A Wasted Year · 9:13am Dec 21st, 2020
It's 1:00am right now. I should be in bed. I am pretty tired after all. But it's not like I'd sleep that well anyway. Haven't slept well most nights since at least March.
In theory I can relax a bit. I'm off work now until the first Monday in January. Part of that is a typical Christmas-time shutdown that my employer does. But then I remember that the reason I'm off M-W this week too is because the three company holidays I missed while I was out on furlough were shifted to now in order to avoid messing up my weekly unemployment processing.
Looking at my GDocs folders, I've expanded my Drafts folder by 12+ items this year. I've started lots of stuff, but finished? HA! I wish. Even on the rare times where I'd get enough momentum on something, another burst of bad/worrying/devastating news would fly in like a quantum torpedo with a homing device on it. I laugh bitterly now at myself on my first day of furlough. "Well," I said then, "at least I'll have time to write." 
It's surprisingly hard to be creative when you're trying to adjust to a sudden work loss while also knowing that so many of your friends are way worse off and drowning each and every day. Thankfully covid has not hit us or our immediate family. But it has hit far too many of our friends, or their friends/family in turn. I've sent out more Get Well and/or Sympathy cards this year than ever before. They never get easier to write out, believe me.
Vaccines are here though, perhaps the only sliver of hope I've seen so far. I figure each person treated is at least two lives saved due to breaking the spread risk. I won't get political here, but please get vaccinated when your opportunity arises. Despite everything, the scientists did it by the book, the trial data speaks for itself. You won't turn into a lizard or get microchipped by Bill Gates, but you will save yourself and others.
I'm not sure how to close this. I'm rambling I guess. But fwiw, I'm sorry I went 0/everything this year on writing. Fate willing I'll do better next year. But I do appreciate all of you so much, and I'm also sorry I have been silent too. I should reach out to y'all more than I do.
Stay safe, stay healthy, and even if you're not the praying type, send up a wish for better days in 2021 for all of us.
*hugs the thread*
-GMP
We can only go up from here, friendo. Stay strong, stay safe, and stay healthy!
Glad to hear that you and your family have been safe and healthy. I think all of us have felt less than creative this past year. But we have stood together, mostly virtually, and supported each other. That is what we do, after all. And time is never wasted when we are together, here or else where!
Take care, GMP and hopefully we'll catch up at Everfree.
Well that's a serious disappointment. Sounds like someone involved with the vaccine development really dropped the ball. I mean, I'll definitely still get it, but I won't be as impressed.
5419271
I know , right? What's up with their R&D department?
Oh, I've been there... and brutally haven't really come out of there since. Despite doing better than last year writing-wise, I still started-and-failed more projects than I actually completed, and most of the successful ones were side projects, not centrally significant works. The pain of failure is so real.
Trouble is, wanting to do better in writing can be like chasing wealth and power. Even when you get more, you're still not satisfied because you want more, more, more. Recognizing the mindset for what it is doesn't always stop it feeling so convincing, because there's always something you can improve if you're perfectionist enough.
Plus, it'd be nice if I could do all that without 2020 throwing its curveballs at me (admittedly, I say this as someone who's been relatively lucky so far). I'm putting odds on COVID-19 dying down come 2021. Although, being a pessimist, I won't be surprised if it sticks around for much longer than expected; viruses are notoriously unpredictable little bastards.
Here’s to hoping this next year is better for everyone
What I keep telling myself is, basically, "only upwards to go from here."
Stay safe, stay sane, and stay healthy, you hear?
Darn. Guess they just couldn't get that feature working in time. Oh well. I'll still take it!
Seriously, though, been a terrible year for everyone. I'm glad you're making it through relatively okay, thus far. I know what you mean about writing drive being tanked under these circumstances, though. Really didn't get as much as I'd wanted done myself.
But you can't beat yourself up for it. All you can do is keep trying.
Take care of yourself. I'm looking forward to seeing you and everyone else at EFNW 2021.