I am often find myself procrastinating and because dad cannot use his body as well as he used to and I am forgetful, easy distracted, often lost in thought, come to the wrong conclusions when I try to come up with my own solutions to problems and often cause more problems that I solve despite always doing my best to isolate myself, and that lead to living in a large deteriorating house, rotting meat that I am burning.

The house has a few massive messes caused mostly by dads hoarding and my negligence. He does this because he hates people and distrust workers because they tend to always try to rip him off and often steal things. He says that they have no excuse because he was dirt poor growing up. As such he is a junker.that always priors.up half-assed spare parts that always cost more time and pain that they are worth.

I was groomed since childhood to attempt to be a child scientific prodegy. Unfortunately I failed and by all standards I am a broken shitstain of a man with no criminal or societal achievement. My black Belt and Eagle Scout useless bullshit and my University Repitoure failure after failure after failure.

I have never party or anything. I am a retarded whanabe nerd. I am an unsuccessful ugly man who only a cat love and a father loves only out of personal obligation but that I can see that I do nothing but make him miserable.

No matter how hard I try I always screw up.

I found out that the cousin of a former housekeeper and perhaps to her own admission and as a friend to us when I was child isnthe own that started the house fire and as a favor to my mother to get both me and dad killed so she could get everything. That was back in 2006.

Dad tells me how sometimes I remind him of her constant verbal abuse. Everythig wrong I do is a reflection of her. I am part of her grand catastrophe that ruined his life.

Hopefully I am able to get some effectove psychiatric help and that eventually I can just live by myself in the house.

Not like I can ever moveout since I can never hold on to a job for long. I don't quit or slack off I just suck and are not worth thw trouble. I have been in retail and call center hell my whole adult life.

I can never love myself. I feel as of I can never do anything right.

I haven't been able to make any ew friends after I lost my last group of friends some five years ago.

I have a cat... I wish I had the energy and focus to fix everything In a day...

7829710 As long as you judge yourself by the standard of others (namely your father), you will never be able to fix everything.

If your father failed at making himself happy, what chance do you have at that?

My advice: Don't condemn yourself to a life of misery as your father condemned the both of you.

You're not some slave in chains whose life is judged and determined by others. You can be whatever you want to be. You can even become the president. There are no limits. And the world offers you various opportunities to express yourself. Notice them and make use of them.

Your life is better than you think it is. You're the one bringing yourself down, not the world.

When you manage to show me one grown-up person in the last 13 billion years who hasn't done any mistakes in her life, I will start taking your arguments seriously. Until then, your overblowing of common mistakes that every person makes is just a madman's rambling.

7829719
But I have done these mistakes my whole life Aand I never seem to learn no matter how hard I try.

7829726 Join the club. The only thing you proved is that you're a human, nothing more.

Edit: Some truths are hard to swallow, but eventually, you'll have to face the facts. Watch this: