Day Thirteen Status Report: Still Dead

So I may have already shared this tidbit to some of you that I edit for, but I've been having car troubles the past six weeks. My Ford 500 has developed a nasty habit lately I like to call "not having any fucking power in it." I go outside and the car's completely drained. First time, they (the dealership) replaced the battery. All good... for about a week. Then they said I had an electrical short with my Bluetooth device. With the device disabled and another fresh battery, the car lasted a full two weeks before dying again, right before an emergency trip to Texas. I return, and they're still stumped as to the cause. Today they called to tell me they were going to consult with some Ford engineers who know the ins-and-outs of the car's wiring. I work in a hospital so any time I hear phrases like "consult with outside specialists" my brain immediately conjures up an image of my car in a ridiculous lime green gown, resting on an oversized bed, while mechanics in white coats stand by holding clipboards with ponderous looks on their faces. "Clearly, she has some type of autoimmune disorder. Administer 10ccs of Rebif, stat!"

And what really sucks about this thing that will eventually cost me $1000 to fix: it won't be anything cool or special or unique. It'll turn out that one of the wires to my dashboard light frayed and the car was shorting out. Boooooriiiing. How about, "Hey there, Mr. Down, we found a family of Mynocks living in the engine compartment, chewing on the power cables" or "Well, Mr. Down, it seems a part of your car achieved sentience during that recent electrical storm and it's been slowly consolidating power for an eventual uprising"? Is that too much to ask?