Sorry I wasn't online for two weeks; I had an argument with my ISP. By the looks of it, some people have been working on their chapters and some have not, so once I finish applying for jobs, I'll start going over everything again.

6075551
Dang, hope everything works out for you.

6075727 Thanks. My internet is hooked back up, so that's a start lol.

6075551
Welcome back!

I swear I'm going to get those rewrites done. Eventually

6075551

Apologies from my end if my rewrites are going slowly. It's the weeks leading up to schools starting and I register students for school. Been buried in work.

6075727

6075551
Past the one comment that you guys made on my remade chapter I haven't had anything to do with it and with farm job on the rise I've been not doing much in my writing anyway. We'd best complete this a bit fast otherwise I'm going to be missing for the exams in September and I won't be having much time to do stuff.

6076506
I left two comments, and I'm not sure how what other suggestions I can add. The way the pride lesson doesn't work for this specific person very well, and removing some of the hoops she needs to go through to get the Amulet at the very beginning and at the very end might help focus the thing.

6075551
I missed you.

6078805
If you didn't notice I've rewritten it. It starts from page 11.

6079265
That's what I left comments on.

6075551
Welp, hopefully I can get my third draft done by the time you come back.

6078805 I don't follow can you get a bit more specific?

Welcome back! Blargh, life so busy

6080662
As I said in my comment in the story itself, the moral "Take pride in your accomplishments and don't settle" doesn't work for this character because those things are holding her back. She ends the story feeling like she's taken a step backwards instead of a step forwards. If you were to give that lesson to someone who has trouble acknowledging their own accomplishments, like Fluttershy, it would work better.

6080786 I think we've talked about this with Clever. She doesn't have to learn. The story doesn't have to have an out. In fact it could be just something to punctuate her stubborness/hollow pride.

I still feel like you're talking about pre-rewrite but ok.

Again as I've said before if this doesn't work I'll have to either write a new one about a different subject or scrap this all together and go.