Name of story: Apples don't fall far from the tree
Genre*: Sad Adventure
Wordcount (total): 44,805
Grammar: 9/10
-Little to no mistakes with a very easy to read flow.
Characterization: 8/10
-Aside from a couple places where the characterisation makes one scratch the head a bit the ponies act very true to themselves. Even when things do take a bit of a left turn things either very quickly get back on track or is quickly sorted out in a well written manner.
Use of show canon: 9/10
-Aside from including references to a couple (very well done and interesting) adventures that never happened in the show, the writer makes very use of the show’s cannon and weaves it with a touch of his/her own head cannon in a very emotional and heart touching way.
Plot consistency: 10/10
-Quiet good, no continuity snarls here.
Use of OCs: 7/10
-Even though there is only one original character and it is seldom on screen at all, and even though it’s identity is very easy to extrapolate for the readers, its dialogue is competently written. However it is marked down due the teeth gratingly hard time it takes for our protagonist to uncover its identity.
Coherence: 8/10
-This story flows exceptionally well and is outstanding in its use of character driven story telling. It does fall flat a couple times, notably when trying to make certain characters act in ways that don’t totally make sense but it never pushes it too far and corrects itself shortly after.
Total score: 51/60
Final thoughts: A very touching and at moments a heart wrenching story about believing in your friends even when you don’t believe in yourself and never giving up not matter what. An example of very well written character driven story written with obvious love and care, a must read to fill that hole you never knew you had.

3627538 Alright, that makes our second approval. I moved it to the accepted thread when I saw this. Nice review, by the way.

3627699 Cheers, the spread sheet made it really easy.

3627538

A very touching and at moments a heart wrenching story about believing in your friends even when you don’t believe in yourself and never giving up not matter what. An example of very well written character driven story written with obvious love and care, a must read to fill that hole you never knew you had.

This made me very happy. I'm glad you enjoyed this story so much.

I am curious, however, to know when you feel the characters act against their nature. I don't expect you to walk through the story or anything, but can you give me a scene that really bothered you? I go really deep into these characters and I tend to have a different interpretation of them than most, especially A.J. and Fluttershy, so I'd really like to hear your feedback on this topic.

Thanks for the great review!

3633720 Mostly it was how annoyed Big Mac got when being questioned by Rarity and how Twilight didn't think to ask the guard for some help with the search. There were a couple of smaller things that jumped out at me but as I said in the review you fixed them or gave a good reason behind it for them.

Though the guard thing did have me scratching my head, I can understand not calling them after one day, and I can put aside by disbelief for the second day. Maybe a mention from Twilight during the Zap apple harvest about how if they don't find AJ soon then she'd have to ask for help from the Princess, something small would have been fine. It's mostly to acknowledge that AJ's disappearance would've had a bigger impact on not just her town but on Equestria as a whole.

3633838

Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

Big Mac always seems to get annoyed when questioned on his methods, and I'm sure with his sister missing and his youngest sister distraught, he would be more touchy than usual.

As for the guards and asking the princess for help, how often do we ask ourselves that during the show? I didn't really want to bring Twilight into it because it would take the focus away from the story, and they have a whole team of Pegasi, organized by Twilight, searching for A.J. the entire story. I mean, the FBI isn't called in every time someone goes missing.

As for the whole how her disappearance would impact Equestria as a whole, I'd have to admit that I never even thought of that, but again, I wouldn't want to draw focus from the actual story. I almost didn't add the part with Rainbow and Fluttershy in the Carousel Boutique for the same reason, but I really wanted to show the reader how the other 5 were coping.

Anyway, thanks again for responding. I love when people point things like this out. This is the kind of stuff I take into consideration when I write the next story. Happy reading/reviewing!

3633941 Hey no prob.
Let me respond to few of your points though:
-Yeah the guards would have overshadowed the story and I understand why you wouldn't want them to make an appearance. But a mention would have been acceptable, as I said have Twilight remark that if Applejack isn't found soon the she'd have to call the guard to help them expand the search. This way they are acknowledge but don't actually come into the story proper.

-Also in reply to your point that the FBI are called in on every missing persons case, yeah they aren't. But they sure as hell would be on alert if a senator or the VP went missing. Remember that the Mane6 aren't regular Joe citizens, they are important not only vital to National security but connected on a personal level with the ruling body of the whole damn nation. The last thing they are is an everyday citizen.

3633962

Remember that the Mane6 aren't regular Joe citizens, they are important not only vital to National security but connected on a personal level with the ruling body of the whole damn nation. The last thing they are is an everyday citizen.

And that is what drives me nuts in the show. Especially Sweet and Elite. Everyone seems to forget how important they are when it is convenient for the plot of the episode. But yeah, I see your point. The only problem I have with mentioning the guards is that A.J. is gone for, I think like 5 days, so almost a week. It seems inconceivable that Twilight would mention them but not call on them within that timeframe, so it would seem unbelievable that they don't show up.

The news A.J. brings back has a huge impact on Equestria, as will be displayed as my series continues, and just how important they are to Equestria's defense will become apparent as things escalate. So I was thinking along your line of thought, but for later stories... Seriously, this conversation is really going to help me in later stories.

3633962 3634257 that's a huge point I am working on in my own story. With the mane six being so famous I plan to handle things like sweet and elite very similarly but with some of the nobles snubbing Rarity's presence at furst because they think she is using her status with Celestia and Dusk Shine to lord over them when all she really wanted to do was spend time in the company of the nobles she has always admired from a distance through gossip mags and newspapers.

Otherwise great review and touching story. Keep up the good work.