I've been spiraling now. My depression is winning and it seems like I cannot escape.

7856793 How can we help you today?

7856803 Idk

7856811 Tell us, what triggered this spiral?

7856816
Multiple things

7856817 Care to state them?

7856823 Some are personal

7856829 I think I know how to help you now.

Regardless of what your reasons are, the first step is always the same:
1. Decide to do something about your situation.

As long as you don't want to help yourself or allow yourself to be helped, no external factor can help you. Only when you decide to stop twisting the knife in your chest can the process of healing begin; not before.

7856834 How do I stop twisting the knife?

7856835 The best way is to first do a hard reset to get you out of whatever state you're in. You do that by taking a cold shower. And when I say cold, I mean cold, not mild.

Currently, depression has a hold on you. With a cold shower, you temporarily break that hold because your external suffering overpowers your internal suffering.

7856849 I took a bath already

7856862 Not a cold one, though. You're missing the point completely. I'm not promoting hygiene here.