Hello!

It's the Nugget here and I guess I am really just not the type to do reviews that often, but I decided to change that! So never fear!

Lets see...

* grabs a fic from the bin *

Alright, let's see what it is-

Music In the Night by The Bricklayer

It's that time of year again for Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia, the time to celebrate their anniversary. And after remembering a visit to a karaoke contest in Ponyville, Twilight gets the most absolutely perfect idea on how to do it...

It's a ship fic, guys. Great… Personally, I'm not really a fan of this type of story due to the fact of how easy it is to write it. I mean the formula is extremely simple:

1. Pick two characters that you like - In this Case: Celestia X Twilight

2. Put them into a romantic situation - Karaoke

3. Profet the views

As for the synopsis, it seems to be very predictable with what is actually going to happen within the story (and I haven't began reading it at this point!). Twilight takes Celestia out on an anniversary date to a karaoke bar and they have some good times and talk. That should be it, I assume. To which, the only saving grace with this story is if it actually goes against the typical grain and puts a spin to the shipping drama. What if something goes wrong during the date? What if Celestia or Twilight forget something about their... marriage? I don't know, but I hope something like that happens. PLEASE SAVE ME STORY!!!

MLP: FIM and it's characters are not mine, they're property of Hasbro and Lauren Faust, and I don't intend to make any money off of them. Music and lyrics used belong to their respective owners. Story partially inspired by the cover art and inspired partially by Nordyrd's fic The Magic Inside.

Pro tip: You don't have to put that type of disclaimer here since you are already protected under the basic law that you aren't making money off of Hasbro's property. So, there is no need to write that!

Anyways, into the story we go.

-----

And I had to stop...

* Editor Mode - Engaged *

1. I couldn't get more than two seconds in before the wall of text hit me like a freight train! Ouch! Ok… Here is what I have to say. Just like in most jobs / professional work, presentation is always key. In this case, please break-up your walls into formidable paragraphs that focus upon a single, specific subject at a time. That way, your readers are capable of staying on the spot of where they are reading without their minds accidentally wandering off and losing track of where they were. It's a common courtesy, and a completely necessary aspect in grammar so people like me and readers could understand and follow what you are typing.

2. What is with the capitalization? I can literally pick through this story and tell you word-for-word which words don't need the proper capitalization. Things such as "Rulers of Equestria," "ruler" doesn't need it since you are stating their position within Equestria. It's not a title. "Magic Kindergarten" doesn't need it since... oh wait. Wrong one... erm... "Friendship" or "Friendship Problem" doesn't need it. They're simple nouns that don't state a title. You can leave the capitalization out of those words and it will still be fine.

3. Starting a sentence with the word "And." For the love of all things Celestia, please... please just don't do that.

4. Everything else wrong with this story's grammar. To sum up my words as loud as I can: GET AN EDITOR!!! A GOOD EDITOR THAT KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING! There are plenty of good people on this site that are very willing to help. They can make the story a lot better than what it is in it's current state. Hell, I currently work with about three right now.

* Disengages Editor Mode *

Ok, ok, ok... How is the story, tho?

It's not that bad, but leaning into what I stated earlier about the plot being predictable. To which, that is a major drawback on the story. It does a good job with building up the characters to a somewhat believable level of truth about why they fell in love in the first place (from both sides I might add). The build-up to that moment was at the pace it needed to be. It also offered some good ideas such as the development from the sorta mother-daughter to marefriends (to which it sounds a bit more creepy than romantic... I might have changed that approach).

But where it falls flat is the conflict. The real conflict of this story was the fact that Twilight couldn't think of a place to take her marefriend out for their anniversary. That is it... and honestly, I wouldn't have ran with that idea, myself. In the story, it just came in too late and once Twilight solved the problem, the story was just done after that. No real hook to just stay around and enjoy the wonderful antics of Twilight singing her heart out (Which it was a good type of sappy... if I might add).

So yeah, that is really my biggest critic on this story. Otherwise, the detailed setting, characterization (no OOC moments), plot, and drama where good and had potential, but fell a bit short on the execution and grammar. An editor would help it out, while the writer just have to understand that the conflict of the story is meant to carry it until the very end. To which, for a 1800+ word story, the conflict should had started almost immediately and be wrapping up around the 1600 to 1700 word mark. Not the sorta 1000 word mark.

Anyways, the final score?

Music In the Night: 32/100
TL;DR: The characters and details are within check, but the grammar and poor story structure ultimately dragged the story into the ground. It needs work, but shows potential.

That is all I really have to say about it. If it seems a bit harsh, please let me know. Thank you!

5784204 No, not harsh at all. I like the cold, honest truth from someone, as long as they're not a dick about it. (Which you weren't in my opinion, so don't worry.) Hell, I'd be happy if you reviewed my other stories. Although, if you review the Return of Doctor Whooves, just skip past the first chapter, as it's essentially a Supernatural style recap of the previous story in the series.