Review of the Pony POV Series as a WHOLE by Frozen Doopliss

Review by Frozen-Doopliss https://www.deviantart.com/frozen-doopliss

Well, here we are, after a whole year (more if we count the brief period I dropped off after mistakenly believing Dark World followed the original arc due to finding it depressing without the context of Reharmonized, and other arcs,) I've read through to the end. Now that I have a complete perspective on it, I feel a little more comfortable reviewing, as I hate to end up accidentally criticizing "plot holes" that are in fact, foreshadowing for something important later, and similar issues. (Despite leaving a comment on almost every chapter, it had mostly been as a sort of pseudo-bookmark, I'll admit. But I tried to at least give some detail about what stood out for me when I could.)

Arc 0: Discorded Ponies

It's almost funny to see this as an arc unto itself, now, given that, by word count, (INCLUDING its epilogue,) it's shorter than the final chapter here, if just by around 80 words.

This arc did a pretty good job of selling the whole idea of Discord as a master manipulator, rather than someone who just magically messed with people's brains to act the opposite of how they usually would, and showing how the mane six (save Fluttershy) ultimately will have to deal with the flaws that let them fall like this. Trixie being set up as an element of harmony as well, was an interesting twist.

Arc 1: Reharmonized Ponies

This is where a lot of the series unique aspects are introduced; Scootaloo coming under Dash's wing, Fluttercruel coming into existence and being treated as her own person, Applejack looking into the Truth, and so on, giving it a bit of its own identity. It also does a pretty good job of showing the process of healing from psychological trauma as something that can be messy, done at unusual pace, with some backsliding, and with everyone having different coping mechanisms, but ultimately, it's something that has to be done.

Arc 2: Pearls (or Princess Gaia)

While I still kinda feel that the trigger point for this was OOC for Fluttershy, (even if the show's writers did something similar, but much more inane, in later seasons) this is still a good concept and arc, overall. It's the first action-heavy arc, and some of the fights are a little rough around the edges compared to later fight scenes, but they still hold up. Fluttershy trying to make a dream paradise of eternal childhood was a nice source of conflict, and some of the scenes of adult characters like blueblood interacting as foals was pleasant. Fluttercruel's redemption was also a really memorable moment. You also did a pretty good job giving all the action here some lasting consequences, that linger throughout the rest of the story.

Arc 3: Butterflies

I'll be honest, a lot of this arc just blends together, for me, and not just because it was nearly a year since I read it. It feels like a really drawn-out epilogue for the Princess Gaia arc, covering a dozen different perspectives, and feels kind of jumbled and all over the place, few of the stories feeling connected to each other beyond being set after Fluttershy's defeat, while taking a while to get anywhere as a result. One of the weaker ones, I feel, not helped by the presence of a lot of "recap episodes." (I'll go into what I mean by that later).

Arc 4: Origins

The arc that does its best to bring some love to generation three, by infusing it with a good bit more action an personality than it originally had, while also giving it a tragic ending. I'm not certain it entirely had its intended effect on me, (I still have trouble remembering the majority of their names, and who got reincarnated as who later) but it did have cool fights, and introduced the divinity of this world, giving a bit of introduction to all of them, with more development of those characters coming During Celestia's focus arc, and the story of the three tribes. It was a very good piece of world-building (later retcons notwithstanding) and held my interest well. Though I will say I agree with one of those G3 ponies saying "I'm tired of hearing 'sorry, but it has to be this way,'" which did get a little repetitive even before the end of gen 3 was revisited in a couple later short stories.

Arc 5: Mind Games

The arc is fittingly titled, as Discord's manipulation of Diamond is definitely one of the highlights of the arc, giving us a look into both their characters, and also is just well-written dialogue. But Golden and Filthy's stories are no slouches, either, giving some frantic action and a look over a broken psyche, and a redemption of sorts for a father who took his grief the wrong way, respectively. Rarity's relationship with Diamond also shines as she tries to help the filly overcome her trauma, even if it's ultimately interrupted.
It's not completely perfect, there are some pacing issues, and times where it feels like we're revisiting a scene in a chapter just to remind the audience "hey, that's still going on" without actually moving that scene forward, but it's still quite solid, overall.

Arc 6: Dark World

My biggest complaint about this arc is, without a doubt, that not only is it not made clear in the first chapter, or even the first five, that this is an alternate (but heavily intertwined) universe to the one we've been reading, but even when readers got the wrong conclusion, you didn't so much as say, out-of-universe, what it actually was. It'd have been one thing if you'd told this BEFORE a period where Discord was literally released seconds ago, and readers are expecting a follow up to that. Even the fact that it "takes place at the same time as the Shining Armor arc" doesn't help, because that's... not actually true, when you think about it; SA starts before any events in Discorded Ponies, while Dark world catapults its story at least 1000 years into the future even BEFORE we even start talking about time loops.

While I can't speak for anyone else, personally, even after figuring it out on my own, I didn't really feel satisfied at having 'got it,' I just felt annoyed that I had been lied to via bait and switch, and that the story that just had a tense cliffhanger was being interrupted.

All that being said: this is actually one of my favorite arcs in the series.

While I did have a bad reaction initially, even before the frustrating reveal, partly due to some darkness-induced audience apathy at the start, partly due to a "plot hole" caused by thinking this Twilight was the one that had already beaten Discord due to the aforementioned deception about the setting, (see my point about why I generally wait until I've read to the end to review, at the start of this post), once I'd cleared those hurdles, the gradual rebuilding of the heroes into their own persons again, even if not quite the same as before, the slowly rising numbers of the party, the sense of hope building in spite of insurmountable odds, all carry very well. As does the mystery of who those voices advising Twilight and the others are. (Even if I got spoiled on them.)

The dialogue heavy scenes were all, generally, well done, and this arc has some of the most interesting fight scenes until the finale itself. There are some scene of either type that, perhaps, went on a little too long for my liking; the second visit to the Apple's farm kinda meanders, while the fight with the Doctor felt like it should have ended three or four fake victories earlier, Fluttercruel's fight was staring to feel like it was dragging toward the end, and while Nightmare Twilight's fight choreography was cool, her dialogue felt like was on a much, much shorter loop than the rest of her ("yes, none of this is real, do you have ANYTHING else to contribute to the conversation here?" I thought to myself while reading). But those ultimately amount to little more than nitpicks in the grand scheme of things.

It was rough reading though it at first, but it was well worth it, in the end.

Arc 6: Shining Armor

Well... going from a favorite to one of my least favorite. What can I say, that I didn't already say in earlier posts? I guess I CAN say that a lot the issues aren't really your fault; your story got held hostage, here, IIRC, after all.

I'll also add, in your favor, that many of my initial grudges against the character of the Blank Wolf ended up stemming from a couple of journal/status posts I saw you make before I'd started reading, that misled me as to the nature of the role it'd play in the story. One involved you complaining about a pair of background ponies that appeared in a crowd scene in the show or comics which resembled Rick and Morty, saying that the Blank Wolf would eat any incarnations of those characters that got near the PPOV verse on-sight, giving me the impression it was just an enforcer, keeping things you personally didn't like out. (I don't like those characters either, just to be clear, I just disliked the idea of an in-universe enforcer like that more.)

The other involved the Apple Family telling a story about the wolf, saying that it works like when you're telling a story around the campfire, and someone pipes up and interrupts by saying "and then dragons flew in and ate everyone," and the rest of the people listening shake their heads and say "nope, that didn't happen," basically explaining the wolf eats those kinds of additions to stories. This gave me the impression that it functioned either as a kind of in-universe "suspension of disbelief" thing, or as in-universe fanon-discontinuity/fix-fic. The first possibility was a little too vague for my liking while the latter... well, there are fewer things in fiction that grate on me more than a story clearly designed with the idea of "the guy's story was garbage, I'll do the same thing, but <b>I'll</b> do better, because <b>I</b> know better" in mind. Neither of these were the case.

I apologize, sincerely, for going into SA with a chip on my shoulder about the Blank Wolf, based on these false impressions.

Though I will say that I still view my other complaints, about it being inconsistent, having vague rules, and being an "only the author can save them now" obstacle when an antagonist, and a story breaker power that is hastily shackled for vague and seemingly contradictory reasons, before being shoved off screen altogether, when on the side of the heroes, as valid. Again, making an exception for the use in the EQG saga.

I also feel that the concept of the story as a whole, would have been better as a oneshot, if it really needed to be included at all (frankly, the part that ties the two storylines together in Dark World could have served fine on its own, were it not for Chrysalis having Makarov as part of her origin, here). The fact that nearly every part of the story is erased from history doesn't help it feel like less of a waste of the reader's time, either.

Makarov being a mary sue kinda feels like an informed attribute when you're flipping back and forth between this arc and dark world.
*flips page* Makarov had an impossibly fancy gold gun, isn't that just so over the top?
*flips page* Rarity creates sapient life from rocks through desire alone
*flips page* Makarov made tripod tanks, isn't that unbelievable? (Personally, after seeing Equestria had guns and tanks, the tripods just made me shrug and say "fine, why not?")
*flips page* Fluttercruel turns the brains of living things to taffy, their bones to glass, the air in their lungs to sand, all in under a second, and Twilight finds a way to negate ALL of this in less than that same second.
*flips page* Makarov had, like, REALLY persuasive speech magic for, like, five minutes, you guys.
*flips page* After becoming a goddess by beating and absorbing her evil clone that had been eating and powering up from millions of good clones, Twilight gives the entire universe and everyone in it to Rarity, with no objections from anybody, which results in Rarity becoming a goddess herself.

I know context is important, and I'm certainly not calling the dark world characters, Mary Sues. It's just, the contrast is a bit stark.

But that's enough rambling about this saga, let's move on to better things:

Arc 7: Seven Dreams/Nightmares

I initially reacted with some skepticism to this smaller arc, mostly due to seeing it as an interruption to an interruption, but while some stories held my attention better than others, all of them eventually won me over at one point or another. Patch and Melody's stories were particular favorites of mine, and I enjoyed the adventure in the first, and the recovery process in the second. Overall, it provided some good extra world building for the days before and after the disaster.

Arc 8: Wedding

Despite your saying this arc hadn't been planned from the start, it doesn't feel that way. All the character development within feels natural, and does a good job in both utilizing the past arcs (even making the Shining Armour arc feel like it had some purpose, introducing the guards, providing motivation to the traitorous general, and supplying Chrysalis with her supernatural foresight for how her plan A would have been thwarted), and setting up leads for the future.

Chrysy's origin story is well told, making the character as she appears in the story feel believable, while still showing off her tactical skills, establishing here as a capable threat, as well as providing a good tragedy.

Her relationship with Sweetie Belle is quite well handled, too; the progression feeling fairly natural, while still making for a good twist, that adds a bittersweet element to the heroes eventual victory.

The action scenes are all great, hardly any of them feeling dragged out or too uneven (save for a few that are obviously supposed to be), and the element of caution the heroes have to exercise in being stealthy and setting up traps shakes things up a bit from the other arcs. There's also a lot of effort put into giving sympathy to the common changelings, which doesn't go to waste.

I'll also say, while it doesn't completely avoid dipping into the reasons WHY background characters are very much an element of storytelling, it DOES do a far better job than every other arc at capturing the idea that "there are no unimportant/background ponies." The majority of times a character gets mentioned, chances are they'll eventually contribute to the plot in SOME way, even if it's not by fighting or aiding the heroes directly. And each is often given just enough focus to help emphasize that, without drawing things out more than needed, so the reader leaves on a fulfilling note when moving to the next batch of characters.

It's still not perfect in all that, though. The sheer number of characters in the story that had some importance by this point, here and in the Rumors arc, often left me mentally double-taking and saying "wait, should I know you?" There were also still a few times, here and there, where it felt like a new minor character was giving a lot of background info that was barely relevant to them, much less the overall plot, in attempt to flesh them out quickly. But ultimately, it all felt far more connected and cohesive, which really helped sell the idea.

The only other major complaint I'd have about the arc is pacing; once Blueblood thwarts the wedding and the mane 6 that aren't brainwashed hide, there's a distinct pattern that forms from then, until the final battle; planning and character interaction in the church, sneaking into the castle, having a fight or setting off a trap to rescue a character, flee, regroup in the church, repeat. All the components are interesting and different enough on their own (though some of the planning and character interaction bits could get a little dragged out or redundant. There's a big reaction to Moth by the new characters nearly every time a regroup happens, as an example). But once I noticed it, I couldn't un-notice it.

Combine that with the fact that the heroes are gradually growing stronger with each character they rescue, while simultaneously weakening Chrysy's forces who are able to do little to catch up, (to the point Chrysy herself starts giving up toward the end, until getting zapped and realizing "oh, hey, plan Z actually worked,") and it ends up deflating the tension as the climax approaches, until Chrysy's twist. It might have been helped if, toward the end, something had come along to throw a wrench in things; maybe the church gets discovered, forcing the heroes to rush and relocate, maybe another one of them gets captured, or even just separated from the main group, and winds up with, say, Fancy Pants, the Wonderbolts, or Shining's squad, until they meet up at a later point. Just something to add a little uncertainty.

All that being said, though, the Wedding arc is definitely among my favorites in this series, possibly even my favorite overall.

Side arcs: Histories Tirek and Majesty

These weren't written by you, true, but they fit the tone of your world quite well, and excellently blended G1, G4, and PPOV elements together to create something that really feels like it belongs in this setting. The action is exciting, they develop their main characters, side characters, and the world they live in, quite well, giving it a sprawling feeling.

...Even if the framing device for it all is still a little flimsy.

Arc 9: Nightmare Ponyville

Again, I REALLY didn't like the bait and switch here. It'd be annoying, but still reasonable, if it were only the second time this happened in general, but it 's the second time the readers were bait-and-switched about this SPECIFIC cliffhanger, the big question of "what are Discord and Diamond going to do to the world now that they're free (and don't have bigger problems to deal with,)" and I was really put off by it. And I only had to wait a few months; your original readers were waiting over two years to be met with a second bait-and- switch! It could have been a little more bearable had it been BEFORE Diamond unleashed the fog, or if some other clarifying thing came in early on... But I suppose the latter would hinder the mystery aspect.

Okay, that rant out of my system, the mystery element here is pretty okay, the concept is kinda neat, and it explains how the nightmares survived to interfere in the next arc. The first six chapters are all pretty good, with a fine build up, rising action, and climax. My only other major complaint about this arc is the serious ending fatigue. IIRC, this arc's about 12 chapters. The main conflict is resolved in chapter SIX. That makes half of the story nothing but epilogue, while readers are still hanging on a cliff they've clung to for over two years. Well, okay, the last two chapters subvert it and, after an action sequence and... sigh... another recap episode... lead directly into the point where the nightmares helped out the CMC, and where the cliffhanger was about to finally get resolved.

All in all, I have issues with it, but it's still an okay arc...

Arc 10: Rumors

The idea of a curse that brings horrible things people imagine to life, even when they contradict each other is pretty neat. The execution? Well...

Before we touch on that, I'll just say that, while I could totally understand somebody getting sick of the game references and game logic by the end of this arc, I personally, did not. I'll also say that I felt like Button, and his deal of having his life re-written, as well as his game gimmicks and sense of humor, contributed a lot to the story, and it was nice to have him there.

The corrupted little princesses were fine additions as well, bringing antagonists with conflicting feelings and a fun battle gimmick into the ring, and the story was improved by their presence.

Okay, I should admit, this is a section that I have some strong personal feelings about... Take what you see here with a grain of salt, but... This arc almost led to me dropping PPOV entirely. I can still pinpoint the exact line that made me exclaim, outloud, "Really? REALLY?" get up out of my chair, walk away from the computer, and debate long and hard if I was falling into the sunk cost fallacy, or if I really wanted to see where this would go. The fourth-wall breaking rant from red-riding Nyth... you know what, I'm just gonna call him Scarecrow, it's easier to spell, and more fitting for him in this story. Red-Riding-hood-Wolf-Scarecrow's fourth wall breaking rant during the first chapter of AJ VS Scarecrow was the straw that nearly broke the camel's back in this arc, it pushed the meta content over the acceptable edge, made the strawmen so grating, and tossed all subtlety out the window.

I hate Scarecrow, not because he's a villain, and we're supposed to hate him, nor because he "is me" or whatever his deal in Shin Megami Tensi is. I hate him for the same reason I hate that the only time a conservative character shows up in media, is when they're mustache-twirling puppy kickers. There are so many lines of his I read, where I respond anywhere from "I don't agree, but that's a perfectly reasonable conclusion to come to, and see why you would think that, I have friends who think that, and respect their view" to "Yes, that is completely sensible and valid" only to immediately follow that thought with "Oh, he was stabbing a puppy/saying how fun it is to drown orphans after saying that. Guess we're not supposed to agree with him."

"If you don't like dark fiction, don't read it. You can write happy stories that you will enjoy," is a perfectly valid view.
"Some people write tragedy to help work through their own challenges and vent emotions they are otherwise unable or not allowed to express," is quite true, and I honestly don't see anything inherently wrong with it. And an important detail NOT mentioned by Scarecrow; nobody real can be hurt by the events of fiction. (Well, maybe emotionally, some could, but not nearly as much as a real trauma. And importantly, unless the writer of said dark fics are deliberately leaving it where kids could confuse it for lighter fare and read it freely, people who dislike it, or might be harmed by it can choose to not expose themselves to it, again, unlike real life trauma.)

It should be abundantly clear from the fact that the Dark World saga caused darkness induced audience apathy in me, at first, that I don't like dark fiction for the sake of dark fiction. And I'm certainly not defending any of the shoddy, shock-value-only schlock that are specifically referenced in this arc. But I'm sick of seeing those who read and write darker fiction vilified for it.

There's a lot more I could say (reading this arc did actually have one big positive impact on me, in that it caused me to think in some depth about WHY certain fictional themes grate on me, when other, similar themes and choices don't), but this is perhaps the most time I've spent rambling here on something deeply personal and subjective to me, and I'm pushing it as is.

I'll just add one more personal point, then try to get to the more objective stuff quickly, then move on to the finale: an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. If everyone had the idea to "correct" stories they hated, then the writer of the original story would make a "correction" of the "correction," which would in turn be corrected, and so on. No truly new stories would come into being, and none of the authors would really be enjoying what they wrote, beyond maybe some spiteful thrills. I'd rather just give a poor review to a fic I dislike, then move on. An oversimplification, admittedly, and part of what I've been trying to mull over myself, as I mentioned earlier, but you might get where I'm coming from, and, again, I don't want to be on this point forever.

Objectively, going through six chapters of "fight corrupted pony, point out flaws in referenced fan-fic, have a heart to heart, cure" got repetitive. There were attempts to shake it up (I'll say this much, I actually LIKED Twilight's, as it dove into the "even if the stories contradict each other" thing that none of the others really touched on beyond the running gag about everybody being shipped with everybody) and to just skip it entirely with Fluttercruel and 'Shy, but, to drop the attempt at being objective again, I can't say it helped much, but that might be the frustration with the personal stuff talking.

Honestlty your story is at its best when doing it's own thing, rather than trying to follow others so closely.

(One other thing I remembered, that didn't seem to go anywhere: "Surprise" telling "Maud" during the cupcakes episode that she might need to take action to stop her sister (Pinkie) if things got dire, no matter how much it hurt. I would have commented that in that chapter itself, but I was concerned it might be foreshadowing for something much further down the line. Unless it was supposed to be about opposing Discord... which, I got the impression, she already WAS.)

The "final" battle was good, at least.

Arc 11: The REAL Finale

I'll say this much, after a lot of arcs focusing on what feels like dozens of characters, it was nice to finally dial it back, mostly, to the main cast, for a closer, more personal conflict here at the end. Diamond and Discord's dynamic here is at its absolute best here, especially as they both try to play the "real" big bad, to get the other off the hook in Discord's case, and to end her suffering in Diamond's case. And Wind Whistler's additions were very memorable, as well.

The battles are nearly all suitably showy and grand, with all sorts of good back and forths in both the dialogue, and the blows. One highlight that still stands out to me is Celestia and Fluttershy fighting two of Discord's extensions in the same chapter, Flutter seeking to try and resolve the situation as peacefully as possible, Celestia hiding her emotions from her foe and simply doing her best to blaze through her enemy as swiftly as possible, and neither of them being depicted as more right or wrong for their choice of approach when all is said and done.

Some of the more memorable emotional beats include Golden's heart wrenching dialogue when she shows up and sees her daughter, Celestia trying to peacefully reach Discord (with cake), and Rarity's sacrifice, (especially including her generosity to the spirits of dark magic,) which, I'm still shocked you had the guts to carry through, even if you did have G3 Rarity fill in for her to soften the blow to her friends.

The FINAL final battle, while perhaps pushing dangerously close to exhausting the readers, did make sense narratively, given those were still very much violent parts of Discord introduced to him, and the fight itself was quite an enjoyable read, too (even before we get to the moment of seeming doom, followed by my total weakness for just about any finale where "EVERYBODY chips in" or whatever that trope is actually called... they just make me tear up).

I'll say again that some parts of the multi-chapter wrap-up felt more important, (and interesting to read) than others, though, in the end, there was probably no way around it being more than one chapter, at least. But it was satisfying to see a bunch of long running threads finally reach their ends; Scoot's parents, Silver finally getting to be friends with Diamond again, Dash and Gilda becoming friends again, Diamond and Sweetie becoming whole again, Luna's fate. There's a few more I might be forgetting at the moment, but those were all nice to see, and it wouldn't have been a proper finale without them. There were a lot of other details, of other characters whose arc had mostly reached their conclusion by that point in there too, and, to a degree, I wouldn't have minded most of them them, but having them ALL be there kinda felt overwhelming while, as a reader, I was getting ready to wind down. But that is ultimately related to one of the overall criticisms I have for this series, so I'll save that for the final segment.

Just know, I felt satisfied, reading the finale.

Overall:

I don't want to end on a negative note, but I do have one critique about a problem that pervades all but the earliest (and shortest) arcs in PPOV, so I'll try to get this covered and out of the way, then get to the good stuff. I mentioned "Recap episodes" a few times, because that is often what chapters with this problem usually were, in one way or another, but it's not a totally accurate term. I guess a better term for the issue would something like "big lists of events." I think you eventually realized it was a bit of a problem too, given you lampshaded it two or three times in the same list, at the end of the Nightmare Ponyville arc, with Scoots yawning or reading comics while Nightmare Dash tells about her time in the main PPOV timeline.

I notice it most prominently when you introduce a new pony; you often have the interviewers ask them (with the actual questions being off screen) a series of questions about what they were up to during each episode of the show up to that point,and during each major plot beat in PPOV so far. With the Mane 6 and other recurring cast members, this was usually pulled back a bit to just talking about new episodes and PPOV events since their last major interview, but the issue was still there. It often played out something like:

<I>I waited a really long time in line during Cider season, and I didn't get any the first time. When I finally did, it was that dreck from when the two weirdos put their machine into overdrive. Didn't feel like drinking anything after that. What a waste.

I ducked and covered under my cart once that giant purple dragon attacked. It stole some of my food! I heard it even attacked the Wonderbolts before it disappeared! What was up with that?

My thoughts on "Her Kindesty?" I don't take KINDLY to being a brainwashed baby, thank you very much!

I wore a vampony costume on Nightmare night. I heard the princess showed up, and spooked everypony. I can't believe I missed it! What do I think about Pip? He's an alright kid. Can't place his accent, though.<I/>

In some lists like the above, it could feel like jarring quick leaps from subject to subject, while some others did a little better to keep a single theme, but that wasn't the only problem. There were also times, for example, The Day Love Cried, or the list of ascending alicorns at the end, where instead of going over several events from the perspective of one character, you list off how dozens of characters react to or are affected by one event, which tend to suffer a similar feeling of being dry and dull. The big problem with these list segments, I think, is a combination of "telling, not showing" and a well-intentioned desire to be thorough, that accidentally goes overboard into making sure you mention at least a little bit of everything, at the expense of giving focus to anything. You not only end up telling rather than showing, but the information you tell can often feel completely pointless in its content, and overwhelming in its volume.

(The example of this that stood out to me the most was from Button Mash's intro chapter, where there's a paragraph in one of those lists, that just says something like "Did I attend the Sisterhooves Social? Do I look like a filly? Next question." It doesn't really tell us anything about Button, the Social, or anything, and feels like it was just brought up to check off a list of his reactions to each episode in that season.)

There's no one fix for ALL of these types of lists that crop up. For example, in The Day Love Cried, like I mentioned in my comment there, the problem could probably be made better by showing every deity at the funeral, having them each approach (or be approached by) Venus in their own way, and offer the condolences mentioned in the list, with one of them also speaking for the ones that couldn't attend.

In a lot of other lists, I feel a good approach would be to ask a few questions about each item on the list. Is this information important to the reader understanding the plot? Does it move the plot forward? Does this information tell us something new and significant about character, or the world? Does it help set the scene for later events, or give new context to past events (this can include red herrings if setting up a twist or mystery)? Does it help establish a mood or setting for the scene it takes place in? If the answer to all of those questions is no, that part of the list can probably be pruned safely. And once the list is down to a more manageable set of items (preferably ones that can each have a little linking thread between them, or at least be smoothly transitioned from one to another, to give a sense of continuity and focus, but it's not as vital,) you can focus on giving each of the remaining items more detail, possibly giving them more context, and making them feel like scenes being acted out, rather than a summary of events by a history teacher.

That said, there are some places, though few and far between, where big long lists DO tell something about a character or situation BECAUSE they're big long lists. Nightmare Rainbow reciting the fate of every last Scootaloo helps emphasize that yes, she cares deeply for ALL of them. Similarly, the big "EVERYBODY chips in" moment in the final battle has it's point and scale driven home by just about every character we'd seen showing up.

Though even with those examples, a little sprucing up each item on the list, going into more detail, making them into little scenes, etc. can help the thing feel more alive... but at the same time, on that kind of scale, adding even just a little detail evenly can vastly increase the workload, so bare that in mind.

*Breathes in* Okay with that finally out of the way we can get to the overall positives, and finish off this review.

As I've said before, you've had good-to-great action sequences throughout the story, as well as tons of strong conversational scenes. While I had been skeptical anyone could REALLY show the idea that "there are no background characters, everyone's the hero of their own story" without making an unfocused mess, you've come closer to that than a lot of other fiction I've seen. The meta elements were generally well-handled, though I could also see how a few readers might have tired of them by the end. (Not helped by some of those meta moments being comments on the popularity of the story itself, which can sometimes be read as self-pity... but enough with the criticism from me.) You add some interesting psychological elements to the characters and conflicts (DT and Discord still being up there, in both Mind Games and the finale), and do a good job of showing characters recovering from trauma. You manage to give all the characters distinct voices, and generally keep good continuity. You managed to weave in all previous generations of the show in ways that actually kinda work.

Heh. You even managed to somehow make me interested in something Equestria Girls related, which is quite the uphill battle.

Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash's overall arc feels natural and interesting.

The way deities work in this setting is unique and interesting, and while there were maybe one or two segments that maybe dip a bit too far into their cosmology, I generally don't feel like they were overbearing, like you worried they were (especially if one keeps the "optional canon" stuff optional).

Reading all the way through this was quite a time investment... I've 100%'d multiple JRPGs and open world games in the kind of time it takes to read 435 chapters, the majority of them being 8000 words or more, at 250 words per minute. I can't say I'd casually recommend it to just any MLP fan, seeing how, it'd take nearly twice as long to read it as to watch all nine seasons of the actual show, by my estimation. It's a pretty high time cost, and not everyone would be able or willing to pay it. But for those willing to put in the time, there really is something special here. And while I won't say it's flawless, or didn't have its share of stuff that felt like filler, I left with a smile on my face.

Comments

[Eurvos Morgenbrise]

And now I'd like to see your response to the review.