Hello, everyone. I just wanted to let you know that as an FBI agent, it is partially my duty to review stories.

So, to kickstart my career on this story, I shall be tackling something known as We Are What We Are, by Theigi

Now, I just want to make some things clear. This story is incomplete, but I have a theory that he's almost done with it. Also, it revolves around his or her origin story for The Dazzlings.

But enough talk, I must go!

Awesome! Also, I'm a she. : )

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4236326 FBI Officer's Log: Shadowmane PX-41, Currently reviewing: We Are What We Are

Update: Day 1

At first, I thought the premise was going to be a rather unique one, as it started with a scene with Adagio and Aria and pegasi instead of Hippocampi. However, when I read on long enough, the illusion was shattered when we cut to Adagio's daily routine. Though there was one hidden rule there, the was no discernible time jump, meaning that it seemed like it could have all happened on the same day. I'd also noticed with the help of fellow commenter, Rahkshi500, that she'd made Aria's skin pink instead of fuchsia. Maybe she couldn't tell the two apart? Either way, there were some small typos here and there, but other than that, it seemed like a bit of a pain to read, especially since the first part was entirely in italic, and that there was no discernible time jump. Either way, I read on, with cautious optimism. Hopefully the rest of the story isn't as rough around the edges...

-Shadowmane PX-41

19 out of 22 of my voting readers didn't find my fic "confusing" or a "pain to read". This "review" is rather disheartening considering that I came here looking for honest review of my storytelling, and the best that you can do is half-ass it by going through only one chapter, and then claiming that my story doesn't make sense (when it is clearly just getting started and incomplete, and you clearly only got through one chapter), and talk about a bunch of punctuation marks that you don't even know the name of (they are commas, not apostrophes. There's a difference). Perhaps you and the majority of my fic's faving readers should get together so that all of them can explain to you whatever mysterious thing it is that you seem to keep getting confused by. Perhaps you're confused because you don't actually want to read my fic, in which case, just let someone else do it. If you're going to handle works of other people's creativity so carelessly, and if no one else wants to review it properly, then just drop my fic altogether. Geez. I came here to hear thoughts on my overall storytelling. Not to look at someone obsess over the color I used for one character's skin, and talk about "apostrophes" that don't even exist in the story where you're saying they are.

Plenty of my readers (which, isn't alot since I just got here) say they are clear on what's going on thus far. Perhaps it is you who is having the problem.

4268136 I'm sorry, but there's no definite proof that The Dazzlings were seen as ponies in Equestria. All of the records state that they were Hippocampi during their time.

4268182 See... this is the crap I'm talking about. My story is what... SIX chapters in, and I made it clear that it's probably not going to be any less than 15. NONE of those characters' flashbacks or past stories have been completed, as yet. However, instead of just going along for the ride to see what actually happens, you start jumping to all of these random conclusions. If you don't want to read the story or stick around to see what happens then don't. If you're going to read a single chapter, and then just make an assumption about the entire fic then just don't bother with this review. You say things like you're eagerly awaiting to read the following chapter, and yet, the two chapters that you have barely managed to drag yourself through ended in your opinions that assume to know where I'm going with this.

I know that the sirens were Hippocampi. Clearly, it's an obvious feature to anyone who has seen 'RR'. Perhaps I've *gasp* idunno, written the beginning of their origin stories like that on purpose or something. Perhaps the way their lives play out is a surprise in my fic. Have you ever thought about considering that maybe I've actually put alot of thought into the sequence of events in my fic?

You seem so eager to mention these silly reasons as to why my fic is somehow bad, that now you're making me feel forced to reveal surprise elements of my story that I haven't even written yet... for you, someone who sounds like they don't even want to read it. Quite frankly, I'm not going to ruin the surprises in my story for the readers that are enjoying my fic, just so that you can be sure that I know that the sirens were hippocampi. Be reassured, I know that. And I'm not stupid. I'm writing their backstories like this on purpose.

Huh. Looks like I actually do have to moderate here.

4268182 You need to explain why it's a pain to read. Confusing 'fuchsia' and 'pink' is not, in my opinion, a reasonable basis for annoyance, neither is this whole hippocampi/pony deal. These typos you've glanced over are relevant, so include examples. If the time jump annoys you, show us how it works and what was done wrong. It's not surprising people are going to be frustrated with you if you don't or can't explain what's wrong.

4268200 If you came here looking for a strictly positive review, you should probably have gone to one of the people who favourited your story instead. Here, reviewers are going to be reading stories they wouldn't otherwise read, and you need to get over the fact that not everyone is going to like your story, nor are they forced to just because they're reviewing your stuff. I agree that this review could have gone into more detail, and is flawed in many respects, but you did ask for a review, and it's unreasonable to say that if a reviewer doesn't like it, he shouldn't review it. Opinions go both ways.

To sum up, the next comment I see had better be either an amended review with more explanations, or Black Ultron providing an amusing animated meme. I don't care to see this thread deteriorate further, and by the power invested in me by the great comment-deleting-scepter-of-adminship, I won't let it.

Pretend you're british, and remain civil. If you are british, please conform to stereotypes (like myself) and have a cup of tea.

4268200 I'm not making assumptions. I never make any assumptions. I know that many different origins stories are different than what I expect them to be, for example, King Sombra was once left with amnesia of what he truly was, and only reclaimed his power and enslaved the empire when a powerful crystal reminded him of his true self.

I'm not bashing on this fic in anyway, and I'm actually looking forward to where you go with the rest of it. But as a reviewer in the FBI, I have to maintain a solid reviewing ground, otherwise, I might not do any reviews at all. Don't think for a second that I think that this story is bad, I think that it's a unique little story. When people get taken aback by people pointing out flaws in their story, it's very easy for them to lose control and begin spewing out angry comments and whatnot. I learned that the hard way with Pegasisterforever's Rainbow Rocks copy-and-paste story where she replaced The Dazzlings for Dashie, Rarity and Pinkie. I'm not trying to provoke any rage, I'm just saying that people sometimes get angry when people find flaws in their work. That's all...

4268244 I think that it's a pain to read merely because it's contradictory to what we already know. Similar to how Elf Bowling: The Movie was a pain to watch because Santa was a pirate instead of just being Santa Claus.

When you write something that's contradictory to what's seen in canon, then things can get derailed relatively quickly. When writing a back-story, you want to keep things as consistent as possible. And if they weren't always Hippocampi to begin with, then you need to give some explanation as to how they became Hippocampi, so that the story becomes much clearer. Unless the character is original, then there's no problem with whatever back-story you create. But if they are characters that you see in canon, then you need to make sure that their origins aren't contradictory to the canon itself. That being said, Theigi is staying true to the fact that Aria's singing has caused some dispute, so that's one redeeming factor about it.

But I personally don't think that contradictory back-stories are a good thing, whether it be canon or fanfiction. If you can create a back-story that's as closely tied into canon as possible, then your back-story becomes somewhat believable. If not, then your lore can slowly degrade to the point where it becomes unmanageable.

4268244 You asked for one now you will get one.

Behold!

4268244 I can be civil. That isn't an issue for me, and I've already gone into longer detail about what I do and don't accept as a valid review of my story. I've already mentioned (not here), that I receive critique on my creative work for a living, and that there is always something useful and good in critiquing regardless of whether it is from a critic who tends to lean on positive encouragement, or a critic who tends to be, well, more critical. To be quite honest, I prefer more critical and non-sugarcoating critics because they won't lie to you, and are prone to clarify things that you yourself may have found questionable but were unsure about. I appreciate a good critique.

You are assuming when you say that I was looking for happy, fun times, fic loving. I'm asking for nothing of the sort. What I am asking for is more effort in the critique. Nothing more, nothing less. I've already explained (on the fic itself) that my pre-ending adverb comma usage can get kind of crazy, and that I agree with the punctuation of J.R. and the general shoddy pace of the first chapter. I'm not adverse to admitting and viewing things I do get wrong. That is why I'm here. However, there has been much in these critiques to lend to the notion that this person simply doesn't want anything to do with this story, and if that's the case, why add detriment and injury to a story and author you won't apply yourself to? Is that not a valid concern?

Like I said before, I never whole-heartedly disagreed with everything that was said, and I'm not looking for shiny gold stars. I never was. I'm looking for a review of my storytelling, and actual critiques on what it is that makes it difficult to read which, according to most of the people who have read my story, doesn't seem to be much. I didn't get any of that. Delete this if you want. I am not trying to devolve this post. I am trying to make clear something that I believe is very important, which is quality and care of critique. That is all.

4268257 Here is the thing, though: The story isn't finished. In fact, it has barely begun. Therefore, how could you know whether it is going to be canon or not? In 'RR', we were given a brief glimpse into the origin of the sirens... Literally like 20 seconds, if that. Is it not my license as a creative writing a story to expand on what we do know and what is canon?

4268273 Well, that part is true. There's little to no lore on the sirens to begin with. Literally all the movie tells you is: "They spread disharmony, they feast off of it, they were banished, fuck lore." Which is why I wasn't very impressed with the lore in RR. However, to truly make your lore tie into what happens in the movie, then there's gotta be at least one scene later on where The Dazzlings are Hippocampi, sowing the seeds of hatred into the hearts of the ponies.

I addressed this issue in my Siren Song trilogy (Which everyone loved the lore on) and made feasible lore that tied in well with the canon, and also included a Hippocampi sequence. There's no errors for making lore, just as long as there's at least one moment from the brief lore we get in the movie. With that being said, I'm looking forward to the rest of your story, to see how each of The Dazzlings' stories develop...

4268257 That's a valid explanation in my book. Whether people agree with it or not is not my problem: it's clear and makes more sense than before.

4268262 Never change.

4268265 It's not an ultron meme or an amended review, but since it came after both of those I'm inclined to not mind.

A lot of people are going to be here in order to lend their opinions. In the Goodfic Bin, I'm expected to read and review stories I may not like. Heck, I've even had to expose myself to SoarinDash (shudder) in the line of what I volunteer to do. Sometimes these opinions are going to be offered on things that they may not like the look of. But that's perfectly acceptable. What's not acceptable is a flawed review: that's what I'm also here to correct.

Frankly, I don't mind why you're here: getting a review for publicity and ego are perfectly fine in my book, within reason. But by putting your work here, it's going to be (hopefully) reviewed by someone, and whatever their feelings are on the story, they're allowed to present that opinion too (so long as it's neither flawed nor directly insulting the author).

4268286 Fair.

4268285 ... There doesn't "need" to be anything to make a story a certain way when it is just beginning. We've barely gotten past "Once upon a time," and you're basically already wondering where the fireworks are. I don't know what else to say other than... wait for it? Patience? Give me a chance to actually get there? I am not going to write like you write. In my fic, the sirens' backstories are a slow reveal. Some people like that. You, obviously, don't. That doesn't mean it's somehow "wrong". Anyway, I think we've both said what we needed to say and whatnot. Do as you please, but to be quite honest, my faith in the future of this review has been tarnished.