Hello, I'm Demonic Wing, I'm writing a story called: The Chosen One, I joined this group because I would like to gather honest opinions about my story.

Right from the beginning, I'm trying to make publicity, but it does not give me anything, sometimes I just would like to throw it in hell and that much, but I decided to never give up. I not interested Like or Dislike, I just want only honestly opinions.

[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]

6542025
I'm not entirely sure what it is you expect as an honest opinion above and beyond a downvote.

This looks like your bog standard HiE story, which are basically cancer. Your name and avatar scream of a teenager/young adult who hasn't gotten out of his edgy phase yet, and your story reflects that in tags and topic. This is something I'm simply not interested in reading. It could be written well, it probably isn't.

I have a feeling you're not some kind of special wonderchild that is truly interested in and fascinated by literally everything. Imagine something you're not interested in. Golf maybe. Knitting. Stamps. Those things can be done well by those interested. You'd still be bored reading about those things. You've chosen a demeanor and story that is simply not interesting past teen years to many folks. We're here to watch and read about ponies being cute, nice, and magical. Not about some edgy human.

Honest opinion: The title "The Chosen One" is very literally the most cliche title for an adventure story possible. It sucks. It shouts "I've never had an original idea in my life."

Given that, and that it's about humans, and that it uses the massively cliche "humans are a myth to ponies" idea, and that it has "dark" "horror" and "suicide/self-harm" which are all things that are super difficult to write without being a total edgelord, I think that the amount of positive attention it's gotten is actually pretty damn good.

6542116
Okay, thanks

6542118
Okay, you think that story is... average?

6542124
I haven't read the story. I don't know how the story is. Because everything about the title and the description and the topic and the tags makes me totally uninterested in reading the story. That's just kinda the facts, sorry.

6542151
Okay, I understood

Okay, I would like to thank you for all the opinions, no matter if it is positive or negative, I respect each one of them, everyone has the right to express their own views.

6542025
I see that this is your first ever story on Fimfiction. To be honest, a long Mature-rated story with heaps of genre and warning tags is not a good place to start. Many readers have M-rated stories filtered out from their view, and many others won't read unfinished stories at all unless they trust the writer to complete them. I'd actually suggest putting The Chosen One on hiatus and writing a short one-shot (no more than, say, 5,000 words) that's E- or T-rated, and based entirely in the show's universe -- no humans or crossover stuff. This will get you a finished fic under your belt, something to show to everyone (including yourself) that you have ideas that are strong enough not to depend on edginess, violence, etc.

Another thing that bothers me is what JackRipper has recently pointed up about the story's comments section: it has a lot of deleted comments. That's a giant red flag for many readers, because they get suspicious that you're simply deleting negative feedback. If you are, don't do that. In fact, unless the comment includes personal information, is actually illegal, or something like that, don't delete any comments. Not even if they're simply "This story is shit". Let your readers make the call as to whether a comment is useful or not. On this thread -- where you can't delete the comments -- you've responded in a calm way even to some quite blunt remarks. Do that on your story's comments, too.

I read a bit of your first chapter. Here's a sample passage:

When in Canterlot everyone had fun, in the darkest depths of the abyss he was born, a powerful demon whose desire was to destroy the world, then the kingdom began to fall down, the situation was extremely serious because the next kingdom which was to fall was Equestria, martial law was declared, armies the darkness was getting closer and their leader, was a powerful demon, there had to be a way to stop it, the best blacksmiths from the Gryphons Empire, Equestria and the New Kaer Jerveen, united to create a powerful weapon, that would stop the enemy.

Why is that whole passage written as one enormous run-on sentence? Why do you use "Gryphons" when you've spelt it "Griffins" everywhere else? What the hay are the "New Kaer Jerveen"? They just appear at this point, without having been introduced at all. Why is there a comma between "leader" and "was"? And so on. Really, you need to find an editor, and one who is a native English speaker. There are various places on Fimfiction where you can do that, and it really will help.

Now, this is your first fic, and lots of authors improve later on, when they realise what they need to do. You can't improve without putting in the work, but if you're willing to work at it then you can become a better writer. It isn't 2012 any more, and you won't become "horse famous", but you can still get a nice little audience of people who appreciate good storytelling. Make it your aim to reach that point. Good luck.

6542340
Okay, thanks