A Friend in Need, by SaberKing2012

This story was short and sweet, a little tidbit about how EqG Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash meet.

Let's jump right in, shall we?

When your only friends are animals, you don't know how to deal with someone helping you. Cold and scared, how will she reply to a gesture?

Off the bat, this description is okay. It's really short, but so is the story, so it works. My only qualm is

how will she reply

I think that should be "Fluttershy". It's implied that you're referring to her, but it flows better and makes more sense to word it like that.

Moving into the story.

The first thing I notice is the lack of indentation. Not a huge problem; there's a button in the FiMFic chapter editor, to automatically indent.

"Hey, you know there's a storm coming." A teacher said, warning me. "You shouldn't go out."

The start is a little abrupt. Instead of starting it off with dialogue, you could try to make a scene-setting, descriptive paragraph, such as

I knew I should have listened.

The dark clouds formed overhead, as the first drops of rain descended from the angry skies. The teachers told me not to go, but I wanted to see my animal friends...

And so on.

Something like that sets the scene and the mood a little smoother, but that's just my suggestion. Take it how you will.

The other thing, is you have a few places where I think you could stand to break paragraphs down further, such as this one.

The storm didn't show any signs of giving up; the water still came down hard on me. Every few seconds, thunder would roar above my head; I didn't dare look up and kept on running. At some point I reached on what some might call a clearing, but I didn't know where I was. The ground was covered in mud and water; making puddles in every step I take. Fortunately, I found somewhere to stay for a while before the rain lets up. Unfortunately, it happened to be a small cardboard box that could only cover my head. Not taking any chances, I ran to it and overed myself with what little there was; the interior was dry at least. I then heard a loud crack of thunder; followed by kids screaming in a distance. Hugging my knees close to me, I shivered inside; trying to keep myself warm as the wind blew a little stronger, the rain got thicker and the fog intensified.

I would break it down into about 2, like this:

The storm didn't show any signs of giving up; the water still came down hard on me. Every few seconds, thunder would roar above my head; I didn't dare look up and kept on running. At some point I reached on what some might call a clearing, but I didn't know where I was. The ground was covered in mud and water; making puddles in every step I take.

Fortunately, I found somewhere to stay for a while before the rain lets up. Unfortunately, it happened to be a small cardboard box that could only cover my head. Not taking any chances, I ran to it and covered myself with what little there was; the interior was dry at least. I then heard a loud crack of thunder; followed by kids screaming in a distance. Hugging my knees close to me, I shivered inside; trying to keep myself warm as the wind blew a little stronger, the rain got thicker and the fog intensified.

Also, I marked out a small typo that I found while copying this. I didn't notice it until now; just a missing letter.

Aside from these issues, grammatically, the story was pretty decent. I didn't notice any glaring issues.

The pacing of the story was a bit on the quicker side, but that's okay. If I had to classify this story, I'd call it a "tidbit." It's a nice, quick read.

Both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, from who's perspective this story is told, are pretty in-character, aside from Fluttershy using the phrase, "It sucked," which seems a bit out of character.

All told, It's a sweet little story about EqG Flutters and RD. I enjoyed it, while it lasted.

If you take away anything from this story and this review, Indent your paragraphs and maybe make your stories a bit longer.

Keep up the good work!

A)Thanks. Glad you liked it. B)Short stories are kind my strong suit so I applied for that. C)Thanks for the constructive criticism. It really helps. I'll fix those asap.

5765600 Nice stuff! I like how you give a lot of examples.