I am thinking about submitting a fic to this site, but I want some more opinions on how it is thus far before I do.

As you may see, I already have some rather great pre-readers who have already offered their opinions on the fic (somehow managing to hook one of them, I personally carry my usual tinge of skepticism about whether or not he is actually hooked and is just playing nice). I would like to get a better idea on how I am doing so if you would like to oblige please reply to the thread or PM me and I'll give you the link.

Thank you.

1915806 Hmm.. I suppose I can give it a read. But I won't be able to right now. I need to get to sleep for school tomorrow. But I can do it after school tomorrow if that's okay ^^

1915869 Anytime is alright, though, I will warn that the chapters are short nice profile picture by the way.

*edit*

Link: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/134381/fates-twist

view password: fate

1915883 That's okay. I don't really mind chapter length, so long as it's a story that grabs my interest.
And thanks, you too
So, mind sending me the link in PM and I'll check it out tomorrow?

1915903 Ummm, I'll PM it to you right away but it's already in the comments...

1915916 Ah, sorry. It wasn't there when I was typing the reply..

1915919 It's more than alright. I might end up scrapping what I have for the fic and starting all over again.

1915936 Pfft. I wouldn't blame you. I do that a lot.

1915962 Eh, you strike me as someone who can write a good fic very easily.

I just suck at writing fics, I also keep trying to make a perfectly epic fic and when I read what I've written I get disappointed then scrap it totally. Although, I have received some pretty good amounts of positive feed-back from my pre-readers. Whom only tell my to clarify how old the main character is, leave the first chapter off with a cliff-hanger, and make chapters longer.

The positive is just overwhelming me...

1916017 Me? A good fic? I may get good reviews on my stories, but I have trouble figuring out what should happen in the next chapter, hence why I put one of my stories on hiatus

Also, I chose to give your story just a quick read because why not, and I must say that I do agree with your proofreaders! It seems like a very interesting story! I would say to make the chapters longer, as I think people tend to avoid stories with shorter chapters...

But other than that, it seems like a promising story! I look forward to more chapters!

Shouldn't you be doing your math homework?

...sorry.

1916051 I'm sorry to hear about that. I look forward to giving your fics a read in the near future. (as in, when I finally decide to actually sit and read for a bit. Also, when I'm not pre-reading for someone else.)

Thank you for the kind words. Honestly stopped those bloody things screaming in my head and made my night so much better. As a reward, here's some super-special-herbal-tea-of-awesomeness,

1916055 Sorry, I can't stay awake in math class and if I have to look at another probability or chance question I'm going to blow. They are so simple it's pathetic.

Also, #3 goes to you my fellow internet user. I swear I get more publicity than ever before with my current username.

1916128 I.. I made your not better? I'm glad to hear that ;u; I've been told I'm good at advice, (and considering my words once stopped someone from committing suicide, I probably am, ) So if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here

1915806 well pre-readers are important for future fanfic writers eh screw sleep i'll give it a read and tell ya what i think

1916192 Lol, normally I would be an open book and take you up on that offer but I'm going to stay closed for once. Sorry, but you need some sleep and I'm keeping you up. Also, it's honestly nothing...I've been worse, WAY worse than now. Thank you for the offer though.

Yep, my night was just made 20% cooler.

1916219 Thank you very kindly, but don't lose sleep on account of my fic. It's not even that good yet.

Here's the link and password if you missed them in the comments.

Link: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/134381/fates-twist
view password: fate

1916309 Psht. Don't worry, I'm staying up by my own choice. I should go to sleep, but I'm too lazy to. (Too lazy to sleep... Wouldn't be the first time I've heard of that.)

But then if not tonight, perhaps another night?

1915806 Kenpachi Ramasama! How can you be so flippant, yet so desirable?

1916336 Too lazy to go to sleep, eh? Can't say I haven't had one of those nights.

Lol, I do not see why not. Although, I must point out that nothing but boring stuff is going on these days (i.e. Some high school drama, occasional voices of doubt popping into my head, and what not.) Almost all of the more..."interesting" things happened a while back, minus the fact my vampiric tendencies are making a little comeback.

1916371 #4 goes to you good internet user.

Yeeeeah! Check out my swagga! Kenpatchi Ramusama in da cluuub!

^ typical greeting to a fan of mine....

It's because i barely know you exist, therefore, you want me.

1916399 Boring or not, I'll listen. I always like to help people, so I do my best to do just that

Anyway, I think I'll go to sleep now. I'm tired and there's also school tomorrow Perhaps we can talk tomorrow?

I bid you a good night

1916490 I was about to say the same. I guess the love to help others is a really common trait in the brony community. =) Love and Tolerate stuff.

I would love to but before I do...I would have to make a little formal introduction. Which I will do tomorrow because I do not feel like being formal at present.

Thank you, I bid you a goodnight as well.

Luna, por favor entregar buenos sueños esta noche.

1916556 I went so far in these comment responses that it went from being one character per line to disappearing.

1916556 Well, I'm ready for a formal introduction when you are

1922367 *clears throat and bows deeply*

Hello, sir/madam (you know which you are ). Many call me by many names, you however, may have the name that my parents ungraciously bestowed upon their little monster: Dillon.

As you are probably aware from the above passage, I am simply not in a great mood for my usually perfectly formal introductions and I apologize immensely for my foolish negativity, but alas, I can not help myself sometimes when my mood is taken out from under me.

Rest assured, if my current state displeases you (as it most assuredly will) I can try to force myself out of it through some music. So, no harm done. At least, not yet. I still have to mix that batch of berries....

1922494 Pleased to meet you, Dillon. You may refer to me as Alice. It is not my real name, but I'm sure you can understand the usage of a fake name. You will most likely know my real name in due time.

Fear not, for your mood doesn't bother me. As I once stated before, I'm always here if you need to talk to someone. I understand if you would not, seeing as we've only met the night before, but I'm still here nonetheless.

I know it's not best to bother others when they aren't in a good mood, however since you have given me your introduction, I feel I should give you mine as well.

1922641 Thank you for your introduction, I have no problems talking about my personal stuff to people I met almost 24 hours ago.

Please, if you do not want to give out your real name, then by all rights do not. Real v.s. usernames doesn't matter all that much to me. Mainly because that I highly doubt that we will ever cross paths in "the real world" I use the phrase loosely. I share my real name because I want people to know my by who I really am, not a username that reads "Kenpatchi Ramusama".

There are times when prying is the right thing to do. However, that's generally a good rule of thumb. I don't really know what to talk about...all that happened was me trying to decide whether or not to submit my fic or just wash my hands and delete the piece of schmit.

*edit* However, this is not the place to have a discussion if you are to pursue the matter.

1922762 I believe there's always a chance that those who met over the internet can meet in person, if you really wish to. We just both have to make sure the person is who they say they are, as well as decide the place and time. I even plan to take one of my friends I met over the internet to Disney World.

Choosing whether or not to submit your fic, eh? Well, I say you should submit, just not right now. I say not right now because the chapters are a bit short, and I don't want people completely turning off your fic just because of the chapter length. I believe your story has great potential, and I want many to read it.

If you have trouble thinking of what to add, you could always ask me. I might be able to come up with an idea or two.

1922799 Lol, Disney World? Lucky dogs, they get to pay $10 for a bottled water, $100 for a T-shirt with a little Mickey logo, and wait in line for rides for about 3 hours.

Nah, I apologize but I know there's a chance...I was dating a person from this site after my friend left him broken-hearted. So there is definitely a chance. Just not for me, I honestly have no intention to meet a bunch of people who have never seen my face (or have seen it over Skype) I wouldn't be able to handle it. A place surrounded by judgmental stranger's eyes constantly picking out my flaws, no one I know to cling to, and all of the stress...the least would be me breaking down in tears, running away and hiding.

All of my ideas have a lot of potential, I just suck BADLY at writing. I have considered just giving out every idea I have to the person who wants it the most. I would only submit it to see how much hate I would get and every dislike or bad comment would be marked down as a punishment for being a bad writer.

I'm strange and pathetic sometimes...perhaps I- before I bombard you with my bullshit I'll stop here.

1922869 Eh, it's his biggest dream to go there, and his life is really rough even though he did nothing wrong, he's just... "different". He's not special needs, but what he is isn't something that's generally accepted in this generation. I think he really deserves it.

(Sorry for the long rant that you're about to read )
You wouldn't need to worry about me doing that. I mean, I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting someone whose never seen my face either. However, if I grow close enough to someone--close enough as in I trust them with seeing my face, knowing my age, location etc--I'd like to meet them in person as well. Internet friendships are just as real as real life friendships. You're just hundreds of miles away instead of living close to each other. You wouldn't have to worry about me judging you though. I'm not a judgmental person. I mainly look at the strengths in a person instead of their flaws. I could care less about a person's flaws, so long as they're not mean to others around them, like bullying and such. If you were to run away in tears and hide, I would try find you ^^

I personally don't think you're bad at writing. I think you're better than me at least! And even though you think you are a bad writer, the only way you can get better is by practicing! Write anytime you feel motivated. And if you're not sure about your chapters being good enough, simple revise and edit them till they are to your liking!

Must I tell you again how I'll listen? If you'd rather it be in PMs, go ahead and PM me with what you got. I'll listen and talk about it with you.

I read through your story, and I have to say that I enjoyed the way you described things. It flowed well and your word choice helped with that. I only noticed a couple mistakes:

...the flower highly resembled a Lilly...

Lilly should be spelled lily.

...they barely struggled to stay out of debt...

This sentence is a little confusing, maybe reword it? Maybe something along the lines of "they didn't have to worry about debt"? I dunno.
Anyway, I hope you keep working on it! As long as you get enjoyment out of writing it, anyway.