I apologize if I sound like Treehugger after eating a full pan of her "specially made brownies"... but,

I feel like a soundwave... or a struggling heart rate on a heart monitor.

I find myself with these strange boosts of enthusiasm, with some great form of confidence, that I can take on the world and nothing can stop me. But then I crash as if I were merely on some sugar high, feeling like I haven't accomplished anything, that I've failed everyone I know, despite past successes or blessings as they feel undeserved from shit I've done.

Worst part is, people hold those against me like some dog owner rubbing it's dog nose in the pile of shit it just laid out in the carpet. I feel like the success I've left fucked to death in the dust is only there to laugh at me and aim higher only for the same thing to happen because it's picking with my impatient dissatisfaction.

That's where the frustration starts. Long periods of staring blankly at the pouring water raining down on me in the shower. Music not having an affect on me at all. Time slowing down and coming at the door to remind me of priority after priority after priority. My disinterest with life and the internet alike. I've tried getting away, but the feeling lingers on like some noose on the ceiling calling my name.

I find refuge in eating, then in burning all the energy I get by straining myself doing shit for people and for my family. I try to visit as many friends as I can in my new free time, hell, I've even applied for a job. I got my writing drive back. But...

Now all of that feels like it's gone. And that's when my rate flatlines, when my frequency is at its lowest.

Hormones, teen angst, all that bullshit are easy answers... but shit, if I've realized that already, don't you think I wouldn't be having that problem?

Either way, I thought it'd be dumb of me to hold all this in and not come here to see what others thought of it at least. That way I could have at least some sort of closure.

I'm not a psychiatrist, but bipolar or manic-depressive maybe? I dunno. :(

4449649
i draw a lot

and i occasionally play simple things on the piano, if i can find one to play on

4449290 Oh my God. Hug?

I'd suggest not dwelling on, or even thinking of, what you did wrong, at least until you have more confidence. And always remember, you're an awesome person with a beautiful heart no matter what.

4449968
I'll just hang on to this feeling and investigate its source.

I won't let it consume me, but I will seek to purify it.

4449973 That plan makes sense. In order to help you do that you'll need a really close friends that lives you and can listen to all your emotions I think. Or at least, for me, that would make the process easier.

4449290

I apologize if I sound like Treehugger after eating a full pan of her "specially made brownies"... but,

You just apologized for sounding like me.

Actually, someone who eats a full pan of edibles is probably going to do a lot of snoring.

In any case, I saw this yesterday, but I was holding out for more informed opinions. While we've all experienced our 'ups and downs' and I know what's like to go from feeling like you're at the top of the world, to feeling like shit, the way you describe this sounds a bit more serious. It sounds like bipolar disorder, but I'm no doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist, and really only know what everyone else knows about it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

If this is seriously disrupting your daily life, then it might be time to talk to a professional.

4450264
Well, shit...

It runs in the family too.

But, with me being the only boy, I guess it shows itself in a different manner?

4450386

But, with me being the only boy, I guess it shows itself in a different manner?But, with me being the only boy, I guess it shows itself in a different manner?

How so? What about them is different?

And yeah, stuff like this tends to run in the family. Same with clinical depression.

4450397
The girls are more open with it. More violent than I.

I have art, and the internet, so my feelings are most channeled through here.

4450402

Biology in general is never really simple. Two people with the same disorder aren't going to necessarily display all the same traits.

4451155
I see your point...