So ever since late-August and early-September of 2014, I've been struggling with depression. Just having bad thoughts about myself and thinking no one gives a damn about me have been thoughts that have run through my head ever since. I tried to push it aside the best I could (and I seemed to be doing a good job for a while) with having a lunch period with all of my friends and a girlfriend. I seemed to be doing a bit better.

You probably know where this is headed don't you?

When October hit, everything just seemed to go downhill really fucking fast. First, my girlfriend broke up with me (I was insanely hurt about it, but I later found out why and it's understandable.) Then, two of my friends got into a fight (not physically) and my ex-friend (I'll get to that in a little bit) assumed I would join her side because I had known her the longest. Well, I knew the other friend pretty well and I wanted to stay her friend. My ex-friend then called me fake and a traitor. I was hurt even more so after that, to the point where I basically wept in fourth period. My friend then came and comforted me for what seemed like forever. She gave me advice saying that this situation was theirs and theirs alone (kindly, not rudely.) She didn't care if I remained friends with my ex-friend and told me to make up with her. I did after school, while crying madly in front of her and a few other people (including my mother.)

While I did stay out of the conflict, I struggled with some inner demons that were aiming to make myself miserable and want to kill myself. I had those thoughts A LOT in Junior year. I just remember one day, I just like absolute shit and wanted to die. I only told one person that I wanted to do it, my friend (we'll call her A) and she got very concerned and started messaging me trying to calm me down. It did, in a way, but I still felt sad on the inside. After a while, I decided to put these demons away and told myself to not give in to them. So I made a personal goal; to have as many positive days as I can. I seemed to be doing a good job at it too.....until a few days in November broke the streak for a while.

My ex-friend called me out (in front of a lot of students too) that I only cared for myself and no one else because one of my friends was going through a tiny sad stage (high school fucking sucks. I think we've established that already.) I told her that, I do care for my friends, but I can't always be there. Sometimes, you got to look out for yourself, but not always. She obviously took it the wrong way. However, we talked it out again, but that was a second strike to her (if someone does something that hurts me in one way or another, they get a strike and if they get three, we're no longer friends.)

Throughout the winter months, everything seemed to have calmed down a bit and I was very pleased about that. Until I met someone. We're going to call her Y and she was a freshman at my school. She seemed pretty cool at first but later I found out just what kind of person she really was. She lied about being in the hospital and claimed that "she wouldn't be in school on Monday" but showed up anyway, making me rather angry and gave her strike one. The next strike for her came late one night, she claimed that she was going to kill herself and refused to answer anyone. I was freaking out thinking she was actually going to do it, but she showed up to school the next day, pissing me off even more. Strike two.

Then we get to strike three no just for Y, but for my ex-friend as well.

Now a little bit of info about my ex-friend before we dive into it. She is know for calling out people out on instagram, starting shit and drama and then saying that she doesn't want to start anything or be involved in any drama. I sense a ton of hypocrisy here. Also at this point she was starting to do anything to get A in trouble such as; writing false things about her on the bathroom stalls and claiming that A was the one who wrote them. Later it was proven that she was the one who actually did it and got suspended for a few days because of it.

Also, I had a little bit of a crush on Y at this point in time (looking back, I want to slap myself with a sledgehammer for it.)

So one day in April, after school, me, my ex-friend, Y and a couple other friends hung out and I couldn't help but hug Y a lot. She didn't seem to mind it, or so I thought. The next day at lunch, I decided to pay a visit to her and a few of her friends and Y refused to talk to me or look at me. I was very confused and wondered why she did that. Oh I got my answer, over Kik. Not to my face, over Kik. She said that she was "embarrassed to be around you and I'm embarrassed to be around you." That's just low, why couldn't she have said it to me in person? I mean, yeah it hurt, but it would hurt less if she told me in person.

That put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. After school, I decided to hang out with A. Before that, my ex-friend wondered why I was so upset so I told her that I'd tell her later on skype. So A asked what was wrong and I told her and she felt sorry for me and talked me into being happy again. It worked, until my ex-friend messaged me. I wanted to tell her about what happened with Y, but I decided to tell her that I wasn't happy with her attitude towards other people she didn't like. She then proceeded to call em out and call me a fake and a liar, however that was not the third strike for either one of them. That came the next day. I was having a great day too. I had gotten five albums that day (Avenged Sevenfold's self-titled album, Slipknot's Iowa and Korn's self-titled album, Life is Peachy and Issues) and was just feeling positive the whole day through.....until I got messaged on Kik by Y. She called me "fake as fuck" and when I asked why, she pulled me into a conversation with my ex-friend. Oh great. It went from calling me out for shit I never did to insulting my family and being the worst human being ever.

With that, they both got their third strikes.

For the rest of the night, I felt like absolute garbage, something I hadn't felt since October. I wanted to kill myself again, but my mother came and talked to me and calmed me down. However, it did end in tears, lots of them. I felt betrayed and hurt. My parents decided they needed to help me in anyway possible, so my dad decided to take me out for a father and son day out. It helped a little bit, but I was still hurt.

When I returned to school the following Monday, all my friends knew something had happened to me over the weekend because I was pretty much silent throughout my first three periods. I was able to tell them later and they were shocked at what happened. Some of my friends already had a grudge against my ex-friend (which is understandable now) and some were or still are friends with her (I question them a little but I can't stop them.) I decided to try and avoid them for the rest of the year.

That was easier said than done.

For the next two weeks, I got bombarded with messages from them which included death threats and verbal abuse against me, my friends and my family. Some of the messages even included threats to kick my ass if I ever "looked at them again." Who made them the queens of everything? My "favorite" was when my ex-friend sent an essay length rant (I put into microsoft word and it was long enough to qualify as one) towards me saying that none of my friends cared about me and that they don't even like me. Also including that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have the friends I have now.

Actually I found them on my own so, no.

A few weeks went by without any message from them, then in early May, things happened again. Now I have this tendency to look around for no reason, it's just something I've had since I was a kid. So I was heading to my math teacher for some help on some homework and I decide to look around and then I accidentally lock eyes with my ex-friend and I quickly turned away. Not two seconds later, she shouts "IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, COME SAY IT TO MY FUCKING FACE!" I didn't turn back and give her a response, I just walked away, pretty ticked. Then two days later, we met again. I was hanging with a few of my friends after school under a tree near a gas station and a few fast food joints, and I looked around again and accidentally locked eyes with her again. I turned away, but she then shouted something at me and made her way over to me. Then proceeded to yell at me in front of my friends (some of which are her friends too) and stunned everybody. I refused to look at her and she left me be. However, she then talked to a few other people and I could hear her say, "If he goes crying to his bitch-ass mommy, I'm gonna whoop his ass." I decided enough was enough and I told an administrator about it. They handled it for a while. Then my ex-friend later that month decided to try and talk to me asking for forgiveness. We talked for a bit and came to an agreement; I'll forgive you, but that doesn't mean we're friends again.

That didn't last about two weeks.

A few weeks into the summer, I was just watching stuff on youtube in my room when I got a text from one of my friends asking me to come outside. I look out and there were a few of my friends inf another friend scar, and Y and my ex-friend were in the car as well. I was REALLY confused because my ex-friend acted like we were friends again. That got me creeped out. I then posted on instagram that I would forgive someone for something, but that doesn't mean we'd be friends again. That was the deal and she agreed to it. A little later, Y responded by calling me two-faced and the one who kept the grudge going for so long, all of which were wrong.

Months passed without getting anything from them, but my internal depression started hitting me hard again. I just suddenly started feeling like trash for no reason and for the last few weeks of summer, I felt like one of the worst people in the world.

However, I decided to put those demons aside again to focus on Senior year (which I'm still in at the moment) and ready to end the year on a high note. The beginning was a tad rocky but them my ex-friend struck again. This time, verbally attacking my friends, calling them failed abortions and calling one their mom's a stripper who left her husband. She got caught but no punishment (what the fuck?)

Months passed until the next encounter. In early February of this year, I was hanging with some friends before school and my ex-friend came walking by coughing. I thought she had come down with a cold so I dismissed it.....until she cough spoke "faggot" to me as she walked by me. Which is interesting because she's bisexual. I was the only one out of my friends to hear but I kept my mouth shut because it'd draw unnecessary attention to me. That night I was getting ready to go to bed when I got a message from her boyfriend (who's like 6 years older than she is) calling me a "nigger faggot." I started to chuckle because it's pathetic that she tried start something by not only saying what she had said earlier that day, but sending her boyfriend to harass me as well. The next day, my tendency to look around struck again and I locked eyes with her...again. I quickly looked away, but I saw her give me the finger as she passed by. I was baffled that she was really trying to get something out of me, but I pushed it aside for now. The next day, her boyfriend struck again. This time, on my instagram page telling em to kill myself, do meth, I'm worthless and I'm a "pussified faggot" on a few of my pictures. At first I didn't really care, later however, I broke down. I was just so confused why she would do this and bring her boyfriend, who has absolutely nothing to do with this, into this.

I'm just surprised that she's still trying to get some sort of reaction out of me trying to embarrass myself in front of people or my friends, but I haven't done it. I may be weak in some circumstances, but I can hold in my emotions for as long as I need to. It's been about two months since that encounter and I'm ready for whatever she may throw at me. Because of these events that have occurred, I've become a bit more of a stronger person and more mature when it comes to these situations.

Sorry if this is really long, I've just had this on my mind for a long ass time now and I just wanted to vent.

Ummm... I really don't know what to say. I am so sorry. If you can, maybe get a restraining order. I dunno.. I'm thirteen. But it's good that you let it out. Just... Don't consider suicide. The amount of pain for others would be unbearable. And block them on Kik and other shit. I dunno what else to say other than good luck...

5123242

I don't contemplate suicide anymore. I used to though.

I might do a restraining order, but who knows? I also gave up Kik because of that and I've blocked them pretty much everywhere.

5123514 The best thing to do in a situation is avoid being in the same room as her, along with blocking them on everything. If they start doing things in person (I'm going to assume you are 18 or close to it) that teachers won't always be around. If they start giving you a problem in person and it gets extremely bad(especially with death threats) you need to go to the police about something like that. They can call you a snitch or whatever, but they are (assuming) just as old as you are which means they know the consequences of their actions. Past a certain age, bullying becomes harassment, and harassment is illegal. Death threats are as well. Stay away from them and don't do anything they could use against you (i.e., sending nudes or calling people out). I've learned that if you just let it go, they will get what's coming to them (my ex-step-mother was abusive and now she has an abusive husband, 3 std's/sti's, two types of cancer, and anorexia) (Karma over kill much?)

Do not bottle up your emotions. Find someone, anyone who will listen, and tell them. That's what this group is here for. Also, you may want to only do this to someone you trust undoubtedly or someone you don't know in person. Almost everyone on here has bottled up their emotions and that is extremely bad. Stay social, hang with friends, go to the movies or whatever you can. Humans are social creatures and being social is vital to emotional and mental health. But most of all stay strong and think positive. Just doing that get's a lot of people through their entire life happily.

I hope this helped and if you need help or suggestions with anything, PM me and let me know.

5123910

I am 18 years old, yes.

I do have a friend who's dad is a cop so if something like that does happen again, I'll notify him about it.

I know not to bottle up my emotions. I also talk to a lot of my friends about this sometimes, they do tell me to let it go, but sometimes, it really hard to do it. I'm just lucky to have met the people I'm proud to call my best friends who will back me up in any situation. I'm always hanging out with them and having a good time while doing so.

I'll PM you if I ever need anything, thanks for that

5124126 It's what we are here for and it sounds like you are doing better and good friends that have your back all the time are great!