In one of my recent stories, I was called out on using relatively bland language to describe Rainbow's masturbation habits. One commenter Daioh2 created an exhaustive list of synonyms that I could have used instead.

With their permission, here is that list for the perusal of all you budding clop writers the next time you feel your writing is getting a little stale.

Applying nail polish remover
Auditioning the finger puppets
Brushing your afro
Buttering your bagel
Checking for squirrels
Checking the foxhole
Checking the oil
Checking the status of the I/O port
Cleaning my fur coat
Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp
Defrosting the freezer
Dialling the rotary phone
Diggin' the stench trench
Digging for my keys
Doing my nails
Doing something for my chapped lips
Doing the two-finger slot rumba
Double-clicking your mouse
Draining the tuna
Drilling for oil
Dusting the endtable
Feeding the bearded clam
Filling the pink taco
Filling your niche
Finding yourself
Fingering something out
Finishing the job
Fishing for cumpliments
Fishing for mackerel
Flipping the light switch repeatedly
Flossing the cat
Fluffing the kitty
Gagging my meat hole
Gagging the clam
Getting a lube job
Getting a stain out of my carpet
Getting a stinky pinky
Getting the last pickle out of the jar
Getting to know Sticky Fingers the mobster
Going deep sea diving
Going to and from the Batcave
Hand tossing the tuna salad
Having ladyfingers and cream
Hitchhiking South
Indoor fishing
Jilling off
JocelynEldering
Makin' waves for the man-in-the-boat
Making your own gravy
Menage a moi
Mistressbate
Muffin buffin'
Nail polish remover
Nursing a hatchet wound
Opening the bottom drawer
Paddling the pink canoe
Parting the Red Sea
Petting the kitty
Playing the clitar
Playing the slots
Polishing the wedding ring
Preheating the oven
Priming the pump
Reading braille
Reading the map of Tazmania
Riding the unicycle
Riding your own mule down Grand Canyon
Romancing thy own
Rubbin Hood
Rubbin' the nubbin
Scraping the cheese off the taco
Searching for Ms. "G"
Shebopping
Shucking the fresh water clam
Slapping Susie
Slapping the mackerel
Sliding into home
Soaking in Palmolive
Spanking your puppy on the nose
Spearing the bearded clam
Spelunking in the mystery cave
Stirring the soup
Strumming the big open C
Surfing the web
Swimming in the Pu-Tang River
Taking a dip in the lake
Teasing the little man in the canoe
Testing the waters
The magical disappearing finger trick
The ole feel n' squeal
Tickling the kitty
Tiptoe through the TwoLips
Tossing the pink salad
Twinkling the little star
Two-finger taco tango
Unclogging the drain
Visiting Niagra Falls
Visiting your safety deposit box
Wading in the Bermuda Triangle
Washing your fingers
Whipping your cream
Working out at the Y

It just keeps going, and going.

2301794
Fimbulvination

"Flicking the bean" wasn't in there.

2301794 What. The. Serious. Fuck.
Well. I would never, ever use any of these in my life, but thanks for sharing, maybe this list will help me to decipher the meaning of future clop.

2301794

Only like 2 in there for funny usage. We got derps. Some form of muffin buff was already used.

Rubin hood... ha ha ha. Not any any serious thing could most of these be used. Funny tho. Def comedy effect.

The two i could laugh behind.

its worth using once in a while to replace jacking off. better funny than stale.

This is gold.

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