My Journey · 2:42am Jul 25th, 2020
So I've finally set aside the time to sit down and properly write out a blog post for you all who are still around (the one I promised in my last post seven months ago 
). I want to tell you all about where I've been, what I've been up to, and share my journey with you guys. You were all around for some of the best times, and I felt it's only right to open back up again and share not just my past several years, but also what the future looks like from here.
So, let's get started! It's going to be a long one, so bear with me!
I stepped away from FiMFiction and the fandom in 2016 due to a combination of drama in my personal life as well as an existential crisis on my end. A lot fo transition had started in my life, much of it not by choice, and I felt very swept away by it all. I won't go into further detail on some of the more personal aspects of that out of respect for the individuals in my life, but suffice to say, I was not a happy pony. Alongside this came the collapse of my local bony group, which I helped to organize and manage. All at once, a tremendous amount of my friends turned venomous and bitter toward one another, and the friendships we made sort of imploded seemingly out of nowhere. This, coupled with the struggle of working my way through college and trying to find out who I was and what I wanted in life put me in a dark place, one where I found myself doubting and questioning everything I did. Writing that had previously delighted me suddenly became a chore, and the results I produced were never good enough. I was burning myself out, and getting in my own head over everything. I have always been my own worst enemy in the sense that I harshly critique everything I make, but suddenly without the support system of my friends, those demons got the best of me. I stopped watching the show. I stopped drafting and writing all together. And then I disappeared.
Not all of this is going to be depressing, however; I promise you it does get better! Once I stepped away from everything, gathered myself and re-evaluated what was important to me, I went back to basics. I rebuilt friendships with some of my closest IRL friends and regained my support system. I sought help for the insecurities and found a sense of direction through a lot of self-reflection. I moved in with my girlfriend at the time, and with her support, I slowly came back to life. I worked closely with a terrific English professor at my school who helped me recover the passion I had lost. I started writing for myself, doing projects I enjoyed just for the sake of writing again. Over the following year, I picked myself up, finished college, and started an awesome job working for a great company. I got married to this wonderful girl I've known for so long, and we rescued two dogs together. Currently, we are in the process of buying our first home.
But throughout all this time, I never returned to the fandom. I never watched another episode of MLP. I never interacted in a public brony capacity. The fandom had all but become a ghost in my memory, a gilded time of my life that had faded from existence.
Until one of my close friends from the fandom reached out to me seemingly out of the blue (you know who you are 
).
It was as if Pandora's box had been opened in my mind, but instead of calamity spilling forth, a whirlwind of wonderful, happy memories came flooding back to me. I remembered all of the fun I had interacting with everyone here, crafting these fanciful tales for your entertainment, and what a thrill the joy of creation was! I went back and looked through old photos and videos from BronyCons long gone, I reread every message sent to me, every comment left on my work. I cried, I laughed, I had a catharsis that left me reeling.
Then I posted the blog.
In the time since I left that last blog half a year ago, I've been trying to decide what I want to do. Between my job and my personal life, I wasn't left with a lot of time to dedicate to "returning to the fandom". What would it even be like after three years? How much had I missed out on? Was anyone even still around? Then the world went to hell. Suddenly, time became a resource in abundance. I'm working from home now, living each day to the fullest I can in spite of what's going on. Now more than ever, the world seems so full of uncertainty, and THAT certainly didn't help me come to a decision!
So I started to read my old work again. I picked up The Griffon War and started reading with fresh eyes, taking in the world and the characters like I was someone entirely new—and truth be told, I kind of am. I took that road down memory lane until 5 in the morning, reliving each moment I had created years ago. Old feelings came back to the surface. I tore through that book like a madman in one sitting. And then I read Skyfall. And then Treason, and so on. I'm currently reading Overture again, letting the memories and the history come over me. I'd be lying if I said the nostalgia didn't feel good.
But now we come to the all-too-important question: what am I going to do now? Am I going to pick up the pieces, start writing again? Am I going to leave everything lie as it has been for so long now?
I have to be honest, with both you and myself. I don't know yet.
Reading back over those stories, I saw so much good, but also so much I would change, redo, improve, or remove. My tastes and my style have evolved so much from eight years ago. I see things that make me cringe, or where I allowed myself to be influenced where I should have kept my work closed off. I lack a good chunk of MLP lore, having not seen any episode past the middle of Season 5. I would need to play so much catch-up just to even get a foothold to get started.
But if there's one thing I hate the most, it's leaving something unfinished. I believe heavily in closure and resolution. Every movie, every show, every story must have a satisfying end to be complete. I have not done the Skyfall Saga that justice. I need to decide if I'm willing to invest the time, energy, and work into completing what is undoubtedly the biggest project I've ever undertaken. As of right now, I'm afraid I just don't have that answer yet.
So I'm going to continue to read my past work, and I'm going to continue to live my life as it is until I find the answer I will be happiest with. You may see me pop online every so often as I reflect on everything, and if you do, I encourage you to reach out to me; I'm more than happy to chat with anyone about anything, answer any questions, or whatever! If anyone wants to reach out to me outside of this forum, please send me a private message, I'll be happy to share my personal email out for correspondence.
This is not the end—not yet, my friends. This is a comma in the sentence of our journey together. Thank you for all of your love, your support, your patience, and most of all, your understanding.
— DQ
As happy as I am to hear that there's a chance of you returning to writing, I'm even more happy to hear that you're in a better place. Life can take crappy turns, and I'm glad to hear that you've managed to come out mostly on top. Keep rocking on!
Bro, there aren't the words in the English language necessary to properly describe how happy I am that you have, at the very least, dipped your toe back into this batshit crazy, sometimes sticky pool. When you Ninja Vanished, I was deeply saddened. But I thought such was just the nature of the internet. Sometimes people just... poof. Granted, I never made an effort to reach out, but then, I suck, so... yeah.
I'm gonna be supremely honest here: I legit don't really care if you never come back to Retribution. Don't get me wrong, if you did, I would love you to the point that you would get a restraining order against me! But speaking as someone who has two cancelled stories to his name, I get that sometimes the muse just... buggers off. Even if you still enjoy something, those flames of passion can only blaze for so long before turning into embers.
However, even if you do decide that you can't wring it out of yourself, know that you left your mark. In my humble
and 100% objectively correctopinion, you wrote some of the best action/spy thrillers this fandom has ever seen. I said in a review of The Griffon War that you are, "the Tom Clancy of pone," and I meant it. And I don't just say that because you used a certain pale, dragon-eyed special agent in one of your stories. They were tense, gripping, intriguing, and just a hell of a lot of fun to read.But more than that, you were the best thing FiM could have asked of you: a dear friend. Meeting with you and hanging out with you and Cap U at Bronycon are among my best memories of those cons. You were fun, witty, funny, and the perfect middle ground between Cap's shyness and my unending bombast. So, even if you never return to the fandom, and reside on a completely opposite side of the interwebz, rest assured that on this nutty, wacky side of the net, you made a great impact on at least one random asshole in a Brown Hat.
That said, please keep in touch. I told you in a PM that I absolutely suck at keeping in touch with people. Between my antisocial nature and being a lazy piece of shit, I tend to let lines of communication wither. Please know that I am always a text or PM away. As Jake Busey said in Starship Troopers, "Hey, you'll always have me to kick around."
Welcome back good sir! I'm happy to have you back!
Its good to see another update from you and im glad your doing well in life! I loved your stories back in the day and the streams, still remember the whole fleetfoot x cadance. It be cool if you wrote more but real life is always more important. Congrats on the marriage!!!
Congratulations on getting married!
Honestly, your stories are all good but so different in their own ways I wouldn't mind you stepping into your AU timeline at any point, or redoing the current story, etc.
Welcome back!
Just happy to hear that you are okay. The greatest loss we can suffer is to forget who we are. Never forget who you are, you are a child of God. Here for you if you ever need it, God bless!
)
(I'm about to reread all of your works
I’m speaking as a big fan of the 2017 My Little Pony: The Movie; if you do start watching this great series again, I hope you watch the 2017 film, as it fits between season seven and season eight. You could write an entire book on the events of the 2017 film that also changes things in season eight and season nine.
I come back to this website every once and a while to relive some great memories and to check if stories have updated and to see if some others are still somehow being updated... I am looking at you piercing the heavens.
So you can imagine my delight when I log in for one of my bi-annual check-ins to find that not only has austraeoh been updated but one of my favourite authors here has posted a blog. Whatever you end up doing I want to sincerely thank you for all the joy your stories brought me. I do hope you continue this at some point; The nostalgia alone would motivate me enough for a full re-read.
I apologise for my rather unlettered and incoherent style of writing but I'm currently very sleep deprived.
I wish you all the best
First, in the episode, “Hearth's Warming Eve” we are told that the Equestrian nation is not the first home of the ponies. The ponies moved to what became the Equestrian nation to escape the curse of the windigos. Luna could send the Skyfall Team to check up on the original pony homeland and then see who or what is living there now. There might be ancient pony artifacts, a hidden Unicorn treasure vault, or the workshop of Star Swirl the Bearded that needs to be found again.
Spike: [accent] And so, each leader encountered obstacles along the way, but eventually, they all arrived in a new and wondrous land. Nopony had ever seen paradise before.
Rainbow Dash: This is the new land we've been searching for!
Fluttershy: What a view... I can see my future house from here.
Rainbow Dash: I proclaim this new land to be... Pegasopolis!
Rarity: I've never seen such jewels! This ruby is dazzling. This whole land is dazzling. I'm double dazzled! [squeals] In the name of the unicorns, I hereby dub this land Unicornia!
Pinkie Pie: The air! The trees! The dirt! This dirt is the dirtiest dirt in the whole dirt world!
Applejack: And fertile, too. Perfect for growing food.
Pinkie Pie: In the name of the Earth ponies, I think I'm gonna call this new place... uh... Dirtville!
Applejack: How about "Earth"?
Pinkie Pie: Earth! Congratulations to me for thinking of it.
Second, in the same episode the Ruler of the Pegasi, Commander Hurricane had this exchange with Private Pansy.
Fluttershy (Private Pansy): Oh! Commander Hurricane, sir! How did it go, sir?
Rainbow Dash (Commander Hurricane): Horribly! Those other tribe leaders are so disrespectful! Don't they realize that we are a mighty tribe of warriors, and should not be crossed? We have got to break ranks with those weak foals!
Pegasi are a mighty tribe of warriors that means that they must have fought with other tribes and nations to be warriors. You can’t be a tribe of warriors if there is no one to fight. Are they living Pegasi who want to recreate Commander Hurricane’s dream of building Pegasopolis.
Moreover, what about the tribes and nations that the ancient Pegasi fought? Imagine some of those descendants with whom the ancient Pegasi fought might come looking for revenge?
I suppose that by now there's no way around the fact that the series is, in fact, effectively canceled. A shame, but an understandable one. Seeing as how you last logged in about a half a year ago, have you left the fandom?
Wow.
I rarely tune into FiM:Fiction these days, but every now and again I'll poke in and (if I'm paying attention) see what the Old Guard is doing. At times I feel like an old ghost haunting ancient ruins, but I'm glad I do it. I would have missed this otherwise.
I'm sorry it took so long for me to notice this blog post, but I am so glad to have gotten to read it. I'm so glad to hear that life has gotten better, that you are in a happier place. I am so very glad to hear that you've been able to find some joy in your old works again. The joy that your stories have brought me - and the inspiration they brought - are things that I carry with me to this day. Hell I still have the wiki for A Soldier's Memoirs on my bookmarks. I thought about removing it more than a few times, but the memories it brings - the joy from those days - is more than enough for me to leave it.
If you ever comeback to finish Retribution I'll be thrilled and happy to read it. Hell - I've been considering re-reading the whole damn series as it is. But, even if you never write another word I am happy. I am happy with the stories we already shared together, the twists and turns, the romance and intrigue. I am happy that I got to call you friend. I am happy that you have found yourself in a better place (AND HOLY CRAP YOU GOT MARRIED?! CONGRATS!)
Knowing at the time of writing this blog your life is for the better, is the best closure I could hope for. I'll always be looking for another hit and some more time with you, but if this is the last time we converse, the last time I log in, the last time you do, or something else...I will be happy knowing you're doing so much better.
I don't know if you need to worry about watching the next several seasons of MLP:FiM for your work? I suppose it would make you feel more comfortable even if it changes nothing. I know I certainly would. Though if it makes you feel any better I only just recently finished the show myself, and I did that because of my 2 roommates 1 was also a Brony but never finished the show and the other wanted to watch the show, but wasn't going to do it alone. So we watched it together. It was fun! But I don't think you need to give yourself too much homework to get in the way of your writing.
Speaking of which: if you ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever write something and it's not posted here where I could come across it at some point, but published elsewhere I would ask you inform us in someway. I don't care if you've written ponies or if you've written something else - I will read it.
Though regardless of if you write another word or not, I hope your life is full of joy and wonder. I hope to hear from you again. Hell - I am eternally full of hope for you and your life. I don't think I can fully express myself in words the torrent of wondrous feelings and emotions that are churning through me. Knowing you are well - and that those bygone days are a source of fond memories - has made my day.
Well. My aptitude for creating a wall of text has remained remains unabated. Be well, and if you ever need a friend you need only reach out.
Your friend,
~Treilacl