Where's the Ignition Key? · 1:54am Jan 19th, 2021
Page two of my description of life as it is.
Where’s the Ignition Key?
Salt Lake City. New home, new place. Have not been this far north in years.
Mountains near and far. One mountain quite near. Long way up.
Whole city is long way up. Does not help breathing any. Find myself short of breath too much.
If this is to be home, where is everything? Grocery close by as crow flies.
I’m not a crow. Can’t walk that far and be able to shop. So, take bus.
Local bus good. One goes clockwise, one goes counter. Take counter to store.
Shop, come out, sit at bus stand for clock. Never have to wait long. Must be careful.
Groceries heavy, no hooks on walker. No backpack like used to have.
Where to find doctor? Have enough pills to stock pharmacy. Try clinic with high ratings.
They say go VA. VA way east, by university. No one bus, have to take two.
Two block walk between buses. My feet no like. Endure. Do that a lot.
Get set at VA. Pissed blood twice, go to VA. Kidney stones. Not like last time.
Last time hurt bad. This time, no pain, just blood. No infection.
Go VA early one day to get gastric tube removed. Damn nuisance. Taped one plug shut.
Had leaked bile all over white shirt. Other plugs stayed shut. Removal easy. Waking at 0500 wasn’t.
Took bus home. No Circle K, no coffee. Miss coffee. Circle K best coffee. Dunkin next best.
Dunkin on route closed. 7-11 not good coffee. Want coffee!
Get med refills from VA. Big bag, little bag. Not easy carry with walker. Rest of time, mail order.
Take long time to get to house. Sometimes miss meds because refills not prompt.
Could not go to sleep one night because of lack of sleep meds. 36 hours up no good.
Learn more about city buses. Counter bus goes to downtown station, from there, can go many places.
Find better way to VA. Three buses, no long walk. That helps.
Must be careful with meds. Every other day, water pill. Have to piss constantly those days for about five hours. Back, forth, back, forth. Unfun. Had VA appointment one water pill day. Pissed myself twice.
No available restrooms. So, legs swollen. Only schedule matters on non-water pill days.
If can’t avoid, wait on water pills until late. Still annoyance. Have urinal in room in case loo in use.
Other loo downstairs. Eleven steps, no handrail. No risk it. Dogs, no problem. Me, problem.
Knees no like steps, even two outside for porch. Plus too easy trip. Like nose as is. No breaks.
Settle with Brad’s sister about losing my past. $2K is not enough, but it will do. Rankles me a lot, but I said that settles the matter, and so it does, between her and me. I stay rankled. I miss me.
Went to Vegas for birthday. Friend could not make it. Felt alone in big city. Buses not cheap.
Glad could get from airport to hotel by bus. Same way in SLC. Can take tram, then bus, then walk six houses to home. Went to The Pawn Shop. Got turned around, walked many blocks. Get back to hotel, run bath full of hot water, fell in for 20 mins until pain left legs.
What was fun not fun any more. Why?
COVID stays around like an unwanted in-law. Tires me too much, muscles ache, joints pain, chest heavy.
Breathe hard just walking around. Arm goes numb for a time. Why?
Head makes me feel want remove scalp from left side. Heart at half power, had blood clots.
Need vascular plumber. No wonder my feet are too big.
Fight, fight, fight to get benefits. Old insurance say I not fully disabled, stop benefits. Lose $1700/mo.
Apply for disability from SSA. Crickets chirping waiting for response. Cant get on website.
Get food stamps, Medicaid, stipend. Happy New Year.
Old insurance call back, say maybe COVID make me full disabled. Had most papers.
Got latest papers. Mailed last week. Takes two buses and tram to get to post office. Could take shorter cut, but means several block walk. Not good with grocery bag.
Confusion, brain fog… very mystifying… what that outside? White stuff from a gray cloud? Did Mother Nature spill the sugar bowl? No, it’s… what’s that word? Cold stuff… SNOW. Forgot what it looked like. Now, what was I thinking about?
Salt Lake should be fresh start, and you meshugginah, ya fuck it up like this?
Pain, fatigue, breathless, chest ache. Make it hard to feel optimism.
Optimism? What that? Feels wrong. Inapplicable. Okay, I’m warped.
Want to get better. How I do that? Life now is pain, pain, more pain. I miss my cat.
I was one to help others. Now, I need help. Feel bad needing help. Should be happy. How?
Ever notice how much ‘mature wisdom’ resembles ‘too tired’?
Well, then… wise man available! $20 for 15 minutes of sage wisdom! Good ear, working mind!
Book your reservations today before spaces fill up!
Anyone ever read ‘Doon’ by the Harvard Lampoon? What was the name of Shaddap IV’s hatchet men?
Oh, yeah… Hardehaurhar. It is to laugh.
I laugh because I dare not cry. I do not drink for the same reason.
Once I start, will I ever stop?
A question I have been asking for years.
Just popping in to make sure you know that there's someone out there listening. Maybe next time I'm up in SLC we can get pizza or something.
I would like that very much, Star. Hope you know a good place. Have not done a pizza crawl yet.