Well obligatory first impressions need to be obliged in the order in which they happened:
1st: "It was the kind of morning when hitting the bar was the first and last thing on his mind. Like a famous pony’s son, the morning was overshadowed by the night preceding it." How can the morning be real if the night isn't real?
2nd: The gibs! There's a chunk of flesh phys-bugging out in the corner! MAKE IT STOP!
3rd: Fate is the Six Billion Bit Mare! Give her a sword. Rules of Nature!
4th: Raze says what we are all thinking. Says and in some cases, does. I too would partake in a rousing game of Snake two-hundred years after the apocalypse.
5th: When we said, "get a room", I don't think we were referring to the bathroom, guys. ಠ_ಠ
Typoblam.exe
"Catching on, fate turned her attention to the armored Steel Rangers." Fate needs cap.
"“Uh, Fate,” Said Raze, hesitating." Said does not need cap.
Also, may or may not be relevant, but the terminal mentioned an overseer when it was an overmare in charge of that stable. Unless you were implying that it was originally headed by a stallion before a mare took over, or some other plot point that will play a role later on in the story. Or maybe I'm reading too deep into it. How can I read if these words aren't real.
1. WAT 2. There was a time in Fallout 3 when I killed a Deathclaw in the basement of a ruined house (all open, no door to the inside). Its body started fidgeting a little bit, then it looked like it was in a boiling pot, then it flew up out of the house and into the sky. It was so beautiful, I shed a tear.
Then there was this other time my wife was playing and she was in Rivet City. Here comes Father Clifford, walking halfway in a wall and with hands bigger than the Hulk's, and preaching all the while.
3. Fate's pretty practical. We'll see what happens.
4. He knows that real comedy requires pain/torment. Also, he reminds me of an old lady; he says anything that's on his mind.
Those pesky capitalizations are gibbing me to bits and pieces!
"Unless you were implying that it was originally headed by a stallion before a mare took over" - That's basically the idea, kinda just harkening back to the original story when Calamity and LP have a similar conversation.
Any contact between someone's undies and my face would result in uncontainable fury on my part. That poor man. But at least it wasn't any actual... residue. Something that the gang will have to look out for when using that bathroom.
4173186 Wow. Thank you so much for this comment, it inspires me to write more. If you enjoyed the first chapter I hope you'll continue to enjoy it despite or in fact because of different skills I picked up along the way, thanks to some dear friends. It's at times challenging to write, considering my RL schedule, but it's comments like these and the knowledge that I've successfully bettered myself that make it all worthwhile. Thank you so very much.
So where do I even begin...
Well obligatory first impressions need to be obliged in the order in which they happened:
1st: "It was the kind of morning when hitting the bar was the first and last thing on his mind. Like a famous pony’s son, the morning was overshadowed by the night preceding it." How can the morning be real if the night isn't real?
2nd: The gibs! There's a chunk of flesh phys-bugging out in the corner! MAKE IT STOP!
3rd: Fate is the Six Billion Bit Mare! Give her a sword. Rules of Nature!
4th: Raze says what we are all thinking. Says and in some cases, does. I too would partake in a rousing game of Snake two-hundred years after the apocalypse.
5th: When we said, "get a room", I don't think we were referring to the bathroom, guys. ಠ_ಠ
Typoblam.exe
"Catching on, fate turned her attention to the armored Steel Rangers." Fate needs cap.
"“Uh, Fate,” Said Raze, hesitating." Said does not need cap.
Also, may or may not be relevant, but the terminal mentioned an overseer when it was an overmare in charge of that stable. Unless you were implying that it was originally headed by a stallion before a mare took over, or some other plot point that will play a role later on in the story. Or maybe I'm reading too deep into it. How can I read if these words aren't real.
OH GOD THE GIBS.
1. WAT
2. There was a time in Fallout 3 when I killed a Deathclaw in the basement of a ruined house (all open, no door to the inside). Its body started fidgeting a little bit, then it looked like it was in a boiling pot, then it flew up out of the house and into the sky. It was so beautiful, I shed a tear.
Then there was this other time my wife was playing and she was in Rivet City. Here comes Father Clifford, walking halfway in a wall and with hands bigger than the Hulk's, and preaching all the while.
3. Fate's pretty practical. We'll see what happens.
4. He knows that real comedy requires pain/torment. Also, he reminds me of an old lady; he says anything that's on his mind.
5. Have you ever seen Planes, Trains and Automobiles? I might've taken a bit from that...
Those pesky capitalizations are gibbing me to bits and pieces!
"Unless you were implying that it was originally headed by a stallion before a mare took over" - That's basically the idea, kinda just harkening back to the original story when Calamity and LP have a similar conversation.
4019015
Any contact between someone's undies and my face would result in uncontainable fury on my part. That poor man. But at least it wasn't any actual... residue. Something that the gang will have to look out for when using that bathroom.
Oh, and this thing. Imma just leave this here.
4173186
Wow. Thank you so much for this comment, it inspires me to write more. If you enjoyed the first chapter I hope you'll continue to enjoy it despite or in fact because of different skills I picked up along the way, thanks to some dear friends. It's at times challenging to write, considering my RL schedule, but it's comments like these and the knowledge that I've successfully bettered myself that make it all worthwhile. Thank you so very much.
"Galena shot up and leaned over, resting a hulking claw on fate’s shoulders."
Sorry for missing this the first time, but at least I found it now!
Don't ask what I'm doing here.
Now fate stood in her juices and prayed, Goddesses, please tell me what to feel.
An imagined cold sweat crept across fate’s body.
Missed these as well. Again, don't mind me lurking around your story for unspecified reasons. >.>