Making a Scene
By Ponyess

Reviewed by Rinnaul

And on this most auspicious of nights, I find myself reviewing a story by someone who is surely one of FIMFiction’s most prolific and infamous authors. There are some who suggested I not attempt a review of this story. That a story such as this one was beyond the reach of a mere reviewer. But I knew it would not best me.

Anyway, here’s Making a Scene.

Okay, so… Vinyl is setting up some sort of stage for something Twilight is doing, in the middle of Ponyville. And then Octavia is playing something there. And then Applejack is on stage, looking either afraid or like she’s acting afraid. Also, she’s tiny again, like in the episode Bridle Gossip, which is referenced specifically as “the episode of the poison joke”. Fluttershy is there, too, and her voice is deepened, again like in that episode.

Then we get a brief and somewhat jumbled recap of the episode’s events.

And apparently everyone is excited and confused by this. Because Twilight is the great leader they never knew they wanted.

So then Pinkie Pie is going around with the party cannon, shoving it into ponies’ faces and forcing them to smile. Also you’re in the audience and suddenly it’s in second person. Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash has cleared the entire sky except for a single storm cloud. Random lightning from this cloud has marked a line of scorched earth in front of the stage, which no pony dares cross.

No guards are needed to keep this crowd in line.

Also, guards are here on loan from Canterlot to help keep them in line.

Twilight’s standing at the very top of the stage, looking accomplished at whatever it is that’s going on here, while the Cutie Mark Crusaders are wandering the crowd, wearing official Gabby Gums vests that they for some reason have.

We have some meandering thoughts about apples, and then the story goes to great lengths to confirm that none of the royals are here.

And Rainbow Dash is apparently encouraging a cold wind so the crowd will huddle together.

Just making it clear, Zecora’s not there, either. Apparently everypony has totally forgotten about her.

And then Twilight laughed at the apparent success of the, ah, event, and everypony waited until she permitted them to leave before going home.

But her friends had fun with it.

Happy end!

Okay, was that prior section perfectly clear to you? Because if it was, you’re doing better than me.

And therein lies the biggest problem with this story: It’s completely nonsensical. Each individual sentence might make sense—though even that isn’t always the case—but the overall narrative is a jumbled mess. The descriptions of the scenery are confusing, the character’s actions poorly conveyed, and nothing ever seems to actually happen. It reads like a stream-of-consciousness string of random thoughts, rather than a coherent narrative.

While it’s hard to notice with the confusing story burying all other problems, the grammar is consistently weak, as well. Typos, spelling errors, and word confusion about, while numerous places feature grammar so bad it reduces the story to full-on gibberish. Normally I highlight select examples of these problems to bring them to light, but it’s hard to narrow it down to a single choice on these, because they’re just so prevalent.

There are other issues, like referring specifically to episodes and going out of its way to point out a character’s absence, thus making that absence conspicuous. But the latter might be intentional, and any problems pale in comparison to the confused narrative and poor grammar.

Unfortunately, there isn’t much I can say here. The grammar issues could be resolved easily enough with the aid of an editor, but as it stands, your story is too confusing to convey any meaning. Until this can tell a coherent story, not much can be done to help it.

Needs Work. Virtually every aspect of this story needs severe reworking. Not just to make it a better story, but to meet the bare definitions of a story.

3431811 Just a small reflection, I have gotten more pleasent reviews from the "Rage Review".
Granted, this isn't my best story, and it is among the older once as well.

Maybe it is good this is the only "One-Shot" I have published.