The Rambling Self-Interview of a Six Month-Old Geriatric · 6:50am Nov 27th, 2012
If you're here in this small, little corner of FimFiction perhaps it's because you read this, or you read a couple of my chapters from this, or maybe you're here by accident. Whichever, if you're reading, and I have your attention, then perhaps I should say hello. Would be the neighborly thing to do after all seeing as I've been registered here for six months and never bothered to give a proper introduction.
Who Are You?
I’m just a regular Joe with a regular job
I’m your average white, suburbanite slob
I like football, and porno, and books about war
I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor
My wife, and my job, my kids, and my car
My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar
…And that’s where the song stops being about me, though my vice was always drinking rather than smoking. Everything else though, on the button. What else, I live in Philadelphia (though that may change down the road). I have a job with a hospital as a medical coder. At times when I do not need to be responsible I enjoy reading, writing, music, playing soccer – leisurely these days, gaming (video games and cards mostly), hiking, cooking, and singing. I am of German, Italian, and Russian descent. I love traveling and can do a pretty spot on Christopher Walken impression. The name’s First_Down and it’s nice to meet you.
How Did You Get Into My Little Pony?
My daughter heard about the new generation through friends of hers, so she started watching it. Now, maybe it’s because she knew I was a fan of Lauren Faust’s other works like The Powerpuff Girls and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, or maybe it was to continue the father-daughter thing we used to do, which was watch Saturday morning cartoons together. Hey, when you’re a father trying to bond with a kid that shows zero interest in sports, music, history, art, gaming, cooking, or camping you take your moments where you can. TV and books were my way in since I could only fake it so far with clothes and jewelry. So if that meant watching yet another goddamn rerun of Arthur at 9am then gee golly that’s what I was going to do. Fun fact: Arthur is a hundred times better if you watch it while songs by Mastodon or Eagles of Death Metal rampage through your head.
Anyway, whatever the reason she tried to get me to watch MLP with her on Youtube. This was between seasons one and two. It was not love at first sight. In fact, I reacted exactly the way you might expect someone who just turned forty-one to react. But she pushed me to keep watching, and then interestingly enough so did my wife and one of my wife’s good friends. Ok, it’s three-on-one now. I kept watching, and yeah it started to get entertaining. Some of the slapstick during the Gilda episode twinged nostalgically. And I liked the voicework during the Trixie episode. Then came the confrontation between Applejack and Rarity during a storm. Wow, great writing, great pacing, some subtle humor to go with the obvious, and an applicable moral to wrap it all up. I hadn’t seen animated slice of life that good in a long time. Follow that up with the Zecora episode and then the parasprites… and yeah, I’m hooked now. Hell, I probably know more about the show now than she does. Thanks, little one.
Was This Your First Time Writing?
Pony fic, yes. Overall, no. I’ve written for other fandoms and I’ve written original pieces too.
Will You Write More?
Unless you all really don’t want me to, yes. And even then, I still might just because writing is a type of stress reliever for me, which seems counterproductive because I get all stressed out during the actual process. Anyway, as of the time of this post I’m actively working on four stories. And two days ago my wife gave me a great idea for a fifth, but that has to stay in a drawer because I can only spread myself so thin. If writing were my only hobby, that’d be one thing. It isn’t. Also, advance warning; I am not a fast writer.
What Do You Write?
Anything, with exception to a few taboo subjects I’d personally like to stay away from. However, I’m not afraid of relationships. I’m not afraid of adult-oriented work like sex and violence. It’s only fair you all know this ahead of time so you can make informed decisions. In my mindset, character decisions emanate from motive. So too do storylines. Motive is determined by whatever I feel inspired by at a particular instance, and I have a habit of writing what inspires me. That said, of the four pieces I’m working on only one currently has a rating higher than G.
Any Last Words?
Got any questions, comments, criticisms, requests, death threats, declarations of love? Send me a line. I’m easy to confuse and hard to offend. It’s a winning combo. Thanks for your time if you made it all the way to the end of this. I hope to have finished works by early new year. Maybe sooner.
Oh my! How down the road are we talking? I'd hoped that someday, if I was in the area, we could meet up for lunch or coffee or something. I don't get up that way often, but there's a museum in Wilmington I've been meaning to check out. (I happen to be in love with the Pre-Raphaelite painters, and the Delaware Art Museum happens to have one of the largest collections of their works in the world. I've just never made it there so far.)
Never tried that one, but I can tell you that drifting in and out of sleep while The Muppet Babies was on is the closest I've ever come to being on drugs. I highly recommend it. (My mom put me in charge of babysitting my brothers at 6:30 in the morning.)
I'm curious now. I'm not going to hunt down your stuff or anything (unless it's a fandom I know. Then, no promises.), but what other fandoms? Have you published any original stuff?
I always find that my g-rated ideas tend to slide towards teen, thanks to sitcom style-innuendo. Maybe being a dad helps give you a better filter.
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Short answer: I don't know. Long answer: Let me PM that one to you.
Nice. The extent of my Pre-Raphaelite knowledge is limited to a few pieces by Rossetti. That would be worth checking out.
I wrote for the Gargoyles fandom before I took my break. And I've written side stories and sequels centered around video games I was impressed with but felt lacked world building detail. Like Descent. Before that, I wrote fics centered around Star Wars, Battletech, Macross, ThunderCats, and Star Blazers. I'm a gigantic sci-fi nerd. Also, I'd be impressed if any of that is on the internet since we're talking mid-to-late 80's here. Most of it's handwritten. As for original stuff, I've written pieces but never submitted them for publishing, though I can think of two where people tried to get me to submit. One was a paper I wrote in high school comparing the movie Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to Dante's Inferno. The other was a short story I wrote after a college friend of mine went off to go fight in the Gulf War.
I think it just helps with discipline to constantly maintain a fully functional filter in all manner of day-to-day living. When I stub my toe on the coffee table I can't scream out "motherfucker" at the top of my lungs like I want to because my impressionable six year-old son is standing right there. So instead it's, "Ooooh, ow, jeez. Man, that smarts." While in my head I'm thinking "Fuck, fuck, shit, goddamn it all to hell! I'm gonna grab a hammer and SMASH this fucking table! I WILL BURN THE WORLD DOWN WITH MY RAGE!!" ...I do not envy my children on the day they both become adults and the filter goes away.