not for today. Of course your body wants to make babies: that is the program. Make babies before the lion eats you, or disease and hunger kills you, by age 30.

You also have an evolved brain, capable of overcoming your body. It is very hard to fight your own genes, but it is possible.

In the ancient, pretechnological tribal societies of South America there is a saying: parents join the dead ancestors when the first child is born. It means that the moment you have a baby to care for, your personal life dies. No, it does not mean you can never have fun again. But it does mean that for the rest of your days, if you are not terrible, the needs of your child will always eclipse your own. If their doctor visit, or school meeting, or soccer club falls on the days you wanted to travel, play, or relax - you cannot. Ever again. They come first. You come second. That is what being a (decent) mother is about. There literally is no other (decent) way to do the job.

Ask yourself one question: is your personal life over yet? Are you done being you for yourself yet? If you are done with yourself, then sure, have that baby.

If you are not yet done with having a personal life all to your own whim and desire, then fight that genetic program with every will you have. Because it is strong, and many women have lost themselves to it.

Good luck, whatever you choose. You will need it.

Your condition is common among ladies 20 & up, even with some teens.

But the facts stated by Chatoyance contains heavy valid points. Being a parent means giving up on living for yourself. You'll have to worry about your baby 24/7 & will have little to no time for yourself.

And as per the way you described yourself, it clearly shows that you have to yet complete enjoying life without having too much burden. Having a baby will certainly be a huge burden. You won't be able to travel as usual, your baby will be very irritated during your trips due to its fragility, resulting in your trip in being a complete flop.

And you need, I repeat, really do need a steady job & income. There are lots of mothers struggling in the world with unstable jobs & incomes, and if you want to be one of them, then you can take the risk.

Always remember, giving birth to a baby is not a small matter. It is huge : you are giving birth to your successor; you are providing everyone a new member of the society; a member of the next generation & I'm pretty sure no one would want their successor to suffer all through life just because of one wrong decision.

If you honestly think that you're absolutely ready, have steady income, ready to dedicate the rest of your mortal life caring for your successor by providing all the necessary things, then I don't think there's any problem.

According to me, a good time to have a child is between 24 & 30.

Anyways, I hope you get some insight from the advice you received from this thread & will be able to make good decision for yourself & for your future.

Good luck!

Crystal Out! xxxx

6819879
Meh. My maternal instinct is pretty weak.

Our modern situation is rather grim, though -- the best time to have a baby, in terms of health for both the mother and the child, is before you're 30. Yet our society, especially in America, is set up so only well off women can afford the social services to make this possible while still pursuing an education and a career, and costs for healthcare and homes are outrageous and labor rights are continually being stripped away. It's no wonder people are putting off having kids well into their 30s. But the only way to solve that would be with a political and social revolution, then everyone could have affordable childcare and this notion that we're a country of "family values" wouldn't be such a farce. But that's not looking too likely.

The thing is, all of you are making sense! Of course I made the conscious decision to not bear a child long ago (try...oh say 14). Purely due to the fact that I have seen it strip the very social life away from a woman. Ok? My older sister got pregnant young and at the tender age of 9, I became an auntie/co-parent/babysitter. I know the struggle is real. My sister is almost 30 and now has 4 kids (12 year old girl, 9 year old girl, 2 and 3/4 years old boy and 1 and a half year old girl) to take care of/love and raise up. All before the age of 21, I knew what most first time parents are kinda just learning. Don't get me wrong, I love kids and while the appeal does seem true, I feel I'd be a better pet mama than a human mama.

Well, as a girl who identifies as a trans female 90% of the time, I obviously know that I am unable to produce a baby myself. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I'll never be a mother. My mother had me when she was 37 years old, because she and my father wanted a child at that time. I'm now 19 and the responsibilities that I have now take up a lot of time, such as college, trying to find employment and attempting to complete and publish a novel. For me, adopting a child or baby isn't for me just yet. So, I don't think there's a set age limit where you should have a baby, as it'll be different for everyone.