The Night's Stars Deleted Scenes From "Offer" · 8:41pm Jun 3rd, 2021
So it’s been a while since I’ve made any blogs about deleted scenes, and It’s also been a while since I’ve published a new chapter. So to help break that up, have a few deleted scenes from “Offer.”
Or, more accurately, this chapter was agitating to write and I had to write several different versions before I settled on the chapter that now holds the Mantle of Offer. Figuring out how to get Nightmare Moon and Twilight on level footing so far as no implicit threats, so that I didn’t wind up with some implications that are downright uncomfortably, was a challenge.
Some of this will likely be familiar to you because some of what was written was ultimately factored into the final chapter which I published.
From the chapter I have marked as “Original*” (although this technically isn’t the original chapter),
When Twilight stepped back out of the bathroom, the feeling of the cool night air stealing away the lingering warmth of her hot shower brought her to frown in discomfort. Glancing around the room, she found Spike's basket empty and his bed made. And then by the time she reached the door, it was all gone. She held back a sigh. 'I miss the sun's warmth.'
Without day, the night just wasn't as special. She wondered if that said something about Nightmare Moon or Princess Luna.
She shook her head as she turned and stepped out of her room. In the library below, Nightmare Moon stood. "Twilight," was the alicorn's acknowledgment.
She stopped, blinked, and stood there for a moment. With a quick glance around the room, she found both Spike and Midnight missing. Looking back at her mentor, she voiced a quick, "Um, hello. I wasn't expecting to see you until later." She started down the stairs, watching Nightmare turn her head to the left, the slightest hint of a grimace spreading across her lips.
Did she just see Nightmare's wings twitch at her sides? She must have imagined it.
Once she stepped off the last stair, Nightmare turned back to her face. "I... desired to speak with you."
Twilight studied Nightmare's expression. The grimace was still there, and more than that, she caught a flicker of uncertainty in Nightmare's eyes. "Okay?" she asked.
Nightmare bobbed her head, and the grimace mellowed out into a thin, strained line. And finally, Nightmare's eyes snapped to her own. "We are..." Nightmare winced, "Good, yes? After-" and Nightmare broke eye contact, turning away from her while that grimace returned, "-last night."
'Of course, you're here about that.' Holding in a sigh, she nodded once, making Nightmare turn her head back to face her. "Look, I still disagree with it," she voiced, and Nightmare again turned away from her. "But I can understand your reasoning."
"But you disapprove," Nightmare summarized, disappointment slipping into her voice.
Twilight nodded. "You didn't have to."
Nightmare rolled her head left, then right, then finally centered on her. "I did not..." Nightmare trailed off, her mouth still open for a few seconds before closing. Nightmare inhaled, then exhaled. And then Nightmare shook her head and looked at the stairs behind her. "We can speak openly, can we not?" The alicorn looked down at her. "I am..." Nightmare shook her head and turned around, coming to a stop facing away from her.
Twilight frowned and silently walked over to stand at Nightmare's right. Once she came to a stop, Nightmare turned her head and looked back at her.
"It weighs on my mind that I threatened you into becoming my student," Nightmare said.
Twilight's frown grew. For a few seconds, she managed to keep looking at her mentor, but then she turned away from her.
"I am sorry," Nightmare said. A moment later, Twilight closed her eyes as she felt one of Nightmare's feathers trace along her spine. "I... should not have done that. I was not thinking right and... it was wrong of me to do that."
The stroke ended and Nightmare's feather didn't return. Twilight opened her eyes and turned back to face her teacher. "Forgive me?" was Nightmare's plea. "I do not want to think this is hanging over our relationship. I know that I dropped my threat but... I still threatened you and-"
"It's okay," she said.
For a few seconds, Nightmare's mouth lingered open, then Nightmare closed her mouth and nodded before turning away. "Thank you. I..." Nightmare trailed off and stepped away from her, then turned around to face her. The alicorn looked into her eyes, studying her, searching for something. Twilight couldn't tell whether Nightmare found it or not, but in the end, Nightmare bowed her head for a moment and closed her eyes. "Do you still desire to be my student and my friend?" she asked.
Frown returning, Twilight answered, "Yes."
And for just a single second, Twilight thought she saw Nightmare flinch as if pained, and then she thought she saw pain, and then it was gone. "Why?" Nightmare asked. "Why are we friends? How can we be friends? You have no reason to be my friend besides thinking of your own safety."
'That was something I thought a lot about,' she remembered. Her muzzle scrunched up and she turned away from Nightmare Moon.
"Why?" Nightmare asked again. That flicker of pain was more pronounced than before.
What was she supposed to answer to this? How was she supposed to answer? Turning back to face the alicorn, she asked, "Why?"
Nightmare lifted her head higher. "Why?" Nightmare echoed, but her teacher didn't understand it.
"Why do you want to know?" Twilight specified.
Guilt. For a split second, Nightmare Moon looked guilty. And then it was gone. "I threatened a foal, Twilight." And the alicorn's muzzle scrunched up in disgust, and then she turned her head to the left, unable to look at the filly. "I wanted to torture my Sister when I returned. I considered destroying Canterlot in order to defeat Cadance if she was a threat like I thought she was. I almost killed you, Twilight. I almost killed a foal." And Nightmare smiled a twisted, sarcastic smile filled with anger and hatred. She did not step back, nor frown. "And a thousand years ago I would have done things a thousand times worse." And the smile shattered. Nightmare turned back to face her.
"You are a good pony, Twilight. Luna was a good pony, Twilight."
And it went unsaid that Nightmare Moon was not.
Nightmare Moon shook her head and turned away from her again. "And so I find myself asking if I have deceived myself. Deluded myself in thinking that we are friends when it is based on nothing more than a lie. If I did not threaten you, we would not have become friends. And as it is you have five very special friends and that we are friends causes strife in your friendship with them. I do not want to hurt you by forcing you to choose me over them. And I do not want you to feel that you have no choice but to remain my student and friend." Nightmare faced her again. "If I offered to sever ties with you, let you go free with no strings attached... promised never to harm you or any of your friends, promised never to harm Sister unless I had no choice... would you choose to remain my friend, or would you take your freedom?"
For a time, silence passed between them. She wasn't sure how long it lasted, but Nightmare stood there patiently. And Twilight stood there, watching her. Watching Nightmare search her features, almost pleadingly.
"You compared me to the dragon, who I would consider a monster. Do you consider me a monster?" Nightmare finally asked.
She shook her head, breathed in, then exhaled. "No. You're not a monster." She hesitated a moment before nodding. "But you're not a good pony either." Nightmare's lips twitched, but nothing more. "Good ponies can do bad things, and bad ponies can do good things." Nightmare turned away from her, blinking several times. "You're right that we're only friends now because you threatened me. If you hadn't, then I'd probably be busy trying to figure out how to rescue Princess Celestia."
Nightmare scowled, then grimaced. "And that would most likely end up with you being thrown in the dungeon, or..."
Twilight kept silent for a moment, then continued, "But you did threaten me, and I forgive you for it." Nightmare turned back to look at her. Nodding, Twilight continued, "Friends aren't perfect. We're all ponies, Nightmare Moon. You've done bad things. Princess Celestia has done things I don't understand.
"So no, you're not a good pony, but you're not a monster either. You have your own way of looking at things and your own way of thinking. But you're smart, and while it might be hard for you, you can recognize when you've made a mistake. and you have tried to fix some of those mistakes. If you were a monster, you wouldn't admit to making mistakes. If you were a monster, you wouldn't care what I think of you; a monster wouldn't care what anypony thought. But you do. You're not indiscriminately killing ponies for rioting or for vandalism. Maybe that's only because you don't want Equestria to fall apart, maybe it's only because you don't want to have to deal with the problems that would cause, and maybe it's only because it's not in your best interests, but you're not doing it."
Twilight paused, licked her lips, and studied Nightmare's expression. There was definitely something there in Nightmare's eyes; the alicorn looked at her intently. No threats, no malice, and yet intent and focused. Holding onto what she said, not turning away from it. Listening to it and taking it in. Nightmare cared what she thought. Even if it was hard. Bowing her head, she continued, "For a while, I considered being your friend so that I could feel safer. I figured it would give you less reason to hurt me. And that's the wrong reason." She looked back up and met Nightmare's gaze. "But no. If you offered to cut ties with me, even with all of those promises, I would say no."
Nightmare's brow folded down, and Twilight saw the alicorn's inability to grasp it, summarized in a single question, "Why?"
"Because, in your own way, you're trying," Twilight answered. "Because just abandoning you-" she shook her head, "-just giving up on you, isn't the right thing to do."
And Nightmare's brow only creased more. So for a while, both of them stood there, watching the other. And almost like a foal looking to her mother for reassurance, Nightmare asked, "You would not?"
"I won't," Twilight stated. "So long as you're trying."
Nightmare closed her eyes and bowed her head, and for a moment, Twilight though the alicorn looked free. Nightmare lifted her head back, and though she didn't smile, said, "Thank you. I am-" Nightmare turned her head to the right, "-grateful for your friendship." The alicorn faced her again. "I... will endeavor not to betray you."
And without saying anything else, Nightmare stepped over to her, leaned down, and hugged her. Sat down and pulled Twilight close to her body and held her there. Twilight closed her eyes and lifted her right forehoof and wrapped it around Nightmare's neck, mirroring Nightmare's actions. But of course, she couldn't mirror how Nightmare enveloped her body with those majestic wings of hers, couldn't mirror how they made her feel safe and happy, bringing her to smile as she rested her head against Nightmare's neck. Nightmare nuzzled her neck, and she returned it. For several seconds, Nightmare continued nuzzling her, even after she stopped returning it. And when Nightmare finally stopped, the alicorn rested her head at an angle, just barely nosing into her mane.
It felt too soon when Nightmare finally lifted her wings from Twilight's back. Twilight frowned and lifted her head back when Nightmare pulled back. The alicorn stood up and took a step back, looking down at her. She watched the way Nightmare's eyes nearly danced as they jumped from spot to spot. Then Nightmare glanced at her back before looking back at her wing. Extending her right wing, Nightmare looked back at her and stroked a single feather along her jaw before folding her wing again. It was enough to replace her frown with a smile. "I will recall Midnight to Canterlot. You... I do not believe you need a guard here in Ponyville. There are already batponies patrolling and you should be competent enough to not need one," Nightmare said. "Though," Nightmare drawled, leaning her head to the right, "I would not be surprised if you two cross paths again. She has-" Nightmare squinted, "-taken a liking to you and your friends."
Twilight snorted. "Yeah, that sounds like her."
Originally, Offer was set after Grand Galloping Gala Part 2, so that leads to this scene. This version of the chapter was never finished because it didn’t work as well after Grand Galloping Gala as before. I think. I don’t really remember and I’m managing to confuse myself by jumping between all these chapters.
Dinner with her friends after the Gala had been a lot more fun, and embarrassing, than Twilight had anticipated. But as she thought back on it, she couldn't help but smile. Not only had her friends joined her, but so had Cadance and Shining Armor and her parents! It was almost perfect. Laughs were had and stories were shared- much to her and her brother's detriment. Her parents, Shining, and Cadance took turns teasing her, followed up with some teasing from her friends, but she had to admit they had points.
She could be rather silly at times. Or perhaps silly wasn't the right term. "I swear every night Cadance and I showed up Twilight had her nose buried in some book or another!" her brother rather accurately summarized. Cadance laughed and her parents shared a smile. Her friends rolled their eyes.
The only things that could have made the dinner any better were if Princess Celestia and Nightmare Moon had been there. It weighed on the back of her mind, but she did her best not to let it show and dampen the mood. None of them would have been happy if Nightmare Moon had been there, and everypony would have been nervous if Princess Celestia had been there. It wouldn't have been as lively.
Out of nowhere, her brother had pulled Cadance aside, bowed, and proposed. Everypony was caught off guard, though perhaps none moreso than Cadance. Her former foalsitter squealed like a foal on Hearth's Warming- if her birthday was on Hearth's Warming- and summarily pranced around the room, much to everypony's delight- she could still picture Pinkie on her back, giggling madly- before finally sweeping her brother up in her forelegs and making him wheeze.
Alicorns were strong.
Cadance answered a delighted, "Yes!"
Nopony said anything, but as they sat back down together, she noticed a flicker of worry pass between them. At the time, she wasn't sure why. Once they were back to the castle, she figured it out. With a bit of pressing, she managed to get her brother to tell her, "I'm going to have to ask Nightmare Moon's permission."
His worry was misplaced. She tried to reassure him of that, because she was convinced of that. And yet still, it wasn't lost on her, that at one time, his worry wouldn't have been misplaced. She offered to go with him. He shook his head.
Before she went to bed, Twilight had visited Nightmare Moon again. She had asked, "What did you say?"
Nightmare stood and contemplated for a few seconds before looking at her and answering, "They do not need my blessing." After a few moments, Nightmare turned away from her and added. "I gave them my blessing."
And that was that, as far as Twilight had been concerned. Her brother was going to be marrying her former foalsitter. Her brother was going to be marrying an alicorn! "What happens now?" Nightmare looked at her as if she didn't know what the question meant. "With them," she specified.
"They plan their wedding. It is, of course, going to be a major event, given Cadance is..." Twilight saw Nightmare grimace for a moment before continuing, "a princess."
"Is that going to make him a prince?" she half-jokingly asked.
"Yes," Nightmare had answered. It came so quickly that, even without Nightmare admitting it, she knew the alicorn had known it would come to pass.
She was surprised. She was surprised that it surprised her.
They hugged and then she left. Nightmare's armor wasn't comfortable.
The morning after Twilight and her friends stayed the night in the castle, she was unsurprised that her friends were reluctant to join Nightmare Moon for breakfast- even if it was silly. "She's not angry," Twilight had told them. They weren't entirely convinced, or perhaps there had been something else at play that she didn't notice. It took some convincing, but they eventually agreed.
Cadance and her brother were there too. The breakfast ended up being almost the polar opposite of dinner: rather than a lively gathering, it was formal and cold. Nopony laughed, and even Cadance's smiles were strained. Even with Nightmare Moon having taken her armor off, nopony was comforted. They didn't look at her like she was another pony, rather Twilight remembered the caution, hesitation, and calculation in Rarity's eyes every time her friend looked at her mentor.
Her friends wasted no time in leaving after breakfast finished, with the exception of Rainbow and Rarity, who lingered behind. Though they didn't say so, she knew her friends were keeping an eye on her. Or perhaps Nightmare Moon. Cadance and her brother left together to make plans and set a date.
Once she had finished eating, Nightmare pulled her into a hug. She returned it. Only after they broke away did she see both Rainbow and Rarity looking at the two of them with a look she wanted to forget. Nightmare silently met their gazes, as if judging them back, yet also contemplating what to do.
"Twilight, let's go," Rarity called.
So she left with them. She had glanced back behind her shoulder to look at her mentor one last time before she left.
Nightmare looked disappointed.
They took a trip through Canterlot before they left, and it surprised her how much more alive the city seemed. Though it was still night, there were ponies out. They talked louder than before, sometimes smiling, sometimes laughing- at least the ponies who weren't holding their heads high as if they were better than everypony else. Aside from the nobles, it seemed that, despite the disaster the night before, the Gala had reminded them that even with the change, the world kept running. She knew Nightmare would be pleased.
But she also knew Nightmare would not bear witness to it: as soon as Nightmare would show up, she knew everypony would scatter out of fear. It wasn't fair for anypony.
The chariot ride back to Ponyville passed by in a blur. The next few nights passed by just as quickly for her: a mixture of studying, spending time with Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity, and practicing spells.
Nightmare didn't show up again until the third night, in the evening just an hour or so before the moon would set. To Twilight's surprise and delight, she came without her armor. Even more surprising, Nightmare didn't have her helemet replaced by a crown. The alicorn delivered her a letter, and when she opened it, was delighted to find an invitation to her brother's wedding.
And definitely by design, they had set the date for Hearth's Warming. Shining wanted her and her friends to be a part of it. Her only complaint was that Shining didn't ask her in person.
Since Spike was late getting back from Rarity's, Twilight took the time to fix the two of them tea. When eventually asked, she would zealously inform her friends she did not almost accidentally burn the kitchen down. No matter how much smoke Spike claimed to find. Her magic was more than enough to prevent that from happening.
Nightmare and her winded up on the balcony, talking and watching the stars while they sipped their raspberry tea. Well, Twilight did most of the talking, and Nightmare was content to nod and offer her usual short, to the point comments of "I see" and "Yes" or even "You are correct."
When Spike finally returned, she had sat up and found, to her surprise, Nightmare's wing was around her back. She wasn't sure when it had happened, and she was surprised she couldn't remember it. Upon seeing Nightmare Moon, Spike's happy high from spending time with Rarity quickly subsided. She helped him to bed, and by the time she returned to the balcony, she was able to watch Nightmare lower the moon.
And oh, the wonderous display of magic it was! She had seen it before, but still, being that close to that sort of magic!? Knowing that the pony who controlled the moon was the same pony who taught her? Knowing that they were friends? It was incredible!
Even if she had been able to say the same of the pony who moved the sun.
She yearned to be able to say the same of both of them, at the same time.
When Nightmare looked back at her, horn still glowing, and extended her wing in offer, Twilight pictured herself sitting against Nightmare's side, with Princess Celestia on her other side. Sheltered between the two alicorn sisters.
She took the offer and sat down beside Nightmare, then watched the stars. She remembered a meteor streaking by, burning itself out. She remembered Nightmare's feathers brushing through her coat, keeping her held close with a slight pull.
"I am glad that your brother and Cadance are marrying," Nightmare related with a nod. "I do not like your brother and this gives me an opportunity to replace him. Likewise, a royal wedding will be good for Equestria."
"What about them, though?" she had pressed.
Nightmare grimaced. "I do not know. I do not know how I feel. I do not know them well enough. Cadance may be my niece... ah, your brother will become my nephew in law, will he not?"
For a moment, she thought Nightmare might be reconsidering letting them marry, but her mentor shook her head. "Regardless; the choice is theirs."
"Yes," Twilight agreed. A few seconds later, she had added, "I'm happy for them."
Nightmare hadn't said anything about it, but Twilight knew something was on her mentor's mind.
The question she was left with was what?
Then there’s the alternate rewrite that I wrote, which was pretty much finished before I ultimately scrapped the whole thing as a result of feedback from my prereader. It would have worked better broken into multiple parts. In it, Nightmare Moon sent Twilight a letter instead of visiting directly. The whole chapter is too long to post here, so instead, here’s a link to a google doc with the full chapter, copied from fimfiction, which leads to the unfortunate copying of some formatting that I don’t know how to remove on gdocs.
Thank you for sharing these!
:)