Hello, everyone. I would appreciate a moment of your time.

I'm terrible at expressing love. I've always been a little anti-social, and I don't deal well with physical contact. I don't even like expressing it with words, that method just always seemed empty to me.

So, I express my love of people with acts of servitude. It's always been little things, like "Oh, my roommate's laundry is done, I guess I'll fold it for him." Or "You and your wife are stressed, I can watch your kids so that you two can catch a movie." "You're too tired to do the dishes? I'll take care of them." "Your tv is broken? I'll fix it." "You need to install a new stove, but the old one was wired in, and the new one calls for a plug?And you have no clue how to do electrical work? The store closes in like ten minutes, but if we hurry we can get the parts we need, and I'll show you how to do it." "Your car won't start? Let me take a look at it." "Your wife is yelling at you again? Just come on over, I'll have a beer and a pack of cigarettes waiting for you." "Oh, you're having a baby? Do you need anything? Diapers? Crib? No? Then I'll just have to get you something for yourself."

It's how I express my love to people, because I can't do it any other way. The most profound way I express my love for people is by cooking a meal for them. It's the first act of servitude I learned to perform, and it's the one that means the most to me.

Today, I prepared a meal for my family. I paid for the ingredients out of my own pocket. T-bones, leeks, fresh green beans, fresh broccoli in a homemade cheese sauce. Everything I served them I had made from scratch.

I set the table for them, and I called them to dinner. My grandfather took his place at the head of the table, and thanked me. My brother took his place at the table, and thanked me. My stepmother took her plate, and went downstairs to watch TV.

This bothers me, it bothers me to no end. I've explained to her before that I would like to have meals as a family. I cook for them almost every day, but she just takes her plate, and goes downstairs to watch TV. I'm not sure how to handle it anymore.

2033859

Tell her.

She has no idea how you feel about making meal for her. She appreciates it more than you realize. She loves it, but she has to deal with her own problems. She is trying to distract herself by watching TV downstairs and tries to forget something. She has her reasons.
Just tell her, that you want her to eat it with the rest of the family, because that is how you express your love.
That will be hard to say, trust me on that one. But in the end, she will recognize it and she will most likely eat upstairs (except she is a grumpy stepmother, who hates you, which is not likely).
If she knows, that it is truly important to you, not just bothering you, she will accept it. Make it CLEAR, that it is very important to her. Don't tell her you "would like to have meals as family." Tell her that it is IMPORTANT TO YOU. If she has sympathy for you, she will respect that.

2033935

We'll see if that works. I've discussed it with her multiple times, and I have expressed how important it is to me, but I'm just not getting through to her. We've had hour long conversations about how cooking is the way I express my love.

I obviously need to be more direct in my approach. I'll have to make sure it's when she's not high on her pain killers.

2033963

I really think she is having that "going to tv" ritual for some reason. Either she is trying to forget/deny something or it helps her getting over something. Maybe you could ask her why exactly she is going down there.

2033859
Do as 2033935 said. If she continues to take her food away, then she isn't worth your time or love. Hell, my stepmother treats me better than that, and she's a class one bitch. If she knows it's important, she at least humors me.

2033969

That's a good thought. I had viewed it less as 'watching tv' and more like 'not being at the dinner table.'

2033971

It doesn't matter if someone isn't worth the time or the love, I still give it to them.

2034002
Then you are better than me.

2034014
I don't make any pretenses about being a good man. I am a terrible man, but I want to be a good man. So, I have good principles. If I were a good man, then I wouldn't need so many rules to make me act like a good man.

2034146
...Did you know that we missed a regeneration? So 12 is the last Doctor.

2034223

We did? Well, pressing family situations will have to wait. I have a serious conundrum to deal with.

2033859
I can see this is a serious matter, and one that bothers you quite a bit. Therefore, I shall refrain from attempting to introduce levity to the thread by suggesting defenstration as a course of action. That just wouldn't be proper.

2034294
No, but it is hilarious. Just because I'm upset about something doesn't mean I can't have a good laugh. I don't have to feel just one way, I can still handle a joke. But you are correct in assuming that defenestration would not be a proper course of action.

I don't have a window of appropriate height.

2034318
I figured you would get some laughs out of it, but a "stealth joke" gives me plausible deniability.

It would be against decorum to call the junior Senator from Texas a complete and utter douchebag, and I would never dream of doing so here on the Senate floor!

2034370
Thank you, Elric.

2034146
That just described my goal in life in a nutshell.

I would do what everyone else is saying: Tell her it's important, that it's how you show emotion, and be sincere about it. She should show sympathy, or at least understand your point, and respect it. Asking her why she does that wouldn't be bad, either.

If she refuses to talk to you, or remains stuck in her ways unreasonably, then you could try this: Unplug a few cords within your TV setup so that it will not work (make sure you remember where they go afterwards). Then maybe you can talk to her more openly, and she will actually listen. But this isn't a course of action to take if it's something too severe, or stressful. You'll probably know better than I will if it's appropriate to do that or not.

If all else fails, defenestration could work . . . First the TV, then the stepmom. But just the first floor.

2034539

Nah, my little brother likes to watch football on that tv. He would be quite distraught if that happened.

But yes, I now intend to be open with her about it. I just need to find the right time for it.