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The Descendant
Group Contributor

Dear Ravens,

This is one of those unusual times of year, these first days when summer begins to hack and sputter a little bit, telling us in no uncertain terms that the high carnival of hot days and celebrations that last long into the starlit night are coming to an end. The fireflies are gone, and the tub of ice cream now feels like a chore rather than a privilege.

And... change. For some of you, this is your first year heading back to college. Others are heading back. In honor of that I present a lament, a story about those who are left behind as you head off to the lands of academia and all of the mental, personal, and societal issues that entails. I give you the first peek at another re-write of one of my "Fever Dreams"... this one taking place in a future that every parent hopes for, and dreads.

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Yesterday, the Cakes put Pumpkin and Pound on the train to head off to their first year at college.

Yesterday had been a very, very hard day.

Today will be worse.

Click on the image to be taken to the story!

Password: nest

3560547
*logs in*
*sees post*
Well, I guess I know what I'm reading.

3560547

Damn, this was ... colour me moved. As a uni student headed back for another year, this hit quite hard. Well done, sir.

A few typos I spotted.

“Guess I overdid it, huh? Here lemmee help with that!” - “Guess I overdid it, huh? Here, lemmee help with that!”

When she spoke it was it the calm, measured tones of a professional educator - When she spoke it was in the calm, measured tones of a professional educator

The final section, starting at 'Carrot could do nothing for her -', seems to be centre-aligned, which is pretty jarring against the alignment elsewhere in the story. Stylistic choice, or mistake in the formatting?

The Descendant
Group Contributor

3560563
I look forward to your thoughts when you have a chance to read it over, Goldie.:twilightsmile:


3560569
Thank you for the grammar fixes, Cara. Yeah, I didn't do the center-align on purpose. Sometimes these get really bizarre aspects when they go through the GDocs upload.:twilightblush:

3560645
GDocs is a strange and eldritch beast, no question. It seems to devour the spaces between my paragraphs whenever it gets the chance.

Oh hey, I remember this!

:rainbowlaugh:

-Lumino

3560547
Damn. You really know how to hit where it hurts, T.D.. Granted, I'm not currently about to head back to school, but the memories of heartfelt goodbyes and those first days on my own sting all the same. I'm almost wondering if there's a sister story to this one in the works—one that shows Pound and Pumpkin's side of things. I'd read that in a heartbeat.

Yet despite the raw emotion you managed to bring forth, the mindset of an editor never quite leaves me. For your convenience:

Missing dialogue quote:

“Oh, I know it. I know that they’ll be just fine,” she answered, leaning against her stallion. Their daddy did a great job too, don’tcha know?”

Typo:

Pinkie’s words went buzzing around in his head; they had been since she had sat him down and unwarpped him.

Homophones!:

They’re mother was proud of them. They were going to do great. That was that.

Misplaced comma:

Even if he did his, own gathering tears would have muffled them. He sat his head to that of his wife, nuzzling against hers.

Thanks for the story, T.D.. I'll definitely be favouriting it once it goes public!

The Descendant
Group Contributor

3560816
Hey! What a coincidence! I remember it, too!:raritywink:


3560852
Thanks for the grammar catches, Arg. You know I appreciate them.:twilightsmile:

Congratulations on another wonderful story.

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