I'm just so tired guys. · 12:29am Dec 10th, 2020
Hi guys.
No one wants to deal with my shit, so I'm just gonna try and keep this short. I'm at the end of my rope here folks and, honestly, I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like I'm done, just emptied. Drained. I'm just so fucking tired of it.
I tried talking with my dad about it, gave me the usual spew of "you have friends and family that can help you," "you just gotta keep on pushing." I tried talking to ma about it, less helpful, more annoyingly so: "do you need me to contact a therapist?"
I'm not gonna be a nuisance and bug you guys with the details. I just need to let someone know, because obviously my parents don't every time I try and talk about it.
Fuck, I'm only 23 and I'm just so exhausted. Worn out from everything. Life is just heartbreak after heartbreak. Dead end after constant dead end. Why do I even bother? I can't rely on anyone but myself, because I'm the only one who can do something about it, right?
That's the problem, friends, I just stopped trying. I stopped caring and I don't want to do anything anymore.
I guess I just can't wait for that last stop.
No, guys, this is not a suicide blog, just... ranting, venting. As seriously as I have contemplated it, as close as I've come. I just wanted to tell someone finally. To tell someone I'm tired, to tell someone how I'm feeling. To tell someone I tried, that wasn't I good enough.
It's so hard to be strong for anyone, especially myself, when all I feel is weak. When all I want to do is just curl up and fucking die already.
Everything is just meaningless, just like me and my word. I told you all I would try and keep this short. What did I do instead? Fucking rant and rant and rant.
I'm useless.
Stay beautiful, folks.
I can understand, a bit. Sometimes you just need catharsis.
Hey dude, I feel ya, life can fuckin' suck. Especially this year. But it's always good to say stuff out loud. Or 'out loud' in this case. And it really isn't a terrible thing to just sit and chat with someone. Sometimes all you need is a sounding board. It just has to be the right board.
Keep your chin up, buddy, everything's gonna be okay.
Hug
Oh boy. Devonus is having a bit of the same problem and I'm helping him out. My PM's are always open.
Tl;dr: I fucking love you guys, seriously. I appreciate the everliving fuck outta you all and I reiterate that a lot in the individual responses.
I'm doing better a day later, escaped the pit I was in yesterday. You guys don't even know how much you helped me stay out of it.
. . . . .
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Fuck man, couldn't say it better myself. Thanks Vaal, way to sum up my shit man. I'm joking, but seriously though, I appreciate you and your words
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Honestly LD, you're not even wrong. This year fuckin' blew. Still, I'd rather start the year over again than have it be how it went.
I have this fear of letting anyone in, anyone too close. I don't want to be hurt again and I just can't.
A large part of me feels connection easy; it's almost always not an if but when it inevitability, undoubtedly backfires. I believe that, emotionally, I lose a peace of myself each time it happens.
I just don't think I got it in me to try and soundboard it offa anyone, man. I appreciate the sentiment all the same, though
I'll try and keep my head up. That one I can do, thanks sincerely dude
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Thanks Supes, keep writing the good write, man. h u g
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Appreciate the offer Mark, much as I appreciate you. Will have to kindly decline, though. I just needed to vent or something.
A lot happened this year, not only to me, but my family, my town. It sapped and I needed to let of steam. I'm good now, I was just in a real dark place yesterday. Thank you very, very much, man.
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Writing? What’s that? Feel like I used to do it