Since I am bound by my own rules not to re-feature myself on the Las Pegasus Tribune page (having recently gained >50 followers), I am electing instead just to self-promote briefly here. In case you weren't already aware, my story about Philomena - Burning Day Brethren - was recently featured on Equestria Daily. Again, if you haven't already, please give it a read, I'd appreciate it!

Adren

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Not a feature. Ruined forever.

Yes, I'm a prick. How are you this fine morning?

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I do what I want! Well, actually, I still have to follow the rules...
About to head to work, actually. So yeah, enjoy!

Congrats again! I'm so happy for you!

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You're banished. To the land of authors who self promote. Then they'll banish you to self-promoting author's exile island, where you'll be quarantined for a self-promotuenza vaccine. That'll help you fight off the local zombie-mannered authors, known as 'Undesirables', with inhuman strength.
For the ensuing slaughter, you are banished back to the universe from whence you came, for this one was far too fragile for your impressively exile-worthy soul. Once arriving in the Pacific by fiery landing pod, you are quarantined for Otherland-itis, whose vaccine you recieve posthaste. An unfortunate side effect of the vaccine is that your body suddenly forms that of a latex pony, your mind lost to Equestria as a pony locked deep within the Ironhoof Asylum, located in Trottingham. You have no living familial connections, and your friends have all been destroyed by the Discordian revolution of 3 RL(Return of Luna), by the cruel fate of becoming basic garden fare, one a carrot, and the other a watermelon. The Great Rabbit-Lope Invasion of the Discordian Revolution brought a swift end to all the town's gardens. The absolute chaotic nature of your friends' fates drove you insane, and now you sit all alone, in your subconscious with nopony to love you. Except that one stallion over there in that dark alley..He looks nice!

Dear Mr. Inflated Mare person,
Your salvation lies in another universe! Hope you don't meet with any sharp objects! (I've left you in Pokey Pierce's care, so you should be A-okay!...Right?)
Signed,
His Royal Inflatable Peach King

~GAME OVER~

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... If you could see my face

Now go write a fanfic about it!
I dare you.
...er, your Majesty.