So, as I was reading a comment on one of the threads (if it gets posted in this group, it gets read), I noticed that I gave the impression that this was a "no-sex zone."

I'm going to edit the description of the group to amend any confusion, but not only am I okay with conversation on sex here, I actually encourage it. Sex is probably the single greatest struggle any man will ever face. Countless men, myself included, are either currently or have in the past struggled with sexual addiction. I believe that is because of how the world today has so greatly objectified sex instead of regarding it as the most beautiful act two people can ever share together.

If you're having a sex related struggle, then I want this to be a place where you can freely discuss it and get advice to help you overcome it. Don't shy away from sexual conversation. I just don't want to see a lot of frivolous crude conversation objectifying sex.

People make such a big deal about sex.. It gets really annoying when some adults at school are always trying to talk to you about STD's.

I just see it as an act of love, and something tells me I won't fall in love with some idiot who is infested with STI's and is only in the relationship for pleasure.

That's my two bits on the subject.

424019
I have the same feeling about it. I wount have sex with someone unless I'm pretty sure I love them. Thats why I've only had sex with few people

I think your perception of sexual addiction is very broad. Constant or near-constant sexual desire is actually fairly normal. I dated a nymphomaniac (yes, she was actually diagnosed), and I can tell you that there are no similarities between her and 99% of males. Even if you think you're a sex addict, you're probably not. They are not your normal, run-of-the-mill horny person. That is a lesson I would have preferred to not learn.

Honestly, I don't think your a sex addict because you want to have sex a lot. Humans by nature, want to have sex, a lot. That doesn't mean your an addict it doesn't mean you have a problem, chances are your perfectly normal.

Some people most enjoy sex when they have a deeper emotional connection with someone, and some don't, they just like to have sex, doesn't make you and addict or objectify sex in any way, that's just the kind you like.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with someone you like and who likes you back.

There's a bit of a problem if you're rushing things solely for the sake of having sex, in my opinion.

424055 "Some people most enjoy sex when they have a deeper emotional connection with someone, and some don't, they just like to have sex, doesn't make you and addict or objectify sex in any way, that's just the kind you like." That's one way to think of it, but while it might not make you an addict... I don't know, seems a bit unhealthy. That's just pleasing your dick but not yourself, honestly. Don't get me wrong, I've already stated that I have no problems with sex, and I could, to be honest, even understand a "friends with benefits" kind of relationship, but it seems silly to seek out people just for the sake of having sex. It seems easier (and cheaper if you're buying) to find people you actually like and care about before jumping to sex. Less stress, less awkward, more fulfilling.

But what do I know, I'm a virgin. Feel free to tell me if I'm full of crap.

I don't mind sex and I'm into women, but I wouldn't mind a guy friend to 'get comfortable' with so to speak. however, it is strictly mine and his or her business.

424035
424055
I'm talking about having difficulty getting through a day without receiving sexual gratification on some level or another (masturbation, intercourse, pornography, etc.)

424304 Hmmm. I want to say something without getting to personal, but there's not really a way I can do that. I will say that daily masturbation is hardly a sign of addiction... Now when you find yourself doing it in public restrooms more than once in a blue moon, you might have an issue.

Like I said, though. REAL addicts are very, very different. My ex literally could not take no for an answer, and that was a sign to me that it was time to end it. I still feel bad because it wasn't actually her fault. I just hope she found somebody with the same issue because that's the only way I could see that kinda thing working.

424304

Yeah that's more understandable. But, what if someone enjoys sexual satisfaction every day, not really go and have a one-night stand, but through masturbation, this isn't just for men either it involves women too, they need just as much sexual satisfaction as men.

Maybe someone enjoys sexual enjoyment once every, or every other day, through masturbation and sometimes sex. That doesn't mean they have a problem in the slightest, maybe they do have a problem if they can't get through a day with doing something. But, if they want to have sexual satisfaction every day, that doesn't mean they have a problem.

And honestly some people prefer to have sexual satisfaction everyday because it might keep them mellow, or just level their attitude.

424250

Why friend you must of never heard of a club? Going out to have a one night stand isn't a bad thing, maybe someone prefers to have sex with someone without an emotional connection to the other person. Sex with no emotional connection is exactly what it's named sex.

And besides maybe not everyone wants a committed relationship.

424388 True enough, I can't think of a decent way to contradict that. If it's a one night stand and that's what both of you are looking for and nobody's getting their feelings hurt, seems fine to me, honestly. I don't ever see myself doing anything like that, but I can certainly respect it.

424367 That's true. It's a rather common misconception that men want sex more than women do, because of society's general rule that ladies must be proper and dignified. Not true. The ladies have needs, too.
I do think that it's natural to want some kind of sexual release regularly. It's certainly not a sin, at any rate. It's just a part of life; sex, that is. As long as there isn't a pent up need to get off 3 times a day or something absurd like that, it's part of a healthy lifestyle to have a sex life, whether that entails intercourse or masturbation. There's no black and white answer to any of this stuff, but I think there's a clear cut distinction between having a problem and being a human being who has needs.

I will say this though, if you're in a committed relationship with someone the line between what's appropriate starts getting blurred. Masturbation is interesting, because your partner has to wonder if they're good enough for you, but at the same time you two might not be at the point in your relationship where either of you want sexual stuff to come up and someone might get a little antsy. I don't think I even need to say that having sex with anyone else is a no-go then.

Anyway, there's no black and white answer to this, but we can try.

424264 I know you said it's your business, but could you define "get comfortable"? Do you mean cuddling? I totally support cuddling between everyone. That's not a declaration of love, it's a sign of affection and companionship. Then again, I'm gay, so of course I don't have a problem cuddling with my friends.

424264

Whatever your most comfortable with, go with it.

424367
And hence the grey area of sexuality. I am of the belief that sex is to be reserved for the marriage bed alone. I say that knowing that I have willfully acted against that belief before.

If only I hadn't. My experience with entering into sexual relations with a woman have always ended with a very particular pattern-I become miserable, then the relationship falls apart.

To be entirely honest, I know that I can't tell you what constitutes proper sexual behavior. I can only tell you what I believe. Yes, I believe masturbation is wrong. And that is because I don't believe that sex should be about pleasuring one's self, but one's spouse. And masturbation doesn't just stop because a person has a partner. And ultimately, it's not something that can be hidden forever. Once the partner learns about it, the partner is left with the question of "Am I good enough?" Sadly, there really isn't a good answer to that. If you have a sex partner, but you still feel a need to masturbate, then is your partner actually enough for you?

My other big issue is pornography, another issue that I myself struggled with for years. I always hear people say that "porn doesn't hurt anyone," but that in of itself is a lie. Pornography is fueled by the modern slave trade. Although the extent of the modern slave trade can't be measured, it is believed to vastly exceed the Trans-Atlantic slave trade of the early colonization of the Americas. The more people view pornography, the greater the demand becomes for women to take part in it.

Yes, I look at these issues from a Christian perspective. I'm not here to give you a sermon, so I'm not going to drone on about my views on sin and what is right by God. I have no right to, seeing as I am guilty of taking part in each of the acts that have been mentioned thus far. The thing that I'm trying to say is that sex shouldn't be about the self. The act of sexual intercourse is so beautiful, so very beautiful, if it is reserved for the marriage bed. But sex can also be the single most destructive obstacle in both a relationship and one's own life that it shouldn't be taken as lightly as it is in the world today.

Pornography used to be an issue, then I just found out that the only reason that I *ahem* "pleasured myself" is because i needed to vent stress. I do so now with games, ponies, God, church and the occasional charity work. (for me!)

you just need to find things that occupy your mind, most of the time, you tend to want it more if you have nothing to do.

424709

Well see I know where your coming from, I used to be a christian myself. But, now I am an Atheist, so our views differ because of our beliefs.
I see masturbation and sex, as a very natural thing, it releases stress, at is good for your heart as well. And honestly I couldn't imagine something that is natural to be with held, I see this as being equal to not eating or drinking. And, again your view on porn is just that, your view controlled by your beliefs and not everyone has the same.

But, I see it is your beliefs that give you these views, but not everyone has the same beliefs. But, honestly how would things look if you only looked at their natural side, that isn't deemed wrong by religion.

Honestly sex and masturbation in the eyes of religion, I have yet to understand why they are bad, I understand you have them, but just not why.

424506 Pretty much.

I've kind of got the Martian's Eye View here, as I have the mixed blessing of being asexual. And no, it's not a genetic issue, hormonal imbalance, or any such thing.

(For the confused, if
heterosexual = sexually attracted to the opposite sex,
homosexual = sexually attracted to the same sex, and
bisexual = sexually attracted to both sexes,
then
asexual = sexually attracted to neither sex.)

I don't hold any religiously-defined views related to sex, so I see it as an interesting and complex set of social and biological activities, with the ability to have a wide range of effects. Personally, I see masturbation in the same light as any other process for eliminating excess substances from the body (go ahead, tell me a badly-needed trip to the washroom isn't a pleasure, but I'm not going to discuss that in public or do it for fun either), but I understand why that's not a commonly held viewpoint.

On a completely value-neutral note (AKA I'm not telling anyone what to do), a lack of some method of regularly flushing things out can lead to prostate issues over time. I recall a trustworthy first-hand anecdote from elsewhere concerning a gentleman who wound up discussing an unusual prescription from his doctor with his pastor.

425095

Sorry Zon, but that's not what asexual means. Asexual means you reproduce by generating an exact replica of you DNA structure, pretty much a clone, and for an example of how being asexual works, look at the reproduction process of Bactria.

425170
And gay only means happy, yes?

Yours is of course the primary definition, but asexual also has that secondary meaning. It's even used in the formal literature now (sample pdf).

425094 "Getting comfortable", or however you want to refer to it, is totally fine, man. I know that the slightest sign of affection guys show is immediately deemed unmanly and "gay" by society, but if you have someone who you know well and you're both comfortable with physical affection, more power to 'ya. You can have feelings and truly care for someone without it being romantic, and boy is it nice to have company at that level of intimacy.

Mo' love, less problems.

425095 This is a random question. Do you get lonely? I've had to give someone up recently who I really loved, and we've talked a lot and he (yes, I'm gay, if you didn't see my post before) doesn't want or plan on being in a relationship ever. He finds a lot of strength in his faith, and that's why he's fine with it. At least, that's my analysis of the whole thing. He has God as his significant someone, and is happy with that.
Anyway, the point is that he's okay with not having someone, and it sounds like you're leaning that way, too. But even if you aren't attracted to either sex, do you think you might ever love someone? After all, I didn't fall in love with the person I'm talking about because of his looks, I fell in love with him hanging out and spending time together. I'm attracted to him because I love him, I didn't fall in love with him because I was attracted to him.
Anyway, clearly I'm flailing here. Do you have an answer to my poorly worded, incredibly vague questions?
On a side note, do you just not care since you aren't attracted to anyone? I know I would be lonely, and will be lonely, if I don't find someone to love.

425513 So true, if only people could just relax a little.

425513
Although popular culture seems to have largely forgotten this, sexual love isn't the only kind of love, and you can even have non-sexual romantic love. (Seriously, go read some letters between friends from a century ago. Guys who insist on tacking "no homo" onto everything they say would probably have their heads explode.) That probably has something to do with why so many of the shipping fics end up with a mature tag. But to answer the actual question, I could go either way on that one. Some asexuals do the pair-bonding thing, and even get married. Some prefer to have a circle of very close friends (yes, ponies tend to be popular on ace forums for obvious reasons). And some feel self-sufficient on their own. I'm not unlike Twi on that score though, so (going by past events) I'm more likely to be single and have a few good friends than anything else.