Meh this was ok

Hmm, interesting. I don't think the journal structure works very well for a fallout: equestria fic, though. It just doesn't give us enough information; it tells us what happens sure, but what about the little things? Reactions speak louder than words, ya know.

All in all 7/10. Iz good.

So lets me read this little thing... *five minutes later* Okay you need some help here.

For the first is this way way way to fast paced, mostly because what you are trying to do is something that we the reader should react on, but reading that she lost her eye did just made me go "meh". We do not know the character properly, we do not know her personality, we know nadda, and that is not good for ones first character. After the first character should you at least know enough so you want to go on, but with this fast pace is that not going to happen for me.

I do know that this isn´t what you want to hear, but if I was you would I rewrite it all, slow it all down so she just are falling for the zebra in the end of the chapter and then lets shit hit the fan in the next chapter. Beside that would a pre-reader properly help you with your pacing and how to add more content in general.

Nitpicks
" I love prospecting, which is a nicer word for scavenger. " You should properly change your "scavenger" into another word, it is not really making any sense that we are going from an adjective to a noun like this.

" today was my eighteenth birthday" Should be an "is" instead of was, it is still present tense after all

"No, oh fuck no! The stallion… he’s a… oh, fuck, he’s a slaver. I… I need to get my stuff back… oh, crap, he can see my necklace glow. SHIT!!!" This does not really work, you would not give yourself time to write like this in a situation like that. Beside that are ellipses and shuttering rather meaningless in a diary.

"calling her the perfect sex doll" saying toy instead of doll would properly be more effective. Doll is after all a half positive word in an odd way