I feel at ease... but not at peace.

It's a solemn emptiness that needs to be quelled by a metaphorical cigarette.

4449244 I think I know what you're referring to. Nothing is amiss, yet, there is no contentment, right?

4449487
exactly

though, this is a more in depth description of my current feelings

4449489 One way to face it is just to live through it. There's no rule that says everyone should be happy all of the time. It's okay to suffer.

4449496
i suppose so

I somewhat know how you're feeling. I've never really felt like I've disappointed everybody, but I have felt like an afterthought almost. Often times, I feel like my life has been in a rut, and it makes me feel terrible. I do the same thing day after day after day and it can really tear me apart sometimes. Even though nothing's going on in my life that's terrible, it's still depressing. At peace but not at ease as you put it. I've felt similarly to how you've described it in the past. Right now, I'm not feeling this rut feeling, I'm actually going through a different terrible experience in my life, but I do kind of know how you feel. Sometimes you just gotta live through it, and as Ringo Starr put it, "Get by with a little help from my friends."